To sound panicked when my child is rushed into hospital

(133 Posts)
TeeBee Fri 22-Feb-13 16:28:58

Okay, your views please ladies. My children had both gone off to a half term activity this morning and whilst there my eldest got his finger trapped in the hinge of a door. The course leader had tried to get hold of me but the message had gone straight through to voice mail because the signal is pretty crap where we live. Anyway, he then tried to call a few of the other parents who knew us so someone could come and pick him up. Anyway, one of the parents finally managed to get through to my husband at work, who then called me. This time my phone actually rang and he told me that DS had been taken to hospital by a friend of ours. Cue me going 'oh, fucking hell' and scrabbling to get my shoes on to go and get to the hospital. His response was to shout 'listen to me, listen to me, stop over-reacting. I can go. Don't tell me I can't handle this'. (which I never once said at all). I told him it was nothing to do with him, it was about me wanting to be with my child when he has been taken into hospital. He continued to argue the toss as to why I was over-reacting, whilst I continued picking stuff up and getting into my car. Sorry, but does anyone think I was overreacting to say what I said and rush to see my child who had been taken into hospital. I really can't see how I was over-reacting. He, however, made the whole experience so much more stressful than it needed to me by being an utter arse. He has really pissed me off over this.

cory Fri 22-Feb-13 17:49:54

I think the "haven't had many medical emergencies" comment was probably based on the fact that for most of us "rushed into hospital" would indicate being blue lighted into hospital in an ambulance either unconscious or in immediate danger. But perhaps it was just the choice of phrase.

What I think most of us do worry more about in your post is that you talk a lot about the need for your feelings to be supported but don't mention your dh's feelings as if they could possibly be similar to yours. Is there any specific reason for this? To do with him or do you think fathers just don't care in the same way?

CailinDana Fri 22-Feb-13 17:50:38

My mother does the whole panicking and overreacting thing, it's incredibly annoying. I don't bother telling her things any more, she just makes it all about herself with her "Oh shit, oh fuck" etc. Stupid behaviour.

akaemmafrost Fri 22-Feb-13 17:52:10

Well ex never asks the right questions either. About school, doctors or anything and it's always followed with a breezy "oh just give them a ring yourself". Only ever get half the story so if your DH is anything like this I don't blame you.

Also I would have wanted to be there too and I think there are some quite unkind and unpleasant posts on your thread.

Sirzy Fri 22-Feb-13 17:52:19

He wasn't rushed. It was a minor injury and your DH was happy to sort it, you could have calmy got in the car and joined them but there certainly wasn't a need to panic and rush

cory Fri 22-Feb-13 17:52:33

and fwiw I probably did cause dd's serious head injury by letting her play on a climbing frame she couldn't handle

she might easily have died

but because I am her mum, nobody has ever suggested that I wouldn't therefore be capable of handling any future medical appointments etc

akaemmafrost Fri 22-Feb-13 17:53:51

Oh I hadn't even Read your last post before I posted.

He sounds like a bit of a wooly twerp actually and now I am even more of the opinion that you were justified in your reaction.

"men just dont get the mums instinct thing at all"

Can I just say, this is bollocks. Men can have just as strong a protective parental instinct as women.

MrsDeVere Fri 22-Feb-13 18:03:58

I said I prefer to be with my DCs if they go to hospital. I always go with them.
I wouldn't suggest my OH was not capable though.
If he isn't as practiced as me I only have myself to blame by always insisting I go with them.

I do it because I was always there wit DD and I feel guilty if I don't do the say for the boys.

It is much, much better to share the responsibly though. Take it from me.

TeeBee Fri 22-Feb-13 18:44:31

Thanks akaemmafrost, I think you know where I'm coming from. I can see that maybe I need to control my own reactions though. I tend to react emotionally rather than be able to override that with practicality.

TidyDancer Fri 22-Feb-13 19:05:07

I think YABU mainly based on the fact that it was a relatively minor injury. Your behaviour was OTT and I actually think you may need to apologise to your DH.

<pats OP on the back for a very reasonable response to the feedback on here>
I can sympathise to a degree as I am married to a buffoon grin but I have found that a little bit of trust goes a long way.

cory Fri 22-Feb-13 19:41:18

If you go by number of accidents in presence of, I suspect I am the buffoon. But I wouldn't thank dh for saying so.

LynetteScavo Fri 22-Feb-13 19:53:53

You did not over react.

There is very that would stop me being with my DC is they had been taken to hostpital, no matter how capable my DH.

"'oh, fucking hell' and scrabbling to get my shoes on to go and get to the hospital." Is exactly what I would have done, and a perfectly normal raction IMO.

I would also have ignored what DH said, and if he wanted to go to the hospital too, then fine. If not, then I would just secretly notch up another point as superior parent.

TeeBee Fri 22-Feb-13 19:55:15

Thanks Twogood, I thought so too! grin Not as frenzied as I'm made out to be wink

TeeBee Fri 22-Feb-13 20:03:17

Thanks Lynette, that was exactly my point, I wasn't unhappy for him to go, there is just no way I would have contemplated not going. And I'm glad I did, there was a mix up with pain relief, with the staff trying to give him morphine for a broken wrist he did not have! Got him mixed up with someone else. We only found out because I questioned what had been given to him so I could decide what pain relief to give him later.

OHforDUCKScake Fri 22-Feb-13 20:08:49

What?! People think the OP over reacted just because she said "Oh fucking hell"

For real? For those who said that, how would you have reacted?

"His fingers? Only 'might' be fractured? Well, if its only might then I have time for a cup of tea before I leave."

OP you did not overreact. Your response was a reaction not an over reaction. And you were worried, its instinctual, normal, your child has been hurt.

And if your DH has shown poor common sense in the past then no wonder you mighy doubt him. However, you didnt doubt he could do better, you simply wanted to be with your child. Obviously.

If it was me, Id have said 'see you there then' but no way would anyone stop me going to A and E if my child was hurt.

YADNBU.

MusicalEndorphins Fri 22-Feb-13 20:18:44

I don't think you over reacted really. But I think you could try and not hold a grudge towards your husband because of an accident in the past, and because he asked you a question. Nobody is perfect.

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 22-Feb-13 20:27:22

I can totally understand why you wanted to be at the hospital, I'm surprised if anyone thinks you're over reacting by wanting to be there. I can see from the history you describe he may feel like you don't trust him and he might be sensitive to that, which is why he was arsey.

When DD was 2, she got her finger trapped in a door hinge - it was literally hanging off, I could see the bone. She needed an operation under GA to repair the finger. Believe me I was quite happy to have DH at the hospital with me, I would've been quite pissed off if he hadn't come. I hope your DS's finger isn't that bad.

TeeBee Fri 22-Feb-13 20:50:52

Thanks to everyone though, even those giving me a slating, it's helped me see how my DH might have seen it, even though I still think he was wrong to start having a go when I was trying to get out the house. He is, on the whole, really bloody useless. He drove over my foot two weeks ago and then sat there arguing the toss about it, whilst still parked on my foot!!!!

I am a person who sorts stuff out. When there's an emergency, I'll be the one wading it in sorting it out. Some may see that as a control freak. I like to think effective grin.

TeeBee Fri 22-Feb-13 20:56:22

Yes Tasman, my husband has also slammed my son's finger in the car door. When I heard that he had has his fingers slammed in the hinge of a door, all that came flooding back.

Thank you to those that asked, my DS is okay. Bruised and lots of tissue damage, but no fracture. Annoyed that he won't be able to play football at the weekend.

AnyoneforTurps Fri 22-Feb-13 21:02:36

Totally understand where you're coming from OP, as a control freak wader-in myself wink. But the trouble is that it does reinforce helplessness in a DP/DH - it's not surprising they don't learn to cope by themselves if we never let them try.

I don't think YWBU to want to go to the hospital but maybe next time there is a minor emergency, you could let your DH take the lead ?

Lottikins Fri 22-Feb-13 21:09:45

rushed to hospital ? My arse
You are a drama queen

TeeBee Fri 22-Feb-13 21:19:25

Yes Lotikins. My friend rushed him to hospital. She left work immediately because the course leader had said he needs to be collected because he may have fractured it. So yes he was actually rushed to the hospital by my friend.

OHforDUCKScake Fri 22-Feb-13 21:26:32

Lotti is one of the aforementioned 'cup of tea before we leave' parents.

"Bleed into the bucket, not on my carpet, there's a love.""

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Fri 22-Feb-13 21:26:42

I think a lot of you have been very harsh. A reaction to such news isn't a choice. If you experience it often enough, I think you can teach yourself to take a breath and calm yourself a little at such times.
I have learnt recently that my natural reaction is to panic (and this surprised me as I look after injured children often at work, just not my own injured child) and actually when I got to DS in A&E recently, rightly so. DH had not asked the questions that I ask (and thought by now I had trained him to ask) and unfortunately the hospital got it absolutely wrong. This is having consequences for all of us, especially DS, and DH is very cross that he should even have had to ask questions to get the right treatment. Having two parents there gives you more back up to support each other and ask questions too. DH understands that he hasn't had as much experience of the NHS as I have and is always keen that I am there. I like him to be there for back up too, but work doesn't always allow this.
Hope your DS is okay. Be kind to each other. Even a relatively minor injury is stressful I find.

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