8 year old being bullied by teachers pet

(30 Posts)
hamstered Fri 28-Dec-12 19:04:58

My DD is being bullied by the teachers pet. It has been going on for more that a year but this year has got progressively worse. Both the bully and my DD are bright kids and sit on the same table. The bully completely ignores my DD and talks to everyone else. She is nasty to anyone that befriends my DD and has created BF clubs that exclude my DD. They don't let her sit on the carpet near them and don't allow her on the climbing frame or roundabout, etc etc.
She has manipulated all her friends and her so-called best friend since reception against her.
I have tried talking to the class teacher several times but her words were, "oh I'm so busy doing other things I don't really know what goes on in this class. I have moved them away from each other and I don't really see what else I can do."
I called her best friends mum, who was a good friend, to find out if she knew anything and all that resulted in was the whole class finding out I had spoken to her mum which gave another reason to ostracise her.
The bully is the teachers favourite and really behaves in front of her so when I spoke to the teacher she just plain didn't believe me.
My DD has spent this Christmas in tears saying she never wants to go back to the school, that the teacher hates her, the bully picks on her and her so-called friends hate her and what's the point in living.
Rather than take her out and put her in another school I'm thinking of home schooling, or rather un-schooling her. Totally new territory for me but feel that her self esteem is so low right now and it needs building up...
I have a 4 year old DD which would have to come out of school too.
I'm going to have to give up work so money would be really tight. Does is cost alot to home school and are there any groups in Haringey N22...?
Am at my wits end with the whole situation

Sandra442 Sat 29-Dec-12 01:45:07

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hamstered Sat 29-Dec-12 01:40:18

Hi Sandra442 the bully along with many of her classmates is polish. There is a strong polish community in the school who are all very close knit. This has resulted in the bully and her brother and his friends and extended community making her feel very vunerable. Her mother is very close to the teacher and as a result the bully is favourtised alot. Anytime she has stood up to her which she does do quite often as she is tough, she not only has to deal with the bully but all the hangers on too. On top of that the teacher ends up telling my DD off for bullying the bully, as everyone sticks up, for the bully. She has hit her back and verbally sparred with her but its hard when its everyday and the bully has a large community and the school behind her. Should I just leave her to the vultures?

Sandra442 Sat 29-Dec-12 01:33:29

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Primrose123 Sat 29-Dec-12 01:23:30

Hi OP. a similar thing happened to my DD in year 6.

The school weren't very interested. The bully, as well as being one of the favourites (seemingly well behaved, happy, smiley, and a good all-rounder) was the daughter of one of the school governors. The school treated the bully like a VIP, but my DD didn't seem to matter.

I wanted her to move schools, but she didn't want to leave her friends. She stuck it out for the rest of year 6, and kept her head down. When she moved to secondary school, we sent her to a school in another town, her choice, and she loved it. She has made lots of friends and is now very happy in year 11.

I completely understand why you want to homeschool her, I wanted to keep my DD home and safe with me. If you think this is the best solution, why not give it a go?

hamstered Sat 29-Dec-12 01:04:20

I will check out that section tomorrow scottishmummy thanks, and lljkk I'm sure an adventure it will be, with many hiccups. Just getting her to unwind at the moment shall be a feat in itself!

lljkk Fri 28-Dec-12 21:18:35

Sorry you're going thru this. I have BTDT with DS. It sounds like you would enjoy HE and that's a clincher for me. Good luck with the future adventures.

scottishmummy Fri 28-Dec-12 21:07:24

gosh I'm sad to read a wee girl so distraught,and impact on you
I have no experience of home Ed
this is the mn home ed section
good luck

hamstered Fri 28-Dec-12 20:44:44

sorry marypoppinsbag I thought I mentioned it earlier.

MaryPoppinsBag Fri 28-Dec-12 20:39:55

Sorry didn't realise you'd got as far as the HT already.

hamstered Fri 28-Dec-12 20:29:11

They have been 'investigating' for the past 2 and a half months and told me that they haven't seen anything. I will submit a formal complaint but won't be leaving her in the school another day.
I'll search for the home schoolers on mn.
Thanks scottishmummy for listening to me venting, really appreciate it

scottishmummy Fri 28-Dec-12 20:14:13

it's huge undertaking to give up work and homeschool two
there are home schoolers on mn, put a post out
I would still meet HT and submit formal complaint and ask for them to investigate

hamstered Fri 28-Dec-12 20:09:19

I have been thinking of homeschooling for a while now as am pretty much disillusioned with what goes on at school. I've seen it all.
My partner wants her out of that school no matter what. He is happy for me to homeschool. We have talked it over and are going to give it a try.

scottishmummy Fri 28-Dec-12 20:06:20

it's dreadful thing your wee girl so distraught.if HT unsatisfactory complain to LA

hamstered Fri 28-Dec-12 20:05:07

thanks for your advice.... smile

scottishmummy Fri 28-Dec-12 20:04:39

have you worked out the finances?if you leave work it may affect your benefits
is there a longer term malaise?have you wanted to home School,and this is trigger
you seem set on home schooling.what's your partner view?

hamstered Fri 28-Dec-12 20:04:05

scottishmummy my relationship with the other mum hasn't really deteriorated as such. I just didn't discuss further with her as the whole class got to know of our discussion and it made it worse for my DD.
She refused to believe that her DD may have been involved.....

hamstered Fri 28-Dec-12 20:01:13

anti-bullying policies seem to be a joke as nothing can be done if they won't even admit that there is a problem.
My daughter is being penalised for even daring to 'complain' to me about what is going on at school.

scottishmummy Fri 28-Dec-12 19:59:34

I think home schooling is a dreadful solution,sorry.I see it immediately removes from school
financially you will struggle?it's not your only option. I'd see HT and complain to LA
you need to calmly but firmly address with the HT. good luck

hamstered Fri 28-Dec-12 19:58:30

I also think that changing her to the other class could just transfer the problem. And I agree, the teacher is rubbish. When I asked her what she looks for in a TA her reply was, "I don't give a damn how great their displays are I care if they know what they are doing and can I leave them with the class while I get on with other things..." that say's it all really.

hamstered Fri 28-Dec-12 19:55:22

Scottishmummy thanks for your comments. I've been working as a TA at diffferent schools and have alot of experience with age groups of teaching up to year 6. I'm educated up to masters in Computer Science and feel I would be up to the challenge of homeschooling.
I've wanted to be a teacher for sometime but never got round to doing the PGCE course.

marypoppinsbag I have been to the head teacher who is standing completely behind her teacher that there is nothing wrong and I am being too pushy and over protective. She is aggressive and doesn't like complaints or talking to parents at all.....
The problem is that the incidents don't happen when the teacher is there. Though that's not very often recently as she is responsible for the winter fayre, all school winter shows and any other extra curricular activity. She has been at the school a long time and is in good standing with the head teacher.
My DD is tired of it all. I am too, to be honest. I will be writing to the education authority and telling them that this is the reason for removing her from the school.
The whole school system is just disappointing

scottishmummy Fri 28-Dec-12 19:49:59

can I also advise when see HT use neutral language about teacher and child
be calm,factual,and unflustered.make a plan and stick to it, ask for resolution plan
I see the other mum had been good pal,how did things deteriorate?is this bullying result of strained friendship?

BillyBollyBrandy Fri 28-Dec-12 19:49:00

Could she be moved to another class? Agree with other posters, go to the HT and make a fuss. Refuse to go until a solution has been worked out.

Your dd's teacher is shite, her job is to know what is going on in her class. If the HT is any good they shouldn't hold any patience with that sort of statement

bluebiscuit Fri 28-Dec-12 19:48:25

Agree with going directly to head. Teacher has not handled the situation and your dd is suffering. Don't hold anything ack, give head thwhole picture.

scottishmummy Fri 28-Dec-12 19:45:35

ask for timetable if how they will address the bullying.be strident
you can contact local authority education dept too if dissatisfied
keep and recall meticulous records,discus any texts or emails you've received

MaryPoppinsBag Fri 28-Dec-12 19:42:59

Apologies at badly written post!

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