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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

My irritating, larger than life, generous and impossible father died this morning

38 replies

duchesse · 13/05/2013 18:54

He fell ill on Thursday and went downhill so dramatically from yesterday morning that I didn't manage to get there (had to cross the Channel) until 3 hours after he'd died this morning at 7:30.

I'm sitting here in the middle of all his clutter and mess and stuff in his house and I can't believe he's gone.

OP posts:

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LegoAcupuncture · 13/05/2013 18:55

So sorry Duchesse

BadRoly · 13/05/2013 18:56

I'm so sorry you have lost your Dad. My Dad died a year ago. It's shit. Really shit. They are meant to be there forever aren't they. Xx

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 13/05/2013 18:59

I'm really sorry

SirChenjin · 13/05/2013 18:59

I'm so sorry

Do you have anyone with you?

SirChenjin · 13/05/2013 19:02

There is a thread for people who have lost a parent - maybe be of some help down the line?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/1746296-Support-thread-for-anyone-who-is-grieving-for-a-parent-2

duchesse · 13/05/2013 19:03

He was such fun in very small doses.

Yes, my sister is here as well and we are mainly here to keep my stepmother company. We are choosing music. His body is being removed to Paris tomorrow ahead of the funeral on Thursday.

So far his funeral playlist includes:
My Way by Frank
Always look on the bright side of life
The radio 4 medley
See you later Alligator
Over the Rainbow (Judy Garland version)
a bit of the soundtrack of Once upon a Time in America
Sailing by
Greensleeves
Danny Boy

He loved all of these. We're taking them off his CDs.

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LaurieFairyCake · 13/05/2013 19:03

I'm so sorry

Lovely description of him

duchesse · 13/05/2013 19:34

He was a right bugger. The kind of person people always have the most outrageous stories about. My cousin this afternoon said he just turned up unannounced on her doorstep one day, drank them out of gin, told her not to visit him in Paris because it was a shithole, slept in the armchair and left the next morning. She never saw him again.

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SirChenjin · 13/05/2013 20:10

Sounds like there will be a lot to talk about at the funeral!

duchesse · 13/05/2013 20:20

He has thousands of history books that he told me to sell. They are all catalogued in a database printout my stepmother has given me.

He has 100s of DVDS of war films, classic films noir, box sets of series from the 60s and 70s.

How the hell am I going to do all this? It's going to take me months.

I'm going to rescue his moribund lemon trees first and try to keep those alive. They're looking a bit pale.

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StealthOfficialCrispTester · 13/05/2013 20:24

Duchesse im so sorry. The funeral music sounds fantastic as though it will show the true him

canyou · 13/05/2013 20:40

I am so sorry for your loss, we lost my Dad at Christmas, he was also larger then life. We left a book with a note in a frame asking mourner's to write a memory for us, we left it next to the mourners book and it was filled with the most wonderful memories and stories and showed us the true spirit of my wonderful Dad and parts of his life such as work that we would not have been part of. It sounds like you are arranging a true celebration of his life. Have no regrets do what you want and celebrate the life of the man you loved.

duchesse · 13/05/2013 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirChenjin · 14/05/2013 12:37

How are you feeling today Duchesse?

I'm not sure of the legality of emptying his bank account as he requested, sorry, but hope someone will be able to advise.

duchesse · 14/05/2013 17:54

Quite sad. I saw his body this morning just before he was removed to Paris for his funeral on Thursday. It didn't really look like him at all. I didn't want to touch him because I was worried he'd feel like a cold chicken straight from the fridge.

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SirChenjin · 14/05/2013 19:12

Yes, it's hard seeing the body, isn't it? Makes it all very final...I hope the funeral is as OK as it can be. Have you chosen the songs etc?

Portofino · 14/05/2013 21:02

So sorry Duchesse xx

Badvoc · 14/05/2013 21:10

I am sorry for your loss x

MrsFrederickWentworth · 14/05/2013 21:13

Duchesse, so sorry.

When my larger than life godfather died, his widow asked people to write to her with memories of him, like your cousin's. She now has a wonderful collection .

Your music selection sounds great.

lougle · 14/05/2013 21:23

I'm sorry, Duchesse. He sounds like he was an infuriatingly special kind of man.

duchesse · 15/05/2013 04:51

HE was appalling really. Funny how many more funny things there are to say and remember about appalling people.

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lougle · 15/05/2013 07:22

Isn't that the truth? I hope that in time the appalling memories will fade and the funny things will stay.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 15/05/2013 11:05

Sorry to hear of your loss duchesse however your relationship was with your father it must add to the strain having to travel and making arrangements so far from home. Hope you have lots of support at the funeral and afterwards.

duchesse · 15/05/2013 19:17

My stepmother (not married to my father but with him for 33 years) has just rung from Paris to ask me to ask my mother not to mention at the funeral tomorrow that she is still his wife in the eyes of the law. Apparently there will be people there who did not know he was married to my mother, did not even know my mother existed, and some don't even know his children existed. Apparently my mother is the "legal" wife and she is the "legitimate" one. She is allowed there on sufferance as "the mother of his children" so as not to confuse people and embarrass my father (who, let us not forget, is in fact dead).

I feel sick with fury.

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duchesse · 15/05/2013 19:18

I think she means she doesn't want to be embarrassed frankly.

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