to not get my friend a birthday present?

(30 Posts)
eavesdropping Fri 01-Mar-13 10:32:51

Going out this evening for a friend's birthday meal (not a milestone birthday) and was planning on just giving her a card, but am starting to wonder whether that is BU.

There are about 8 of us in this friendship group and have known them around 5 years. I have never given them birthday presents - just cards. It doesn't seem necessary to me to give presents to adult friends unless it's a special birthday.

But, I've noticed over the years that they do all exchange presents, albeit small ones. It makes me feel a little awkward on nights out when I've just got them a card...but have carried on. This particular friend got me a box of chocolates for my last birthday, so it does make me feel a bit shit not to reciprocate.

Problem is I'm in a totally different financial situation to them. They're all in decently paid jobs and are still child-free - whereas I'm a SAHM, DH only has a modest wage and we always live hand to mouth. This month is already going to be expensive for me what with this night out, DH's and DD's birthdays. Buying even a small present for her would be a stretch.

So, AIBU not to? Even though she got me something and I know they'll all have things for her? I also worry that if I do get her something, will the others wonder why I've never done so for them?

ENormaSnob Fri 01-Mar-13 20:07:10

I would prefer just cards for birthdays really, but, if my pals bought for me I would reciprocate. I would feel shit otherwise.

On the other hand, I wouldn't be at all bothered if I bought for a friend and they just got me a card.

No help to you at all then really grin

INeverSaidThat Sat 02-Mar-13 00:29:28

I think giving just cards is great. If it were my birthday I would be delighted that my friends wanted to come out and celebrate with me.

(I hope you don't feel oblidged to split the meal bill with your friends)

WafflyVersatile Sat 02-Mar-13 01:35:52

I don't even worry about receiving cards. My attitude to birthdays and christmas is save your money for meeting up and having a nice evening out. I'd much rather just have their company. I have enough material possessions. I absolutely hate the idea of friends spending money they can ill-afford on presents I can either afford easier myself, don't need, and quite possibly not even like.

They are not your friends in the hope of receiving gifts.

Littleturkish Sat 02-Mar-13 05:52:36

Oh god no, don't bother with a gift. I hate little tat and chocolate irritates me as I don't want to eat it.

Keep with the card- totally normal.

MusicalEndorphins Sat 02-Mar-13 06:05:33

Cards are good, write something very nice inside it. You being there to celebrate her birthday is what counts. smile

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