To sound panicked when my child is rushed into hospital(133 Posts)
Okay, your views please ladies. My children had both gone off to a half term activity this morning and whilst there my eldest got his finger trapped in the hinge of a door. The course leader had tried to get hold of me but the message had gone straight through to voice mail because the signal is pretty crap where we live. Anyway, he then tried to call a few of the other parents who knew us so someone could come and pick him up. Anyway, one of the parents finally managed to get through to my husband at work, who then called me. This time my phone actually rang and he told me that DS had been taken to hospital by a friend of ours. Cue me going 'oh, fucking hell' and scrabbling to get my shoes on to go and get to the hospital. His response was to shout 'listen to me, listen to me, stop over-reacting. I can go. Don't tell me I can't handle this'. (which I never once said at all). I told him it was nothing to do with him, it was about me wanting to be with my child when he has been taken into hospital. He continued to argue the toss as to why I was over-reacting, whilst I continued picking stuff up and getting into my car. Sorry, but does anyone think I was overreacting to say what I said and rush to see my child who had been taken into hospital. I really can't see how I was over-reacting. He, however, made the whole experience so much more stressful than it needed to me by being an utter arse. He has really pissed me off over this.
Have to say my DH is super competent with DD though
You shouldn't feel bad and I expect that you have coped a great deal better than you think you have.
None of us tend to give ourselves the credit we deserve. Which is why, if I am honest, the tone of the OP wound me up a bit.
It seemed a bit self congratulatory that she was so panicky she must surely be the better parent.
If you feel you have not coped as well as you should have, to me that means you have very high standards and you may not have been able to reach them.
Not that you are a selfish parent who is only thinking about themselves.
FanjoForTheMammaries Sat 23-Feb-13 13:18:44
"Well..you know him well...but I wouldn't assume he cared less just because he couldn't be a stoic person "
I knew he didn't care less but he made my life more difficult at times when I needed support.
I do think people learn to cope to an extend. Thankfully we have never had anything to the extent mrs Devere has but DS was first in hopsital at 8 weeks old and when your asked "has he been christened" you soon realise how bad things are. He is 3 now and has had over 30 a and e trips a lot ending up on the ward. When it's part of life you have to cope, if I panic DS will and that makes things worse for everyone. Inside you can be a mess but you have to hide that side from children.
I think the post which suggested that panicing shows you love your child was, unintentionally, quite disrespectful because part of being a parent is protecting your child from your concerns.
The bit that makes me thin that the OP is being a bit unreasonable with regards to her husband, is when in a later post she says that he broke a childs leg "by landing on it", that sounds like an accident to me, a father wouldn't break a childs leg on purpose (and if he would the children shouldn't be living with him).
It is like me saying that DH threw DD1 down the stairs and broke her leg in three places, what actually happened was he was carrying her down stairs when they both fell, he broke his ribs and she broke her leg in 3 places. It was an accident. The fact it happened to him and not me was just pure chance and doesn't make me a better parent than him.
sorry, didn't realise thread had moved on
I agree that there is no point in beating ourselves up over times when we haven't reacted perfectly
I just felt that if somebody always has the same reactions (like my dad) and it always makes life more difficult for people in trouble, then I for one wouldn't like to feel they are taking this as a positive sign of their great love rather than as something to be conquered
it is not positive for the somewhat older child who is reluctant to tell the adult of a problem because they have countless memories of earlier freakings out
spent last summer at my dad's with a teen with mh problems who would not allow her grandfather to be told "because I can't bear his sad face"
she returned considerably more ill than she left
I remember those feelings from my childhood, not wanting to show an injury or tell about illness, because the reaction caused much more stress around us
In reality the Op's posts are all about an underlying issue with her Dh and not really about the injury to the child.
I can unfortunately speak from experience, that what Mrs DV is saying is true, parents of very sick children hold it together in public because to not to would upset the child they want to protect.
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