atwnw , the toddler only got to pick 1 chip from ds plate then i pulled the plate away & said no , otherwise yes i would have had to get ds a new meal , the toddlers just sat there picking their noses & staring at us (yuk) i was more annoyed at their parent tbh even after the barman had words with the father he still let the kids come back over to us .
verygreen thats lovely , i agree with motherbeyond it is great when some1 awards dc's for their manners ,

And what a way to end a bad day, if this had happened to me I would have insisted that the parents paid for another meal, I wouldn't have let my DD eat anything after a couple of toddlers had had their mits on it.

And shame on the parents as ultimately it's their fault.

You're right, manners do matter. I was very very proud when ds1 (6) came home with a sticker from school saying he was the only boy out of 20 heard to say please and thank you to the dinner ladies at lunch

well done you ,for putting in the hard work at the start.it's not THAT difficult to lay down the basic rules and mold as you go along.
though you'd think so,as so many people don't bother.i
n the end,it'll be the kids who come off worse.noone wants to be friends with a brat.and brattish children who get away with whatever they want,usually turn into adults who are morons.and again,who want to be friends with/marry/work with, a tit?!
it's nice when you are rewarded for your diligence by an acknowledgment,such as the one your son got at the cinema.
nice for the parents.
nice for the child(as you point out..he was chuffed)
nice for the recipricant of said good manners!
everyone's a winner {grin]

we too have insisted on good manners since a very early age but not all parents do that any more hence SO many little brats darlings .

thanks pitchounette, finally some1 on here that understands the situation , i also am a bit shocked at some of the replies ,
motherbeyond we also have had people commenting on how well behaved our dc's are its lovely when you can take the dcs anywhere & not have to hang your head in shame at their behaviour . my son (10) went to the cinema with my dh last month & the man serving them their treats gave my son 2 large bags of sweets for free just because my son used his manners the man told my dh it was very refreshing to see such a polite boy my ds was chuffed with himself & we are very proud .
motherbeyond we also have nephews (like your own) that are exactly the same in fact i have had to stop having parties in the house for our dc's because it means having to invite these nephews along , last year the 6yr old took batteries out of TV remote & i caught his hand just b4 he threw them at TV screen ( new lcd tv) & likewise their mother never corrects them,

me too by the way...my rant was directed at parents of the other children..not you op!sometimes it's difficult to know what to do in situations such as these.people are unpredictable,and you don't want a potential scene in front of your d.c's.plus,you had had a bad night(we ALL empathise with how that feels)and couldn't face it.they were totally to blame

woodlands35, I am a bit at some of the answers on this thread.

I can understand why most people say you should have had been more assertive but FGS the parents of these toddlers should have kept them under control! Full stop!

I can also understand why you didn't enjoy your meal. I am certainly more ssertive than you. (I probably have taken the children back to their table and tell the parents :'Are your cgildren yours? Their were eating in my dcs plate.' - I might add 'I am worried they are going to catch the flu as my ds1 has it atm??? to scare them of ) but I know it would have had an effect on how much I would have enjoyed the meal anyway.

Hope you will enjoy your next meal out better

what kazzi said

and lolgoblin!

god,can't abide it when wet parents say things like'oh,they're only little,they don't understand,i don't want to upset them...etc' they bleedin' DO understand,from a very early age.when are you going to teach them how to behave in public if not from the beginning?
are you gonna wait until they go to school and start picking food off the other kids' plates in the dinner hall..they'll be popular then,won't they?

my children are 3 and 16 months and there is no way they would do that.my 3 year old has excellent table manners,through hard work/repitition on our part.waitresses often comment how well beahved they are and how much easier/less stressful it makes their job.

their cousins on the other hand,are 6,9 and 10.they are a complete nightmare and i will go to great lenghts to avoid a social situation if they will be attending.

they tear the place up whilst their parents sit deliberately ignoring them(which takes some doing,let me tell ya). The 5 year old took someone's handbag off the table at my dd's christening and flung it accross the room spilling the contents everywhere.
everyone looked at the bag.then looked at the mum.who looked away!
bottom line,people make excuses for their kid's behaviour because they can't be arsed instilling the basics.

aaaaand exhale!

Pick one up, put it on your knee and feed it from your plate whilst crooning 'Poor starving babe'
Watch the panic spread.

if they had of been a little bit older then yes maybe i would have told them to " go away" but they were only about 3yr olds ,
i suppose i reckoned that if i gave out to them they would cry & that would cause a scene , & as it was our first meal out in a long time i just let it go but it did annoy me that their parents didn't seem to care less who their kids annoyed .

i cant beleive you didnt say go away no/go find your parents to the children or call to the other parents to controllook after their own children

there is no way i would put up with what those children did

you let it happen so its 50/50 blame, their parents and you are both to blame

If my children had done that as toddlers i would have gone over and sorted them out and apologised to the family they were disturbing. But as I introduced social skills to my children at an early age to include eating out then this has rarely been a problem for me as they know how to behave.

Of course toddlers are toddlers, but they're not at nursery or a playground where they are free to run around and do as they please.

I do agree the barman shouldnt have shouted at the toddlers, instead he should have told their parents to keep their children under control or leave!

nope.

sherazade were you out for lunch yesterday with 2 toddlers by any chance

I feel for you, OP - it does sound like the other parents were remarkably thick-skinned (to put it nicely).

I have fond memories of the landlord at our local when I was growing up, who never put up with any nonsense from anyone - he was the sort of person who would've stepped in to sort out a situation like this! I suspect it's different now many pubs have managers.

YABU. The barman shouting at the toddler is horrid. Toddlers are toddlers , social creatures, and don't have a clue about social etiquette. If I were eating lunch and some other parents toddlers (under 5's) came and picked off our lunch I wouldn't have cared in the slightest.

Then if that is how you are, unwilling or unable to take a stand, that is your choice.
So you really shouldn't get annoyed if others are completely oblivious to your needs and wishes.
I hope that if your children need their parents to be more proactive in the future, that you can bring yourself to move beyond passive disapproval.
Have you asked yourself why you would rather tut under your breath than explain why someone's actions are annoying you?

ice my children are very well behaved , they know it is not ok to run around & annoy other people , my ds is very confident as we try very hard to install this in him ,
as i said i am NOT a doormat with my own family but for some reason i let others take advantage rather than face an argument or to upset any1 . it is something i am NOT proud of but that is the way i am ,

not a very good example to set for your children, that their parents are doormats and it's ok to behave like that?
You say it affects every aspect of your life so why would you want that for your children?

hubby is just as bad as me , would rather put up with it than make a scene.

thanks slowread, i have never been able to confront other people , it has always effected me in every aspect of my life , i am not a doormat with my own family but yet i cant seem to be able to tell other people where to get off if they over step the mark .

Why didn't your husband do anything?

but it doesn't need to be confrontation. You can just politely but very firmly take them over to their parents and say that you are having a meal and it's your family time.

end of story.

I really would recommend you get a book on assertiveness skills. assertiveness can really make you feel good about yourself. There are ways you can get exactly what you want without it being upsetting to anyone. and you feel GREAT when you've spoken up for yourself or your family.

again I'm , my ds is 10 & my dd is 3
ds found it all very funny but we all generally ignored the toddlers hoping they would get bored & toddle off back to their own table , unfortunately this didn't happen
my dd & i were very tired after a bad nights sleep ( dd 3 has atopic eczema which gets worse in the heat) & i suppose i just felt i hadn't got the energy for a confrontation which i really am no good at anyway.

Good grief! I'd certainly never let my DDs behave like that, and it's pretty disgraceful that other parents would think you didn't mind!

OTOH, you do need to grow a backbone! You should have told them politely and firmly that you would like them to please leave you alone. If they didn't listen, you should have asked their parents to keep them away.

It does rather send out the message that this is OK to your children if you allow it to happen. Personally if someone isn't telling their children what is appropriate, then I will (in my nice, high-pitched 'sing-song' voice which gets on my and everyone elses nerves!).

Nothing wrong with gently taking them by the hand and returning them to their parents, explaining what they were doing. I am really quite that you did nothing.

lol goblin will try that in future
yep nzshar need to get a backbone ,
suppose it got to me so much because the toddlers parents seemed to be enjoying their drinks in peace while we had to put up with their kids picking their noses etc while we tried to eat , they knew only too well by the looks every1 was giving them that we were annoyed but they just didn't seem to care.

i don't like confrontation either,my dh likes it even less.but,i think i would probably have told them to go back to their own table.mt sil dc's are like that,complete nightmare at our wedding...wanted to throttle them!and their parents,even more so..they just can't be arsed with any any discipline because it's hard work to get kids to behave..and well,like i said,they cant be arsed!annoying

this is one thing that really hacks me off, I've sat in beer gardens before now and had children some as young as about 3 throwing stones at us which the adults they were with just paid no attention to! Luckily I am good at confrontation and didnt put up with it!

It really annoys me though its not rocket science just to teach your children basic manners and good behaviour, people shouldnt have children in the first place if they cant install good habits into their children from an early age, I've managed it as a lone parent in tough circumstances so I'm pretty sure others can manage it if they could be bothered to try!

Just glare at them and yell GO AWAY!
The parents may well rush to rescue them from the dangerous strangers.

ok theres confrontation and there is just making yourself look like a doormat. Have some backbone fgs. If you really didnt want to say anything at the time then really yabu to then moan about it after the fact. Btw the other parents were being unreasonable too but it has bugged you a lot more than them obviously.

Pubs are a nightmare, any parent who likes an alcoholic drink whilst caring for children isn't on the ball 100% of the time I have found.
Go to a pizza place next time is my advice.

why didnt you say that at the beginning?

am not very good at confrontation but i did say no to the boy who tried to take food off ds plate , when barman came over he was giving us a dirty look so i explained that those 2 kids were not ours & he asked the toddlers father to keep them under control . the father came over & took them both back to their table but a few seconds later they were back at ours & parents just left them to it , the lunch was ruined so we just left , i was very annoyed coz i always make sure my dc's are well behaved wherever we go .

Blimey I bet because you were so tired you didn't fancy a fight but really it's not fair on your DS if you allow that to happen to him in the future.
I just say oh look our food has arrived time for you to go back to your mummy now and off they trot (and if they didn't i'd pick them up, take them over and say I believe this is yours).

YABU! You should have got their parents to make them stop or said something to the staff.

Yabu at not asking them to go back to their own table.
It would be nicer for your kids if you helped defend thier boundaries.

YABU
Either you should have told them to get lost or smiled and put up with it!

Personally speaking I would have told them to leave. Picking food off plates indeed!! If all else failed I might have told a white lie suggesting we had a dread disease or were psychos and that they would only be safe with their own parents. But then I am naughty like that.

yabu for not saying something to the kids and parents. I would of gone up to their table and had a drink out of their glass to see how they liked it. You didnt say anything, therefore, the parents probably thought you didnt mind.

Are you for real? You just let them sit with you at your table without getting the parents to shift them? You must be mad.

Other parents ABU but so are you, you need to stand up for yourselves!

dh had day off work yesterday & seeing as i was up 4 times during the night with our dd trying to settle her back to sleep i was tired so dh suggested we go out for dinner .
( this was the first time we have gone out for dinner in over a year) so we went to a nice little country pub for lunch , just as we arrived there were 2 toddlers running around , we smiled at them but decided to sit away from them as we had our own 2 dc's with us , just as the food arrived at the table the 2 toddlers (about 3yrs) came over & sat at our table & started picking food off our ds plate their parents were sitting facing us & didn't seem to care less about what their children got up to , 3 times we heard the bar man shout at them & he gave us a funny look as the were sitting at our table im sure he thought they were our kds in the end we left & didnt enjoy it a all . i was very tempted to ask their parents to remove them from our table but wimped out in the end . AIBU.