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Housekeeping and housework

(132 Posts)
grumpo Sat 09-Feb-13 15:23:58

To set the scene, I have a fulltime job, my DP does not work. My working hours are quite long and I normally don't get home before 7PM. I often have to work at home and at weekends.

I give DP £500 a month "housekeeping" (plus she gets the full child allowance). She does not pay any bills, I pay for the main weekly shop (which we do together) and I normally pay for any other items for the house. She will buy bread and other odd items during the week, the rest she spends on herself. Do people think £500 is reasonable, to much, too little?

Our house probably cannot be described as being tidy. It is cluttered and I've tried to clear a lot of my stuff up, to try and set a good example. However, she shows no interest in tidying. The vacuum cleaner rarely gets used (only after arguments and never upstairs unless I do it), the fridge rarely has its contents removed to be thoroughly cleaned (unless I do it, when I'm told she was just about to do it), the oven is never cleaned (unless I do it), cobwebs, grease all over the kitchen, etc. etc. Mentioning this and asking if she could do a bit more leads to an argument, which makes me feel bad and that I'm being unreasonable (which I may be?).

I'm thinking about getting a cleaner regularily but this is expensive and I'm not sure that's going to work with DP.

At the moment, I just try and accept it but it makes me depressed, especially when I see other homes. I don't want it to be pristine, a bit cluttered and chaotic but hygienic is fine.

AIBU?

Sulawesi Mon 11-Feb-13 21:52:13

She was one angry burd

LineRunner Mon 11-Feb-13 21:52:38

Or has it been averted?

Anyway I have been folding clothes nicely and sorting out some hems.

Sulawesi Mon 11-Feb-13 22:05:32

I was distracted trying to stop the dogs from howling the neighbourhood down so not sure what happened in the end!

Kiwiinkits Mon 11-Feb-13 22:21:45

I have friends like this couple. She's an 'artist', can't/won't sell anything, one kid at school. House is a TIP. Completely baffled what she does all day.
We've always felt a bit sorry for her (lovely, hardworking) DH. These are, of course, private judgmental thoughts.

OP, YADNBU. I think the conclusion is that some people are just messy fuckers, and can't be helped. You can bang your head against a brick wall as much as you like, but she's probably not going to miraculously become the tidy little homemaker you desire. Your best bet is probably helping her to figure out how to get a job out of the house. Help her find something that makes her motivated, energized and earns a bit of money. Then get a cleaner.

GiveMeSomeSpace Mon 11-Feb-13 22:27:01

What a fantastic thread to demonstrate the utter bigotry posted on some of these threads.

Seriously OP - you know this is wrong. She is taking the piss out of you and clearly thinks of you as a doormat.

If you want to live like this for the rest of your life, then that's your choice. But if it's not what you want, then do something about it. It's your choice.

DontEvenThinkAboutIt Tue 12-Feb-13 00:45:09

Your wife sounds lazy and selfish. I would get a cleaner for a good few hours a week. It won't make your wife any less lazy but you will love having a clean and tidy house.

Was your wife always LikeThis. Some people really don't mind cluttered and dirty houses. Is she lazy with other things?

£500 a month sounds like plenty to me. My DH and I share an account - I would find it a bit odd to get a allowance.

AlphaAndEcho Tue 12-Feb-13 10:36:46

Op I do think your arrangement is unfair . However I do think you are seeing the arrangement as your dw being an employee - you pay her to keep the house . Just because you earn and she doesn't does not make her your employee . If your not happy with the way she keeps the house and you can afford it - get a cleaner .

Can i ask (long thread sorry if this has been said) how exactly does she fill her days ?

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