To be really pissed of with DH for telling DD off?

(35 Posts)
NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:41:35

DD (7) was in the bath. DH has told her not to mess around with the soap as last time she did (a year ago) he found it all over everything in the bath.

She put some into one of their bath toy containers this evening to make a perfume, I said it was fine, went downstairs, DH went upstairs, saw what she'd done and told her off.... DH and I then had a row about it, I think he is being fucking ridiculous, she is in the bath ffs! He said I shouldn't encourage her to do things like that because she will scout the house looking for things to make perfumes with hmm

I know he is really stressed with work at the moment but I think he's being an utter idiot, aibu??

pictish Wed 27-Feb-13 22:41:45

Aye but it's also costly. Fuck that.

MrsMushroom Wed 27-Feb-13 22:29:52

Sirzy it is not "odd" at all. Soap is a sensual thing...some children love textures and especially ones which change according to what they DO with them.
#
Soap, sand, earth, water, face cream, shaving foam in a can...it's natural to want to touch and squish that kind of thing.

YANBU he is. But it's not a big deal unless it happens all,the time.

By the way, I stripped my dm's enormous azalea bush of flowers at it's rather impressive peak when I was 9. I squeezed the flowers to make perfume. I got some lovely pink manky water, which went mouldy after a week of being hidden in my wardrobe as I denied everything despite lurid pink hands . It was not my first foray into scent grin he may have a point!

aldiwhore Wed 27-Feb-13 22:11:59

To be fair on both of you it seems to me like a simple disagreement... he didn't know you'd given permission and was excerising his right to an opinion, like you did, it's fairly common. Even though DH and I agree naturally on most parent related things there are times when I or he has given persmission for something the other wouldn't. We REALLY try not to row.

The only way we get round it, is when it crops up, which it does (as we don't give written reports of every permission we give) is to agree that if it does happen, the person who gave the permission should be backed up and the one that didn't initially, should back down.

It seems to work okay. YANBU, and although I don't agree with your DH I don't think HWBU either... YWBU (as was he) for rowing about it.

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 22:07:34

just found this might keep her entertained!

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 22:04:25

Can I just say I don't advocate her squashing it/rubbing in on things/dropping in an leaving it in the bath so it goes murky, rather just let her use a bit of it for her potion, she really loved the smell

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 22:02:23

ChocHobNob- that made me laugh!

kinkyfuckery Wed 27-Feb-13 22:02:08

But if your DS has eczema that is made worse by soap, and your DD is likely to "cover everything" in the bathroom with soap, surely that's enough reason for her to NOT be playing with it?

Sirzy Wed 27-Feb-13 22:01:48

I agree with those saying soap is not to be played with, I find it quite odd that people would play with it actually!

LaQueen Wed 27-Feb-13 22:01:36

Your DH has every much right to chastise your DD, as you do.

He'd asked her not to do something, which she then did. I'm not remotely surprised he told her off.

95% of the time, DH and I see totally eye-2-eye on how the DDs should behave.

On the very rare occasion I think he's been out of line, then I do speak to him about it - but, privately. Publically, I will always support him, infront of the DDs.

As far as our DDs are concerned, we a united front.

ChocHobNob Wed 27-Feb-13 22:01:16

This kind of thing does not equal soap by the way! I meant disagreeing over minor things with the kids.

ChocHobNob Wed 27-Feb-13 22:00:30

It does sound like you both overreacted a bit. He probably felt like you were undermining him and you were annoyed too. This kind of thing causes silly arguments between parents quite a bit I should imagine. I know it has between me and my husband. Normally followed by one of us saying "that was really silly wasn't it?" and apologising.

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:59:37

It's a relief to know he is not the only one with 'soap issues', I was starting to worry I must admit blush!

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:58:43

ChocHobNob - I can't remember exactly what I said but I think it was along those lines. I guess we're both quite tired & stressed atm

pictish Wed 27-Feb-13 21:57:55

I hate my kids playing with the soap. blush
It goes all mushy.

I don't get bent out of shape about it though. I don't really care, but if I see them with it I'll take it off them. Calmly...nicely.

blackeyedsusan Wed 27-Feb-13 21:57:52

how is she supposed to remember a rule from a year ago?

how are you to enforce a rule that he has not told you about?

hwbu. to have a go at her over something so trivial is not on. he could have reminded her not to play with the soap in the bath, less upset.

ChocHobNob Wed 27-Feb-13 21:57:43

I don't see it as controlling confused He just didn't want her to make a mess again with the soap.

ChocHobNob Wed 27-Feb-13 21:56:36

Perhaps it might have been better to approach it with "it was my fault she was playing with it, I let her" rather than having a go at him?

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:55:51

kinkyfuckery - I think he was just tired and grumpy and being controlling

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:55:07

Sirzy - I didn't even remember him saying it, or the incident. Even so I think it's a silly thing to tell her off for, she literally but a tiny bit in the cup.

kinkyfuckery Wed 27-Feb-13 21:54:52

Is he cross because of the messing around, or the eczema issue?

ChocHobNob Wed 27-Feb-13 21:54:44

Sorry MyHead. I think I've got to the point where I see my name so often now, I am indifferent to ChocHobNobs! It's a miracle!

I'm just trying to figure out how the row started. Did he start having a go at you for letting her play with it or did you start having a go at him for telling her off or was it 50/50 between you?

I actually agree with him and don't let my kids play with the soaps and shampoos in the bath.

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:53:50

MrsMushroom - Great idea!

NaughtyBetty Wed 27-Feb-13 21:52:31

I told him he was being UR, that it was soap and she was in the bath, he said he'd told her not to in the past and that she would just get it everywhere, and so on.... He then called me an idiot and stormed off...

MrsMushroom Wed 27-Feb-13 21:52:29

Oh my DH is always saying "no" to stuff I don;t bat an eyelid about....then they row and then we row. It's a common but annoying problem, especially when you're not brought up in the same way.

I let mine experiment with all kinds of thigns...they have to ask...then I let them unless it's boric acid or something.

Tell DH it's very important for their learning.

Also...here's a thing your DD will like...buy some cheapo white soap, some glycerine from any chemist...and some lavender or other dried flowers...grate the bars of soap and then mix them in a bowl with a spoonful of glycerine.

Next, squish a handful of dried flowers into the mixture.

after that, press some into a cookie cutter...on a clean surface...fill it up like making a sandcastle and smooth the top and bottom flat.

Then pop it out and let it dry.

it's messy and doesn't make great soap but it's also fun...my DDs both love it.

We did it in a museum one day and they put them into little organza bags for the girls to take home like a gift.

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