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To refuse to get up at 5am to help dh find a tie?

(59 Posts)
Mrneedy Thu 21-Mar-13 01:05:18

he has a function/benefit

I've found his suit
Sourced a new shirt
Waited in all morning for it

Rinsed it, ironed it
He works hard, long hours, I dont mind helping

Then just as he was going to bed, he said
I might need your help in the morning to sort my tie

Really??
I said no, he should sort it now
He's now asleep

I am not getting up at 5am
He's known for weeks that he had to get this sorted

MadAboutHotChoc Fri 22-Mar-13 21:48:28

Mrneedy - ditto, my DH works similar hours and he works away a lot too.

Proud to say that he still sorts his own clothes out. He is NOT a manchild.

Mrneedy Fri 22-Mar-13 18:17:55

Just for some context, dh works at least 12 hours a day, usually 14-15, plus conference calls,client lunches/dinners
He's not actually home that much. His work clothes go to the dry cleaners, I will leave out his underwear/socks, he puts them away, other casual stuff I usually put away
I am a sahm, I don't have much to do

ihearsounds Fri 22-Mar-13 08:00:45

What is it with all these so called grown men that dont seem to be able to function without thier partners.. Its about time that apron stings were cut and stopped being babied.
He had a choice, he could have gone and found the tie before he went to bed, Not a hard concept really. At least looking himself he would have a better understanding of knowing where his things are.

PopMusic Fri 22-Mar-13 07:55:01

Just as a contrast, my four year old got up this morning and opened his wardrobe and said "I think I will wear these blue socks today" and found his dressing gown himself which he had left on the chair.

diddl Germany Fri 22-Mar-13 07:53:42

But even if he does more washing up that you, SoVery-I bet you still know where the stuff is-or know which cupboards to look in!

As a pp put, there's usually only limited places where something will be!

SoVerySleepy Fri 22-Mar-13 07:50:13

To those who are horrified that the woman does 99% of the laundry so knows where her partner's clothes are more accurately than he does: I do 99% of the laundry in our house and he doesn't have a clue where his bow tie is but he does 99% of the washing up. I hate washing up. I;d do far more than 99% of the laundry to get out of it!

You are criticising the OP without knowing the full set-up of her life. If she is happy with the way things are (minus 5am wake ups, that is U!) then leave her be.

edwardsmum11 Fri 22-Mar-13 07:45:47

Yanbu. My hubby would get a very tired lecture if he tried this with me..... he is surely old enough to do this himself.

MrsSpagBol Thu 21-Mar-13 20:34:42

MrsHoarder - please re-read OP's post. He didn't actually wake her up. He said

"I might need your help in the morning to sort my tie"

You are getting so outraged about something that didn't actually happen!
He said he might need to, she said no (well within her rights to do so if she doesn't want to be woken up) - pipe down.

He never said he couldn't find his clothes? This is what I mean about OTT reactions! hmm

MrsHoarder Thu 21-Mar-13 19:03:24

MrsSB there is a difference between waking someone up to say "I'm really nervous" and to say "I can't find an item of clothing.

DH is the opposite, wouldn't dream of waking me unless I need to be up at the same time (or earlier as an alarm clock that can shift me has him wide awake --and shaking me to wake me up--).

StuntGirl Thu 21-Mar-13 18:47:15

Sorry needy am grin at how much 'sorting' a tie could need! I assume he's had some degree of notice for this event?

nocake Thu 21-Mar-13 18:33:23

I'm a bloke and if I'm leaving the house early I creap about trying not to wake DW. It's completely unreasonable to expect her to get up to help me and why on earth would I need help?

MrsSpagBol Thu 21-Mar-13 18:29:24

Yes but she didn't say he does this all the time / doesn't do any housework at all / cant dress himself at all etc!

I just think some of the reactions are a tad extreme, without any context. Never mind.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 21-Mar-13 18:22:12

MrsSB, OP said early on her DH isn't nervous about this kind of thing.

MrsSpagBol Thu 21-Mar-13 18:04:16

Yes Pandemonia but OP said it was some big do he was going to and I was merely suggesting that he might have been nervous?

Nowhere did I advocate just random daily crack of dawn demands - which would be inconsiderate.

Surely my DH waking me up once or twice in 9 years together hardly constitutes a complete lack of consideration for me? If that's how you would judge my marriage that's up to you but I think you are being a bit OTT. Imho.

Pandemoniaa Thu 21-Mar-13 17:55:36

I would have thought that is part of being in a marriage / partnership?

But the circumstances you describe are a bit different. The OP's husband, on the other hand, thinks it is acceptable to wake his wife to sort him out a tie. But while we are on about what constitutes being in a marriage/partnership, how about consideration for your partner? I'd say that was quite an important element of being a couple too.

MrsSpagBol Thu 21-Mar-13 17:40:20

berthakitt each to their own i suppose. I have to say i find you a bit judgemental though.

My husband doesn't wake me up at 5 am every day, or even every time he needs to leave at 5am but there have bern occasions when he is facing something monumental and does need a reassuring word / snuggle before he leaves. How is that mothering him and all else you went on about?

I have had a situation - going to my final chef training prac exam - where I was literally nauseous with nerves and i did wake him up before i left (early) as i was about to faint with fear and just needed some encouragement! I would have thought that is part of being in a marriage / partnership?

confused

Mrneedy Thu 21-Mar-13 14:18:30

He dug out his suit, didn't have a shirt
He was trying to order one from work, but he just got too busy so I took over and ordered it, next day delivery
He's a big size, so couldn't just go in a shop and buy one

He has a wardrobe in our bedroom, but also drawers and wardrobe in spare room

RevoltingPeasant Thu 21-Mar-13 13:57:26

yy Bertha. I think my DH would be quite weirded out if I bought him clothes - except as a Christmas gift or similar - I actually have no idea what size he is. We do laundry equally, when it needs doing, and put away our own stuff. I'm actually not 100% sure how he organises stuff in his wardrobe so wouldn't know where to find his ties etc.

To each their own, I guess, but I'm really glad my DH doesn't expect me to do stuff like this for him.

DoJo Thu 21-Mar-13 13:25:56

How many places are people keeping their clothes? We have a wardrobe each and a chest of drawers - i.e. a finite space in which all clothes are kept. If it isn't in the wardrobe, it's in the drawers - can there be that many places to look that it needs two people?

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Thu 21-Mar-13 12:58:51

DH occasionally asks where the socks are cause they are in a pile of clothes on the landing but as he is an adult he is more than capable of dressing himself.

Pandemoniaa Thu 21-Mar-13 12:56:23

I do the washing too. It suits me. But DP knows exactly where it all goes because he's an adult and quite capable of sorting his own clothes out. I am not his handmaiden and certainly not at 5am when I am incapable of civil speech!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 21-Mar-13 12:52:22

Bertha - quite.

I have on occasion helped DH to pick out a tie to go with a new shirt or suit, especially if he has a job interview. He is colourblind, so the results can be interesting if I don't! grin

OP - did you really organise a new suit for him?? hmm

DH does a fair share of the washing, ironing and mending. He has never asked me to sort out his clothes for him. Probably because he is an adult and I am not his mum. hmm

diddl Germany Thu 21-Mar-13 12:48:55

It amazes me that men would be hurt by this.

If someone offered to do that for me I'd be wondering why they thought I was incapable & wanted/needed it doing.

But that some grown men actually embarrass themselves by asking a partner to get stuff out/ready for them...

ArtVandelay Thu 21-Mar-13 12:16:21

My DH tries this bollocks all the time and then acts all hurt and bewildered when I give him the rage and tell him to piss off.

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