Domestic abuse victims and abusers joint therapy under council scheme!!!!!

(48 Posts)
HelenaDove Sun 27-Dec-15 15:24:14

This completely flies in the face of professional recommendations and advice that joint counselling is NOT recommended in cases of domestic abuse.
Article also reads as if the council is putting the onus on women for mens behaviour.

Am absolutely stunned and appalled by this idea. It will give many women even more cause to live in fear. How many times have we seen threads on the Relationships board where counselling has been attempted and the victim has been manipulated to "compromise"

This is absolute madness. They must have been on the Baileys when they came up with this.

www.theguardian.com/society/2015/dec/27/domestic-abuse-couples-therapy-harrow-council?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Sun 27-Dec-15 15:26:31

Ah, but we're all about victim blaming now.

Sexual assault is down to us because we're too fucking provocative. Why not DV as well?

hmm

HelenaDove Sun 27-Dec-15 16:04:37

I thought it was common sense that you dont expect the victim and perpetrator to have "counselling" together. It wouldnt happen for any other crime so why this.

Arfarfanarf Sun 27-Dec-15 16:09:18

No no no no no.
How dare they do this.
Joint counselling implies this is a problem in a relationship that both parties have to work on. Joint counselling is about understanding each others pov, compromising etc.
How long before a woman is told in joint counselling that if she stops saying x or doing y then she wont get beaten.
The potential for victim blaming is huge.

witsender Sun 27-Dec-15 16:09:59

"Triggers" for abuse? So the victim can learn to sidestep them? Awesome.

HelenaDove Sun 27-Dec-15 16:15:46

Yep .....seems to me the reasoning behind this is so women can be persuaded to walk on eggshells so their partner isnt abusive to them. Typing this out i can see how stupid this is as can many MNers so why cant those who came up with this see it. I suspect they dont want to see it.

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf Sun 27-Dec-15 16:19:56

I read this earlier, and it made me feel sick. We're once again expected just to continue as normal, as if they haven't destroyed our lives, and make sure things are 'easy' for everyone involved.

It's a disgusting violation.

SenecaFalls Sun 27-Dec-15 16:42:17

Does anyone know exactly what US model they are following, because I have searched and searched the web and can't find anything.

AnyFucker Sun 27-Dec-15 16:49:32

That is disgusting

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 27-Dec-15 16:50:24

So they sit in a little room with a counselor and talk about their relationship, Oh and the abused partner won't get a hiding will they if they say something that the abusive partner doesn't like.
Some relationships are irreparable, and no fucking one has the right to force anyone to stay with a twat who mentally financially emotionally and physically abused them .
People can't win. If a child is subject to witnessing dv the child as well as seeing a parent abused. Is ripped from that parent and taken to live with strangers. Whilst their poor little minds must be in a turmoil. Get a grip authorities. Start targeting the real villains, eg the abuser.

rumbleinthrjungle Sun 27-Dec-15 18:03:23

Equality targets and philosophies trump DV practice unfortunately. At multi agency meetings to look at the needs of abused/battered women and their children who have witnessed the abuse it is standard practice to also invite the abuser.

Because it must be fair, mustn't it?

And of course the abuser won't use that as a platform to abuse further and to get professional validation for his story that the abuse didn't happen at all and if it did she asked for it, and she's a terrible mother. It's terrifying how very little most professionals know about abusive men and traumatised women, and how much damage this kind of well intentioned ignorance can do.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 27-Dec-15 18:10:09

Absolutely shocking. Would they expect a victim of child abuse to have counselling with the offender. Counselling should be separate, and empowering women to make the best decision, which mostly involves leaving the abuser.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 27-Dec-15 18:11:35

This just shows you how little 'professionals, know about DV.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 27-Dec-15 18:12:53

This could increase the danger to an already vulnerable woman.

AnyFucker Sun 27-Dec-15 18:18:54

I imagine the women forced into doing this very misguided activity will get the shit kicked out of them later on if they dare to raise the truth in such sessions

What fucking idiot dreamt this up ?

hiddenhome2 Sun 27-Dec-15 18:21:04

What fucking idiot dreamt this up?

A man?

hiddenhome2 Sun 27-Dec-15 18:23:25

Abusers like nothing better than a good ranting session complaining about the 'behaviour' of the abused. This will be a great platform for them.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 27-Dec-15 18:26:00

Yes exactly, if they speak up they will get it when they get home. It is taking away the gravity of the situation, and not placing the responsibility on the abuser.oh he must have been provoked' oh there must be something the woman has done to upset him. Not that they just may be an inheritanly nasty psychopath. No amount of therapy will change, the best option for the victim would be to leave. Fgs this is not about petty squabbles! About violence bullying and control which the so called professionals just do not get!

HelenaDove Sun 27-Dec-15 18:26:09

It will feed the inner narcissist in the abuser.

LikeADivil Sun 27-Dec-15 18:28:30

Even the police recognise the need for a woman to be interviewed away from the abuser!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 27-Dec-15 18:30:45

Just shows how little professionals know about DV.
Well I'd guess a lot of them. Have never faced DV and have a happy marriage

AnyFucker Sun 27-Dec-15 18:41:27

There is no excuse though light

I have a happy marriage. Have never faced DV. And yet I see how soooo wrong this is.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 27-Dec-15 18:49:02

I'll know there's no excuse. Sorry if I gave the impression that I was making excuses, quite the contrary. What I meant was perhaps if they have had no understanding of DV then they're in the wrong job. As its such a sensitive subject you've got to know enough about it. It's quite infuriating to think of a happily married counselor trying to force a battered wife or husband to work on a irreparable marriage.

Karanka Sun 27-Dec-15 18:50:18

Hmm, there's a thread currently on Relationships where a woman hit her husband, and some of the posters on that thread recommended joint counselling. Guess it's different if a woman is doing the abusing?

HelenaDove Sun 27-Dec-15 18:51:05

Is it a money saving excersise ......the more couples who stay together or who are pressured to do so ......the less money they have to pay out e.g HB?

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