AIBU to feel sorry for the Dad who's baby

(74 Posts)
molly199 Tue 05-Mar-13 14:00:05

Died from the herpes virus.

It such a sad circumstance, and its good that the news is making people aware of it.

But there is a big focus on the fact the Father gave it to the baby (from a kiss), I feel so sorry for him. As it's been really publicised that he did it.

Such a sad story.

That poor dad. (And mum of course)

sad

oldraver Tue 05-Mar-13 17:00:29

I think a lot of people see coldsores as nuisance but trivial. My Mum gets loads but will never kiss anyone when she has them, I had a friend who would always keep her Lip Balm to herself and throw away after an outbreak.

My OH suffers from coldsores and didnt realise you weren't supposed to kiss anyone anywhere when you had them

Kendodd Tue 05-Mar-13 17:09:00

I have 3 DCs and have never heard of this, never read any info about it, never seen any warnings. This must be a known risk, I should have heard.

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Tue 05-Mar-13 17:09:43

Don't share glasses/towels/cutlery/food or kiss. I won't allow ds to kiss me anywhere when I have a coldsore and I won't kiss him anywhere. You have to be so careful.

TroublesomeEx Tue 05-Mar-13 17:14:37

I had no idea they were so dangerous either.

I know to avoid kissing because they're easily spread and that once you have the virus it lives in your body indefinitely.

But I had no idea a baby could die from the virus.

So, so sad. sad

LadyPessaryPam Tue 05-Mar-13 17:24:10

If you have genital herpes it's pretty dangerous to the baby if you have an attack when you give birth I believe. This is because essentially it's the same herpes virus that causes this and bog standard cold sores round the mouth.

CSIJanner Tue 05-Mar-13 17:37:37

My sister caught one years ago when someone kissed her aged 4 so my mother always told us to cuddle only when a cold sore appears. Same as cold and my elderly parents - I stay away.

The poor family though - It's devastating

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 05-Mar-13 17:49:21

I get cold sores really bad, I'm currently sat here with 5 on my lips and chin. I take anti viruals when I have them, I use patches to cover them don't share anything that goes near my face and obsessively use hand gel. The only reason I knew about the risk to tiny babies was because I was told in a hospital abroad, even HCP'S over here don't seam to be very aware.

Few people even realise that whilst yes its most contagious when you have a sore they can be passed on even when you do not have an active sore.

And yes I've been spoken to like I'm a nut job when I've asked people who had them to wash hands before the pick up any of my babies and not to kiss them.people just don't know about the risk.

I feel for that family and I hope they find peace with what happened.

TheSeniorWrangler Tue 05-Mar-13 17:49:37

i've never had cold sores, but my mom and hubby both have.

Both were bought up to know you DONT kiss ANYONE when you have one and have religiously stuck to it.

Im amazed it isnt common knowledge.

Booboostoo Tue 05-Mar-13 17:54:47

I get cold sores and apart from when I contracted them (from kissing a guy who had one and didn't say anything) I've known that you don't kiss, you don't share utensils/towels/sheets, you don't touch them and touch other people and you are 1000% more careful around babies under 2 years old.

I am surprised so many people do not know how contageous and dangerous they can be.

midastouch Tue 05-Mar-13 17:56:27

I feel very sorry for him, i cannot imagine the pain from grief he is in. I had a cold sore when DD was 6 months old (obviously older and stronger than his DC) and i still kissed her it never crossed my mind, its habit to kiss your babies! Poor man!

LifeSavedbyLego Tue 05-Mar-13 17:58:09

Heavens. I didn't know this and I read everything going when ds1 was a pfb. Jesus Christ I could have killed him.

My heart truly goes out to this man.

WilsonFrickett Tue 05-Mar-13 17:58:37

I know it's common knowledge Wrangler, but I didn't know the consequences could be so devastating. So when my friend has her baby soon, previously I would have visited when I had a cold sore and just not kissed the baby, now I would probably not visit at all if I have an active outbreak (baby is likely to be preemie too so just not worth the risk).

I will measure the risks differently know I know it can kill is what I'm saying.

Rosehassometoes Tue 05-Mar-13 17:59:26

I remember a teacher telling me about this in year 6. Think we must have been doing sex ed or something as she said to make sure have german measles jab and never let other people kiss your baby pn thr lips. It's stuck with me- I've never had a cole sore but I've also never kissed my 3 month old on the lips- will when he's older but mouths are full of germs.

BegoniaBampot Tue 05-Mar-13 17:59:28

i think people know they are contagious, just not so dangerous.

morethanpotatoprints Tue 05-Mar-13 18:03:01

This is awful news and totally avoidable. I feel so sorry for the man and his family.

It was on the list of warnings given me by my mid wife over 21 years ago now.

When do warnings like this cease to be important info given to parents?

Rosehassometoes Tue 05-Mar-13 18:14:27

morethan I was in yr 6 21 years ago- wonder if there was a campaign/something in the news then.

I feel so sorry for him, it's just tragic...

I knew herpes was dangerous for babies as I know someone who has it and had to have a C-Section as she had an attack near the end of her pregnancy. I think people just sometimes forget it's the same thing.

I didn't know about this, it's awful sad

Glad I read it on here as my LO is due in one week and I wouldn't have given a second thought to cold sores. I am glad that the dad has been string enough for this to go public and raise awareness - what a brave man. I hope their new baby helps to ease some of their pain.

Kaida Tue 05-Mar-13 19:39:31

I said the same thing a while ago on here ChunkyPickle, about shutting nurseries and was roundly told I was being ridiculous and that my DC with eczema (another risk category for herpes deaths) would just have to risk dying from another child's coldsore or stay home himself (presumably all the time as how would I know which children might have one) rather than them stay home when having an outbreak.

DH has the virus but didn't know it was even a virus until I told him, he thought coldsores were just something everyone got. He's now super careful.

Kaida Tue 05-Mar-13 19:40:57

Not "shutting nurseries", DC staying home when infectious. Ooops.

AmberLeaf Tue 05-Mar-13 19:54:50

The problem with keeping a child with a cold sore home from nursery [and school?] is that sufferers can have several in sucession, they can be triggered by the sun, they can also be triggered by the cold! so does that mean if a child suffers from them they should never go to nursery?

I know for some the risks are very serious, but I think it would be better to educate people about preventing the spread of them.

I feel very sorry for this man.

I do remember a similar case a few years back, but it was the Mum that passed it on.

Glittertwins Tue 05-Mar-13 20:00:32

I get them when I am stressed, lips get too dried out or sunshine too. I am fanatical about keeping my face away from DCs if I think one is coming up as well. I have a an old sample tube from hospital (never used for its intended purpose!) that I keep Zovirax and cut up cotton buds in so I never touch it either.

BruisedFanjo Tue 05-Mar-13 20:20:30

I get cold sores v badly, the last outbreak lasted 6 months and spread all down my chin and halfway up cheek. Each outbreak leaves scars and the skin trauma has caused exfoiative cheilitis and dermatitis. I'm now on long term antivirals for suppression which cause sickness, dizzyness and have exacerbated a mental health problem I have - but I put up with that as the doctor was very clear on how dangerous the virus could be to DD if she caught it - especially if she is the same as me re: weakness to the virus.

I feel so sorry for the father, not just how he will be feeling now, but he will probably never be able to relax around his new baby when he has an outbreak either. Always be scared and paranoid about what could happen. sad

FakePlasticLobsters Tue 05-Mar-13 20:41:04

My friend had never had a cold sore before the one she got when her daughter was born.

It was just a small spot on her lip and even her midwife said it was nothing to worry about, just something that had happened because she was run down after giving birth.

And they didn't warn her that the virus could be passed to her baby, not just through kissing but through perhaps just accidentally brushing against it without realising and then touching her daughter.

That first link, about this poor man and his wife and son, says that breastfeeding can also pass the virus on, which I hadn't realised. They do need to make people more aware of the risks and dangers, because people do dismiss them as 'just' a cold sore and nothing much to worry about.

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