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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Advice on grieving for the sudden death of a child

48 replies

bagladywilts · 10/08/2011 21:20

Last week my 3 year old tragically died as the result of an accident. We are utterly heartbroken and trying to stay strong for our other children. We have been referred to counselling but it is very general and I do not think our counsellor is able to help much with our situation. Can anyone suggest people, places or literature that could help us? Besides being enormously sad we are also trying to be practical in seeking help. I would also love to hear from anyone who has been through something similar.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 10/08/2011 21:22

oh baglady, I am so, so sorry Sad

I haven't been through anything like this myself, but sadly there are many on here who have and who I know can offer a huge amount of support and friendly ears.

MrsJamesMartin · 10/08/2011 21:23

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you.

I do not have personal experience of this but there is a support group called Compassionate Friends who support parents who have lost children.

rocketeer · 10/08/2011 21:23

I don't have any advice, I'm sure someone much wiser will come along but I didn't want to ignore this. I'm so sorry for your loss xx

activate · 10/08/2011 21:23

Winstons Wish is the site you need

I am sorry for your loss

xyz2011 · 10/08/2011 21:24

My heart goes out to you and I am sorry for you loss..
A fantastic mumsnetter explained the stages of bereavement as my nephew passed away 2years ago, I wanted to help my sister, this really helped.I will try and find this link for you xx

HumphreyCobbler · 10/08/2011 21:24

I am so very sorry. I know that sadly there are people here who have been in your situation and I am sure they will be along soon.

activate · 10/08/2011 21:24

winstonswish.org.uk/mainsection.aspsection=000100010002&pagetitle=Parents%2FCarers

they have a phoneline too

Bohica · 10/08/2011 21:26

winstons wish

I'm so sorry for your loss, how are you coping day to day?

Mavend · 10/08/2011 21:27

I'm so so sorry for your loss.I haven't lost a child so am probably not much use but have found winstonswish.org.uk to be helpful for ds when his dad died.There are also organisations such as CRUSE beravement care will try to find link and post.I know there are ongoing threads on here from Mums who have sadly lost their children.Once again I am so sorry for your lossxHopefully someone better information will reply soon.

Mavend · 10/08/2011 21:29

crusebereavementcare.org.uk

xyz2011 · 10/08/2011 21:30

here

ithaka · 10/08/2011 21:32

I am very sorry for your loss. My son died suddenly and tragically 10 years ago. We are surviving and our daughter was/is the main reason we were able to keep going. I found Compassionate Friends very helpful - they have a wealth of different resources and a postal library I used to borrow books for me and my daughter.

I never found counselling any good, all counsellors had never experienced anything as horrific as what we were going through (there was a court case) and were totally out of their depth.

Sorrow comes in great waves - it is a bit like contractions, just keep breathing through them and you will get periods of respite, which become longer over the years, although the pain never goes.
Take care.

NasalCoffeeEnema · 10/08/2011 21:33

I am no use but I wanted to say how sorry I am

Lilyloo · 10/08/2011 21:34

So sorry there is a thread on here that may help here

Mavend · 10/08/2011 21:35

www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk hope this works this time

LaVitaBellissima · 10/08/2011 21:36

Just wanted to say how sorry I am for you Sad hope the links others have given you help.

shabbapinkfrog · 10/08/2011 21:37

So very, very sorry to hear such sad news. Can I suggest a very special thread on Mumsnet?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/1247195-Love-like-starlight-never-dies-Our-precious-children-sparkling-in-the-sky-xx

We are a group of Mums who have been bereaved of our precious children. We are all different ages and with different experiences. Some precious children stillborn, some older children, and some adult children. We all can speak freely in our 'safe haven' nobody judges anybody. We laugh, cry, scream and support each other.

xx

tak1ngchances · 10/08/2011 21:44

Baglady I am so sorry and as I can't do anything to help, I have lit a candle for you and your family at the Church.
I don't know if you are religious but it is lit with best intentions and thoughts.
TC xx

Nat38 · 10/08/2011 21:49

Again, not much help, but I feel so much for you. Dread to think how I would cope. Really hope you find the support you need.

Toobluntforboss · 10/08/2011 21:50

I am so very sorry for your loss also and hope you find the strength you need.

Original poster
bagladywilts · 10/08/2011 22:10

Thank you all. I cannot begin to describe how I feel. My feelings change by the minute and while utterly exhausted I cannot sleep. I know the pain will subside but that will also mean moving on in life without her. Today I was especially missing her physical prescence,.. her hand in mine and the shape of her back in my arms when we cuddled. I am just so so sad.

OP posts:
picnicbasketcase · 10/08/2011 22:14

I'm so sorry for you and your family. Wishing you all the strength and support in the world.

ShirleyKnot · 10/08/2011 22:16

Oh Bagladywilts.

I think everyone before me has linked to all the sites I'd have sent you to.

Here holding your hand - I'm so sorry.

Bohica · 10/08/2011 22:19

Oh bag Sad you must feel so lonely without her, have you had a look at shabba's link? There is a fantastic portal of support & help within that link.

Are you making plans for the funeral or do you have family/friends helping you?

x

Sirzy · 10/08/2011 22:19

No advise and can't even begin to imagine what your going through but thoughts and prayers are with you and your family x