To be waiting for the perfect proposal

(110 Posts)
Oopsiedaisie Tue 19-Mar-13 11:29:00

Nearly three years ago when I found out I was pregnant it was a surprise but both DP and I were very happy about it. I did say that I wished we were married already though. A year later DP proposed but not in a remotely romantic way (didn't get down on one knee, in a busy public place and hadn't even planned a meal or anything afterwards). I couldn't hide my disappointment and so we had a big emotional discussion and he agreed he would do it again more romantically. Almost two years later and I'm still waiting. (Admittedly in that time we've had another child and moved countries twice). Every so often I bring it up and he says he wants to do it but hasn't had time/ doesn't know what to do/ was hurt after last time etc... Last time we spoke about it he essentially admitted it was his laziness that meant it hadn't happened so far. I am growing increasingly resentful that he can find time for rugby/football/wasting time on a million other things but can't find time to be romantic JUST ONCE. But! Am I being unreasonable and a princess? should I just cut my losses, go down to the registry office and get it over with? 

squeakytoy Tue 19-Mar-13 11:31:03

Propose to him then?

quoteunquote Tue 19-Mar-13 11:31:18

just get on with it, life is too short.

PurpleBlossom Tue 19-Mar-13 11:32:56

Problem is whatever he does now will be cringey and awkward. The moments past I think.

I think you need to decide what's more important, getting proposed to or getting married.

Normally I'd be on your side, how hard can it be for a guy to propose? But given how badly you reacted the first time, I kind of don't blame him.

mrsjay Tue 19-Mar-13 11:34:59

do the big romatic proposal to him then you are trying to set something up that just isnt in him to do and create that scenario , doesn't mean he doesn't love you just he may feel a bit of a prat getting down on one knee in a busy place with a ring,

You're being daft unless he doesn't pull his weight.

'Romance' is being a good lover/partner/ pulling your weight round the house/ working as a team/cherishing your family - not some idiotic 'down on one knee/dinner in Pizza Express' shenanigan.

So if he's crap in other ways bitch about that - is this 'proposal' really about something else?

Life is not a film......what is the point of a massive romantic gesture especially if he is forced into it. Unless it is spontaneously coming from him its just a total farce!!

DH and I had been engaged about 5 years, I went to the local chuch, booked the wedding, came back and told him the date we were getting married. I think if he had gone down on one knee and made a massive deal about it, I would have cringed with embarrasment.

mrsjay Tue 19-Mar-13 11:36:29

you dont need to go down the registry office in your jeans and get it over with you can have a romantic wedding you know

Whitewineformeplease Tue 19-Mar-13 11:36:36

It's not about a proposal though, is it, it sounds like it's more about you, with two small DC's, just wanting a bit of romance and spontaneity. Maybe talk to your DP about going away together, for a weekend or something, just the two of you.

Oopsiedaisie Tue 19-Mar-13 11:36:56

Squeakytoy - he always said he'd hate it if I proposed. Yep Purple I think you're prob right!

mrsjay Tue 19-Mar-13 11:38:24

TBF he has proposed he wants to marry you but it wasn't good enough for you IYSWIM

Pilfette Tue 19-Mar-13 11:38:34

It's a personal thing, isn't it?

I 'proposed' to DH after we'd been together for 6 weeks, and were about to go to Seville for a week. I was going to the loo after amour and as I walked out of the bedroom I said "you are going to marry me, aren't you?" then stood in the loo for 15 minutes banging my head off the wall in a 'WTAF did I just DO?' way. When I plucked up the courage to go back to bed, he was giggling and said "yes, of course, I was going to wait til we were somewhere lovely and romantic, but you've just taken all the pressure off!" and he didn't actually have a ring or anything

We got married a year and a week after we met and are blissfully happy.

What would you like him to do? Is it worth being a bit more direct about your expectations? Maybe he's floundering and worrying about what you want?

GooseyLoosey Tue 19-Mar-13 11:38:50

Why don't you go away for a weekend and plan the perfect romantic wedding together.

mrsjay Tue 19-Mar-13 11:39:40

aww Pilfette that is lovely smile

KC225 Tue 19-Mar-13 11:41:05

Agree with LaurieFairy - My husband proposed to me on a husky sleigh ride through snowy forest in Sweden, very romantic. Fast forward 8 years and two kids later, last birthday he bought me a cookery timer ..........

If you want a big showy proposal do it yourself

Pilfette Tue 19-Mar-13 11:42:14

mrsjay When people ask I rewrite history re-frame it as an example of female empowerment grin

milf90 Tue 19-Mar-13 11:42:26

I think that maybe all the romantic stuff isnt him and it would be awkward for him to propose that way because it doesn't come naturally to him?

My oh has just proposed and written down it might not seem the most romantic way, but it was very him and very us so for that reason it was special.

If you are going to keep bugging him about it you are goin to ruin it, as it is you just need to leave him to it

Maggie111 Tue 19-Mar-13 11:43:46

Yeah, my DH would not have proposed again if we had a big emotional conversation about how he did it wrong....

I would echo other suggestions saying you speak to him and say you want to plan a romantic getaway - but don't mention a proposal! Just plan it how you'd like (nice hotel, nice meal etc) but leave popping the question up to him and hope for the best.

quoteunquote Tue 19-Mar-13 11:44:27
Oopsiedaisie Tue 19-Mar-13 11:44:52

Wow never posted on here before and can't believe how quick people respond! Pilfette - I love your story! Yes I've been pretty specific about what I want but like people are saying its prob freaked him out/ taken all possibility of romance out of it. Goosey - that's a lovely idea. Will think about it. I don't think it is about an underlying problem (although of course more romance/time alone would be amazing). It's just that for me I've always dreamed of the proposal part never been bothered about the white dress etc..

mrsjay Tue 19-Mar-13 11:45:27

mrsjay When people ask I rewrite history re-frame it as an example of female empowerment

you did it for the sisterhood grin

ArcticRoll Tue 19-Mar-13 11:47:01

YABU

Peevish Tue 19-Mar-13 11:47:06

OP, you sound as if you have very specific expectations/requirements for a proposal! It would never occur to me for a single second that any proposing man (or woman), first or second time around, would get down on one knee anywhere, busy and public or not (wouldn't that make the average woman scream with derisive laughter?), and a meal afterwards wouldn't strike me as the obvious follow-up either!

Either way, I agree with others that not only has the moment passed, it has passed so far that it is pre-history - for heaven's sake, you have been engaged for two years, and have two children together! To want to be proposed to all over again makes no sense - it's like deciding you want to order your dinner again when you're in the middle of the main course! You are already thoroughly committed to one another, and it would be really weird for either of you to stage a second proposal as if the first hadn't happened. You've already agreed to marry - get on with it! Congratulations!

Bridgetbidet Tue 19-Mar-13 11:49:09

I have to say that what you view as the ideal proposal is an awful lot of peoples idea of the ultimate cheesy embarrassment. I thought that kind of thing went out with the ark. He may well hav just been thinking along those lines

Also I think you might have killed it for him. To be honest I think if you really were delighted about marrying him as a person you would have been happy however he had done it. The way you reacted would have put perfectly reasonable doubts in your mind about how you feel about him. e.g. you're not that bothered about marrying him, you're more bothered about grand gestures and a big day rather than the actual business of loving each other so much you want to get married.

I really can understand how from the blokes point of view this could be a deal breaker.

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