I posted a while back on relationships about my situation. Failing marriage ( relationship of 15 years ), three children, very unhappy. Then I discovered I was very accidently pregnant. We had sex once that month, using a condom, had no idea it had failed at the time. If I'd known I'd have used the morning after pill I have in my bathroom cabinet.
After five weeks of agonising over my decision, I decided to have an abortion. I'd thought about it the first week, thought I could never go through with it, and decided to keep the baby. I tried, I really tried to get my head around it. I told a few friends, tried to start looking forward to a fourth child. But it didn't feel right from the start. My husband wanted me to have an abortion, I was suffering horrendous morning sickness, I was really struggling with my three children, I just couldn't bring another baby into this mess. It wouldn't be fair on my three children, who I basically raise single handedly. They will all be in school next year, they need a lot of attention ( Aspergers amongst other things ).
They need a happy strong mother, and I really feel that another baby would push me over the limit. But, you know, these feeling I was having were alien to me. I'd always been so broody. I loved having my babies. It was the happiest time of my life, when they were small. I knew what I'd be giving up. Honestly, this has been the hardest decision of my life.
So, I had a surgical abortion on Friday. A friend gave me a lift to the hospital and picked me up afterwards ( the only person who knows about from husband )It was a long tough lonely day. There were three other girls there, all with a sister or a friend. I was alone, and the oldest by 15 years. The staff were wonderful. So kind.
I feel totally wiped out, alone, sad, lonely. I know I made the right decision, and I know I'll feel better, but right now I could just curl up in a ball. Nobody knows, nobody will know, and it's such a lonely painful experience. I'm putting a face on and pretending everything's normal.
You know? Even the people I had to lie to and say I'd had a miscarriage, offered no sympathy. I think maybe they were embarrassed, didn't know what to say.
I'm not asking for any advice, but I feel the need to not keep it bottled up inside.
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Can I talk about my abortion? Please don't read if you feel strongly against it. I don't have anyone to talk to about it.
28 replies
nowwhatdoido · 23/11/2009 21:31
OP posts:
rasputin ·
23/11/2009 21:39
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rasputin ·
23/11/2009 21:41
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