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To wonder what makes some people truly nasty on public transport?

(101 Posts)
redplasticspoon Fri 22-Feb-13 19:28:06

I was taking dd, age 2, in a pushchair home from nursery today in the bus. Got on the bus, and this particular bus had a rather small pushchair/wheelchair area, with a woman standing so that I couldn't get the pushchair in. I said 'Excuse me please' and she didn't move, then said it a second time louder in case she didn't hear me - she looked at me and still didn't move. At this point a man who was sitting down with bags on the seats next to the pushchair area got up to make space to just about push dd in the space. (I apologised to him for having to move, and just to be clear - there were lots of seats available on the bus which the woman could have sat on).

A couple of stops later a second pushchair gets on, and the woman moves, but hits my dd in the head with her bag. It looked rather purposeful to me. DD said 'Ow' but didn't cry. I turned round to her 'You hit the baby in the head', she ignored me, no apology, I then said it a second time and then called dh for support as it made me quite upset that someone would treat dd in this way. I don't know what else I could have done, and wonder how someone could behave this way towards my dd. Please tell me I'm not BU, or what could I have done better?

AnaisB Fri 22-Feb-13 20:19:02

If she said it normally, which i assume to be the case, she is being reasonable.

Could she have been deaf?

<flings aside Cloak Of Invisibility>

usualsuspect Fri 22-Feb-13 20:22:03

Who said that?

redplasticspoon Fri 22-Feb-13 20:22:49

Smellysocks, you are now trying to imply things which is completely untrue, I said 'excuse me please' in a completely normal tone, and was even very measured after she had hit dd. Clearly you are angling for a disagreement.

What I am really wondering about is: should I have done more than tell the woman that she had hit dd?

Also, red, what time of day was it? If it was rush hour, I'd very gently suggest, don't travel at that time. It's bloody cutthroat - I've been shoved out of the way more times than I can remember, and it makes you aggressive in response (although I am super-careful to be polite and accommodating of pregnant/child-herding people!) and the whole thing cycles out of control. It's horrible, and you ought to be able to expect better, but sadly you can't.
Hope your DD was okay, and that you are.

fertilityagogo Fri 22-Feb-13 20:24:22

ok, difference of opinion then. my feeling is that the space marked for 'prams' is indeed for prams and that actual seats are for people without prams.

OP - in my books YANBU at all, and I've had this happen to me several times. Along with being annoying it can be pretty dispiriting at the end of a long and tiring day.

TooMuchRain Fri 22-Feb-13 20:25:09

What more would you want to do? Sounds as though she was inconsiderate in not moving but didn't hit your child deliberately

COULD SHE POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN DEAF AT ALL DO YOU THINK?

redplasticspoon Fri 22-Feb-13 20:25:58

Beertricks I couldn't tell just by looking at her. If she was then it still doesn't explain hitting dd.

smellysocksandchickenpox Fri 22-Feb-13 20:27:43

you said you repeated it louder - by raising your voice it would sound pretty demanding particularly if she hadn't actually heard it the first time.

I personally can't be bothered hanging around the front if there's not a clear space and just get on with folding and sitting

re the head, the main thing is that your LO heard YOU say something to the efffect of meaning that it wasn't acceptable - i.e. standing up for her, the woman's reaction doesn't matter, what matters is that your LO will know that you defend her IYKWIM

redplasticspoon Fri 22-Feb-13 20:29:32

Beertricks - crossed posts earlier!

Humpty it was just after 6, so around rush hour yes. Unfortunately I have no choice about when I can pick dd up though. I tried cycling the route instead (too far to walk) but unfortunately I am too unwell to cycle atm and it is pretty cold for dd.

No, you wouldn't be able to tell just by looking at her. That was my point, really.

wigglesrock Fri 22-Feb-13 20:35:07

Maybe she couldn't sit down as in its easier for her healthwise to stand then get off at her stop rather than sit down and get up again. I doubt she hit your child deliberately - it was rude but I don't think she set out to hurt your daughter.

ISeeSmallPeople Fri 22-Feb-13 20:38:06

She wasn't as unreasonable as the people who stole stuff fromy changing bag in London buses in that space.

Seriously, why did you want to steamy wipes and nappies you sad sad people?

smellysocksandchickenpox Fri 22-Feb-13 20:39:55

for future reference, I always get my shopping or bag whatever together off the buggy at the bus stop (fare already in easy reach pocket), then when the bus pulls up you can see if there's anyone in the space, if there's not pop it back underneath, if there is then the bags are ready to dump in the luggage shelf as you board the bus, then you just get child out and fold, I don't need to bother asking for a space to be vacated for us

It's easier I think if you take busses all the time, I can see how it would be a stuggle for someone who was a less frequent user as they might not be anticipating the buggy area being busy

plus a lot of bus drivers round here let dogs on the bus, which I don't personally like, so often choose not to use the space even if there is one, between them and the shollies etc the front is often more hassle than it's worth! folding and going down the back is much less hassle!

redplasticspoon Fri 22-Feb-13 20:41:42

Wiggles if that's the case then she could have just moved to allow the pushchair in, or is it unreasonable to expect that? Hitting dd looked rather deliberate, and if it wasn't then surely she would have apologised, especially after dd had said ow and I had told her that she had hit her?

Iseesmallpeople - that is truly terrible (and weird!)

smellysocksandchickenpox Fri 22-Feb-13 20:43:47

Iseesmallpeople I hope you use reusable nappies and it was the end of the day - I'd like to think of them opening their swag to find that wink

JeeanieYuss Fri 22-Feb-13 20:45:18

Willesden, why should the OP of had to folded her pushchair down to make room for the 2nd pushchair getting on?

hmc Fri 22-Feb-13 20:48:49

BeerTricks - She might have been deaf, but what's that got to do with the price of fish? I imagine that she was still cogniscent of the fact that she was in the buggy space even if she was hearing impaired

hmc Fri 22-Feb-13 20:49:45

cognisant

Mimishimi Fri 22-Feb-13 20:51:51

Was the child, the one in the second push chair, that she did move for non-white? It sounds very deliberate to me, even if she didn't speak the language, she would have guessed from the tone.

redplasticspoon Fri 22-Feb-13 20:53:33

Mimi, the second child was Asian (I think), not sure how that is relevant.

Mimishimi Fri 22-Feb-13 20:57:09

It might be relevant if she has a problem and wanted to get a little power trip from it.

redplasticspoon Fri 22-Feb-13 20:59:07

Are you saying her actions might have been racist Mimi ? I don't know if that is reading a little too much into the situation.

frillyflower Fri 22-Feb-13 21:04:33

In central london most people with buggies just get on, say nothing to the people standing in the pushchair space, just kind of push straight into the space.

It's terribly rude I think.

Often they are talking on a mobile which I think I even more rude. It costs nothing to smile or mouth thank you when someone moves away to give you the room.

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