Mumsnet Moonwatch

Mumsnet Talk

"The country's most popular meeting point for parents" The Times
  Topics | Active | Search  
discountpartnersnew MEMBER DISCOUNTS Get a 10% discount from Boden (inc free delivery and returns). To see all member discounts, click here. Not a member yet? Join Mumsnet for free here. discountpartnersnew

MNTV

Will Young webchat

Recipe of the week

penguinmum's creamy fish pie: smoky, seasonal fish in a creamy white sauce with grated, rather than mashed, tatties on top - a meal of the highest comfort-food order.

MN Local

Please login or join Mumsnet first.

Follow mumsnet on...

TwitterFacebookYoutube


Mumsnet Talk


Start new thread within this topic | Watch this thread | Flip this thread |
Add a message
This is page 1 of 6 (This thread has 57 messages.) First | Previous | Next | Last Go to page

   Note: Please bear in mind that this topic encourages posters to give their opinions - i.e. they might disagree with you. That said, in line with our Talk policy elsewhere, we don't allow personal attacks no matter how unreasonable you think someone is. Do report any you see. Thanks, MNHQ.

...to be shocked and hurt by my friend's behaviour? (long but please let me know what you think-I'm confused)

(57 Posts)
OK, gonna change the facts a bit here (locations and names) but basically here goes: I live in..err.. france, let's say na hour's drive from paris. I have a spare flat just two floors away from the one I live with my husband and children, too old to be rent out, we're too skint to do it up atm (plus it's basically my brother's who lives in HK). I have this friend in London, who I liked since we first met. Didn't have the chance to hang out a lot, we moved from london soon after ai met her but we kept in touch on-line.

Seing that they're moving to OZ soon (my friend, her husband and dc) and we won't see them again for a very long time, I suggested (admittedly insisted) that they come to visit us, they could stay in the spare flat so it wouldn't cost them as much and started making plans about things we could do all together. DH and I were so happy, both took the week off, pulled the kids out nursery, to have a lovely week with our lovely friends. Also, the flat was in a state, so I spent over 100euros on cleaners and over 8 hours of my personal time making it viable for them to be comfortable in.

So they come, we started going places and doing things, I discovered that her dh is a bit grumpy, but didn't bother me, I was just carrying on as normal. Then they said they wanted to spend the day in paris, on their own. I thought "fair enough, they probably need some space to be a family". I go to see them this morning with a map and train times and details of thigns they could do, plus offering lifts to and from the train station, and all I get from her dh is "don't worry about us, we're experienced travellers". Well, yeah, but you're also my guests, and I actually said that it's nice to spend time together, isn't that why they're here? And that I though we're all having a good time. He said "are we? you don't seem so. Certainly your dh is very grumpy". I was in tears, but thought that when they came back things will be better.

Got a text in the evening saying "sorry we're staying in paris and we'll make our way to the airport (on sunday). we felt we overstayed our welcome".

So basically they knew they'd do that, they pakced all their stuff and took with them and didn't say anything. When I called her she said how her dh felt my dh was patronising and talking down to him and seeming unintersted they were here, so it all got awckward! So they're now in hotel and they're staying there.

Now, my dh is pleasant and chatty and drove them everywhere and worked so hard last week to take this week off to ba available for them. I honestly didn't see any of this behaviour.

Let's assume though that what she's saying is true. AIBU to be shocked and hurt that they pakced and left and didn't climb the two flights of stairs to say goodbye? Is this normal behaviour?
Add message | Report | Contact poster By Fri 06-Nov-09 12:09:36
"A week in somewhere that needs doing up isn't that much fun I don't think. Is that a possibility?"

How much time do people spend in a flat / room when they are away on a holiday ? (unless someone is feeling ill)
In your shoes, I think I'd just let the friendship slide as it surely will, when she had gone to Australia, without effort from both of you.

Whether or not it was at her dh's instigation, their behaviour sounds extremely rude.
Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 05-Nov-09 16:52:27
Sounds like a round of misunderstandings on all sides really.

I have plenty of friends who DH isn't too keen on (either them or their partners) and in a couple of cases he downright can't stand them.

Tough shit for him really, I see those friends as a singleton rather than as part of a couple, works well.

He also has friends who I don't like and still remains friends with them separate to us as a couple.
Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 05-Nov-09 16:14:04
YANBU they sound nutty
Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 05-Nov-09 16:11:16
Her husband sounds difficult and you do sound a bit full on about this so maybe she felt trapped between you. It doesn't sound like anybody was really thinking about other people's feelings.

I'm just wondering about the state of the flat. You said you can't afford to do it up and you had to spend money and time just making it viable. Maybe they were expecting something nicer to stay in. A week in somewhere that needs doing up isn't that much fun I don't think. Is that a possibility?
Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 05-Nov-09 16:05:52
Having now seen second page of comments, am now even more baffled...

If they said they wanted to go visit Paris on their own, how on earth could "when we said that we wouldn't go with them on their day trip he thought we didn't want to hang out with them anymore" be the case?

Sounds like very crossed lines, either at their end, or in original post, as to what led up to them going off to Paris by themselves.

Anyway, behind you now, so probably best left that way
Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 05-Nov-09 15:57:09
Sorry, not sure where the "overbearing" criticisms came from - if you have the info to hand about helping them with their (apparent) "day trip" then being willing to assist is all you were doing. As for them wanting some privacy - if they wanted a day or two to explore/ have quiet time, they surely could have just said, not packed up and left "in secret", never to return... seems churlish to me.

Sorry to hear that despite your efforts, spending to clean up the flat, taking time off work, your friend and her DH.

As for that text, well, that's just puzzling to me - last opportunity to see each other for possibly 10 years (guess!) and they say they "overstayed their welcome" ? Baffling.

Sounds to me as if you bent over backwards to try to have a good time, but her DH clearly didn't see it quite so enjoyable.

Don't worry - you did what you could, and it didn't match expectations, somehow... YANBU
Add message | Report | Contact poster By Tue 03-Nov-09 14:51:55
You did the right thing, you can forget about it now!

I think it sounds like you and your husband made a huge effort for them and your friend's husband was strange. Sounds like she was scared of him.

Don't change the way you are because of them. Just be careful who you choose as friends in the future.
Add message | Report | Contact poster By Tue 03-Nov-09 14:51:43
bless you-there's no point in having a barney via email over your husband/my husband issues.
Add message | Report | Contact poster By Tue 03-Nov-09 14:43:06
I just emailed back with a one-liner, basically saying all good, good luck, might see you on facebook. My hand was a shaky as I hit "send", but I think I can now take a deep breath and leave it all behind me. PHEW!
This is page 1 of 6 (This thread has 57 messages.) First | Previous | Next | Last Go to page
Add your message here
Message
Nickname:
Password:
To post a message you need a valid mumsnet nickname and password. If you have forgotten your nickname, click here for a reminder. If you are not yet a member of mumsnet, you can join here.

Emphasis: To bold a word, surround it with asterisks, so *hello* will display hello. For underline use _ , so _hello_ gives hello. For italics use ^, so ^hello^ gives hello. To strike out a word, surround it with two hyphens either side, so --dog-- gives dog

Links and smileys: To insert a smiley face,  , type [smile] or :)
For a big grin,  , type [grin] or :o
For a wink,  , type [wink]
For a shocked face,  , type [shock]
For an angry face,  , type [angry]
For an embarrassed face,  , type [blush]
For a sad face,  , type [sad] or :(
For an envious face,  , type [envy]
For a sceptical face,  , type [hmm]
For a no comment face,  , type [biscuit]

Links The simplest way to insert a link is to enter the link itself, surrounded by [[ and ]]. So if you type [[www.mumsnet.com]], the link will display as http://www.mumsnet.com. If you want your link to display text other than the web address itself, leave a space after the address then add the text before the ]]. So "Look at [[www.mumsnet.com this page]]", would display "Look at this page".
Shortcuts