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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

leaving apples on the ground?

41 replies

LiverpoolLou · 30/09/2014 09:18

We live in a small rural village. Our property has an old apple tree in the far corner of the front garden. Some years it doesn't produce much but this year it's gone bonkers. Inevitably some of the apples end up on the road.

A neighbour further up on the opposite side of the lane seems to be really angry about this. He's just swept them down the road from the corner and up my path. So instead of being all together under the tree they're scattered all over my front garden. He's then walked the length of the road to pick up a few strays which the school kids have picked up and then dropped and thrown them over the hedge at my house before stomping off home.

My husband picks up as many as he can at the weekends but it's dark when he gets in from work so can't do it then. You can see he's been doing it because there are buckets of apples by the tree waiting to be taken to the tip. I can't do it during the week because I am disabled.

I suffer from severe anxiety (have AS) and am now really stressed. I also have executive function deficit and so have problems with prioritising. I get help from social services with this so feel paralysed at someone making an issue of a task which hasn't been worked into my routine yet.

I actually want to cry of these fucking apples now. It's not even like they affect him at all other than having to see them when he drives past to get to his house.

So AIBU to leave them?

OP posts:
nethunsreject · 30/09/2014 09:19

Yanbu. Neighbour sounds horrible.

nethunsreject · 30/09/2014 09:21

If I were your neighbour I'd be asking for a few for a pie, not harrrassing you

PurpleWithRed · 30/09/2014 09:22

Do they cause a problem for Anyone?

Elisheva · 30/09/2014 09:28

If your neighbour wants to spend time sweeping up apples then let him, what he does with his time is his choice. You could even thank him for his help with a big smile next time you see him. Smile

Original poster
LiverpoolLou · 30/09/2014 09:29

I suppose they could be seen to cause a minor problem in that sometimes they get mushed by cars driving over them but this is only in the small area under the branches. There are no pavements and the road is a dead end apart from the back gate to the school and kids walk down the middle of the road. I've lived here for 7 years and nobody else has said anything and my other neighbours talk to me all the time. I've never spoken to this guy other than to say hello.

OP posts:
Original poster
LiverpoolLou · 30/09/2014 09:37

I wouldn't mind if he just swept them up or brushed them into the hedge. But that's not what he's doing. He's sweeping them down the road along the hedge and then up my path (approx 30/40m) so it seems like he's trying to make a point and I find it quite an aggressive. The sun is shinning and I have some tasks to do in the garden which my occupational therapist wants me to do before I see her again on Friday, but now I feel intimidated and can't go out because I'm scared.

OP posts:
LuisSuarezTeeth · 30/09/2014 09:37

Good grief what a muppet. It's a rural area! Just ignore him.

FWIW i also live in a rural, food producing area. Nobody bats an eyelid at what ends up on the path or road. Our local Bobbies were out on a roundabout picking up spilled potatoes the other day - everyone had a laugh about it. We've had sprouts on the main road, straw everywhere...

Your neighbour is a nutter. Try not to let it get to you x

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 30/09/2014 09:43

First of all, you're doing nothing wrong. Don't feel bad. Get out in the garden today if you can.

Would it help to twist this on it's head though? If he's going to such extremes then he has issues with the apples. Possibly he's just an annoying neighbour, but maybe he's dealing with his own anxieties and this is his method. If you think of it like that does it help you feel less attacked (less like his actions are aggressive) and more sympathetic towards him?

SirChenjin · 30/09/2014 09:48

What he's doing is not 'normal' behaviour. It sounds very much like the kind of thing my Dad would do - he has bipolar disorder and also suffers from anxiety, and when he's in one of his downers this is precisely the sort of thing that would eat away at him until he got to the point that he was out sweeping up the apples and throwing them back in your garden - in his head they would probably be making a mess of the road, attracting vermin and likely to damage his car. It's not rational, it's mortifying for the family and it's upsetting for you.

I'm not an MH expert so cannot offer any practical solutions as to how you can deal with this in your circumstances. Is it possible to allocate half and hour to the task of sweeping them up each day? 1.30-2 is apple sweeping time, for example? Also - if I have correctly understood your neighbour - try and remind yourself that he is not behaving rationally and therefore you can't rationalise the irrational. You may alternatively choose to leave the apples and let him work through his problem with them himself.

SirChenjin · 30/09/2014 09:48

x posts with Truth

ithoughtofitfirst · 30/09/2014 09:50

Omg my ds spat out orange pith on the floor the other because he's 2 and does that kind of thing at the worst moments and someone called me a 'complete scruff' loud enough for a crowd of people to hear.

Would have picked it up (i may well be lying about this) but am 38 weeks pregnant and was carrying loads of stuff and if i'd bent down i would never got back up.

YANBU. I felt like we'd just made some dieting seagull's day. JEEEEEEZ.

Some people just forget to pull the stick out of their ass before leaving the house in the morning.

SirChenjin · 30/09/2014 09:51
Confused
ithoughtofitfirst · 30/09/2014 09:51

We're talking about fruit right? That decomposes?

You're fine OP.

SirChenjin · 30/09/2014 09:53

Ahh - got you now

MidniteScribbler · 30/09/2014 09:55

Do you have a neighbour or group nearby that make their own cider? Offer them as many apples as they want if they come and pick them up. Problem solved.

ithoughtofitfirst · 30/09/2014 09:59

Now see OP i think if you solve the problem you're giving in to the peer pressure of neighbourhood watch curtain twitcher dude.

You should just make an avalanche of apples happen right into his bedroom window. He probably dreams about that every night.

I'm being silly because i've had 3 hours sleep.

Ignore me. Please.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 30/09/2014 10:17

Perhaps an apple fell on his head as a child and he has forever hated them.

Original poster
LiverpoolLou · 30/09/2014 10:20

I'm actually really surprised at these responses. I thought you were all going to tell off, that no wonder the poor bloke's had enough having to live near someone with such low standards.

OP posts:
Eve · 30/09/2014 10:20

shame you are not local to me, I would come get them for the horses!

LuisSuarezTeeth · 30/09/2014 10:22

No way! He is the one with the problem, not you. I'm just imagining all those MENACING apples, rolling about, getting squished and causing him TERRIBLE anguish Grin

SirChenjin · 30/09/2014 11:29

No, no telling off from me! Smile I honestly think it's symptomatic of other problems your neighbour has in his life - whether or not he's getting support and treatment for it is another issue. I'm aware I could be massively projecting my Dad's problems, but it sounds so typical of the kind of thing he does when he's having one of his 'spells'

Original poster
LiverpoolLou · 30/09/2014 12:00

I've just realised that this isn't the first time he's done this. He must have done it yesterday too. I noticed apples all over the path when I took DS to nursery yesterday but assumed that DH must have dropped them when clearing apples the day before. DH was confused last night when I asked him because he didn't remember dropping any. Sometimes it takes a while for the penny to drop but I get there in the end. So this morning he's got the hump over apples that have fallen overnight.

OP posts:
WaroftheRoses · 30/09/2014 12:08

Can you find someone who has horses? They would welcome free food for them! Or pigs..... Seems a shame they are going to waste and causing so much aggro when there will be someone who would quite happily take them off your hands!

MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 30/09/2014 13:11

Leave a note on your wall allowing anyone to collect them for livestock etc. Freecycle might have takers.
The bloke is a knob.

cathpip · 30/09/2014 13:25

The bloke is a knob with nothing better to do!