I have a friend who has been running her business for a few years now, the recession and bad luck have meant she is not doing well at all. Her house and everything is tied up with the business too. She's borrowed money from her family to save the business recently ( a very large sum ) and now the banks want more or they'll close on her. She hasn't been very clear about what this means though.

I could probably scrape together what the banks are asking her for, but think I'm not doing her any favours really, probably getting her into more debt in the long run. I really don't think I'll get it back.

I love her dearly and don't want to see her lose her house (and her marriage in the process probably) but feel really bad about saying no.

Advice please.......

Oh and she was talking about going on holiday, and I suspect that her DH doesn't know what's going on so she's keeping up appearances.

No I wouldn't give her any money. Obviously you need to tell her to talk to her DH and not go on holiday.

Definitely not.

Why would she lose her marriage?

She needs to be honest with her dh about the state of her business and then they need to look at their options. It is not up to you to bale her out, though it sounds as though you won't be anyway.

She needs to face up to it now before it gets any worse- she may still be able to get out without too much damage!

Don't give her anything you can't afford to lose and not be niggled by

Yes never lend money unless you are going in with the attitude that you are giving it, not lending it - if you get it back it is nice but you are not expecting it, iyswim.

It's sad. But I think you're probably right in that, in reality, it wouldn't be doing her any favours to bail her out for this time.

If she has already borrowed from all of her family and that has ben enough, it is unlikely that what she gets from you would be enough either.

Unless you have loads of money yourself and could easily afford it, I would not do it. It is an odd thing to ask a friend.

It sounds as though she is burying her head in the sand rather than tell her dh what is going on.

Your friend sounds like she is in denial. If you lend her the money, you will probably never see it again.

NO, YANBU. I would never dream of asking a friend for this.

I agree with NancyBotwin if you can't afford to give it (with no strings) then you can't afford to lend it. The strain money can put on relationships is horrible.