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to be fed up of the destruction in the kitchen every time DP cooks?

(49 Posts)

I cook dinner, I clean up as I go. When dinner is finished I do all dishes and leave the kitchen tidy.

When DP cooks dinner every dish, utensil and pot is used. All the packets are just left thrown all over the benches. He puts the dirty plates in the sink with food still on them and that is the one and only reason that I refuse to do the cleaning after he has cooked.

To be fair, when he cleans he does it well, but it takes him days to get round to it (I know this because I left it to see) and he was doing all the cooking while I was pregnant. But you think by now he would have learned to tidy as he goes.

Hes not here today, so I am left with a bombsite of a kitchen and a baby who wont settle. So I cant even make a quick bite because to do that will involve a deep clean of the bloody kitchen. angry

YANBU. I wish DP would stop doing this. He can cook reasonably well and it would be lovely if he could cook once a week, but the amount of mess he makes fills me with rage. He would tidy eventually, but not until at least mid morning the next day and I can't cope with it. So I cook everything instead, easier that way.

seeker Thu 07-Feb-13 12:46:41

As I always say on threads like this- it's easily solved. Only form adult relationships with grown ups.

Very helpful seeker. Thanks for that.

seeker Thu 07-Feb-13 12:54:13

Any time.grin

Alternatively, say "please could you clear up tonight, it upsets me to come down to a messy kitchen in the morning, and it gets my day off to a really bad start. Thank you"

I do. But then I get an eye roll.

He means well. He just doesnt see the destruction the way I do. It just doesnt bother him.

Andro Thu 07-Feb-13 13:03:23

We have a 'whoever cooks doesn't clean' rule in our house...it works well because revenge would be easy if the system was abused and we both know it. Being adults it hasn't been an issue for a long time, not since the first month we lived together and were still getting used to shared duties (that month was the hardest of our relationship!)

squishee Thu 07-Feb-13 13:18:22

Hi wannabedomesticgoddess.

Argh, my ex DP used to do this (this is not why he is my ex!).

Why cook everything with a minimum of pots and pans and utensils when you can dirty them ALL? Especially as you won't be washing up, because you cooked?

When you cook, you clean. He should do the same IMO. Or you set up another cook-clean rule that suits you. He needs to know it's a problem in any case.

I think some people (men?) like to make the biggest deal possible about cooking.
Just wanted to commiserate more than anything, and let you know you're not alone!

Hes back for an hour and has cleaned it. He will prob make me lunch too.

Hes not all bad grin

Its just the level of mess for something so simple.

thesnowmanrocks Thu 07-Feb-13 13:23:35

My dh does this too bless him. Although he will clean everything afterwards, but he takes forever. Say he cooked for 13:00 he would still be clearing up at 16:00! This is why he doesnt cook often!

Autumn12 Thu 07-Feb-13 13:24:32

My husband is the same. The other week he made a dinner of Chicken breasts, packet rice and salad leaves. You should have seen the state of the kitchen! He had used so many pots and utensils that you'd have thought he's cooked a roast for 30 people.

sherazade Thu 07-Feb-13 13:26:57

I thought it was just my dh who uses eveyr utensil going and leaves spices and peelings everywhere and makes more mess trying to swipe everything off onto a cloth because then everything lands on the floor. even if he washes up there will be water everywhere! the effort in cleaning up after him amounts to the effort I would need to cook so I'd rather he didn't cook at all sometimes.

maninawomansworld Thu 07-Feb-13 23:53:43

Clearing up after yourself is part and parcel of cooking. If DP cooks for me she does the same. TBH it's less work just to cook myself rather than clear up the devastation left behind when she's done it!

wineandroses Fri 08-Feb-13 00:09:31

DH does this too, bit of a standing joke that he must use every pot. He does try to clean it up though, but leaves things like cleaning down the surfaces, which I moan about. Then I feel guilty as he is a great cook and a lovely kind guy. He never moans about me - but then I clean as I go.

AngelAtTheTopOfTheTree Fri 08-Feb-13 02:39:11

If I cook, he does the dishes. If he cooks, I do the dishes. I thought that was the normal/polite way? confused

Oh Angel. If there is one thing I have learnt from Mumsnet, it's that there is no such thing as 'normal'.

I do 99% of the cooking and clear as I go. When DH cooks he clears afterwards. All of us happy here.

AngelAtTheTopOfTheTree Fri 08-Feb-13 03:10:42

Sometimes we do them together! Oh dear, now I don't know what we are! wink

It's certainly not just men. I think it is also South Africans.

When DW cooks she also leaves things in a heap.

She also uses lots of pots and will then leave them days (I know this because instead of doing them myself I asked her to do them, and then I left them).

She will do all manner of little things that make unnecessary mess, such as cutting bread without using a breadboard, and then drop crumbs everywhere while eating the sandwich.

She criticises me when I spend time at the weekend cleaning up. She says I should be spending time with the family instead.

I've just come in from work - to find breakfast and various other bits of detritus - clearly breakfast - so they've been there all day. It is the third time this has happened this week <heaves sigh, picks up broom>.

Her family are pretty similar.

I think it is a cultural thing. In South Africa one can hire a domestic help for the equivalent of five pounds a day. What's the point of being assiduous about housework in those circumstances?

It drives me round the twist, but I've reluctantly come to accept that the only solution is to move to South Africa and hire a maid.

Just to add that just about every night I cook AND wash the dishes.

AngelAtTheTopOfTheTree Fri 08-Feb-13 04:14:24

Toad I used to work with SAs. Definitely a cultural thing with the maid so I feel your pain. I used to put their dirty dishes on their beds (worked on yachts) to get the point across. Thankfully it worked. But I don't think that would work for you!

AngelAtTheTopOfTheTree Fri 08-Feb-13 04:16:59

Just read your second post. Now that is BS. If she doesn't go out to work, she needs to start pulling her weight. You sound lovely though!

Never knew that about South Africans. Interesting.

And ofcourse its women too. I just dont get it. Im quite methodical so the chaos is alien to me!

JoanByers Fri 08-Feb-13 12:16:28

Leave the bastards

She just hates doing housework and particularly hates doing dishes. She's not a lazy person - she genuinely hates it. Fine - I do them, figuring that in every relationship one person pulls more weight overall, and in this relationship it happens to be me.

It does interest me though that she doesn't see doing such things as a necessary evil of living.

For what it's worth, there are advantages to her South-Africanness. She can turn herself into a human wrecking ball when confronted by an obstacle - human or otherwise.

VitoCorleone Fri 08-Feb-13 17:55:09

This really annoys me too about my DP, the mess he makes when cooking is UNBELIEVABLE. I often dont want to set foot in the kitchen if he's been cooking, its beyond a joke!

And if i mention it i usually get "i didnt have time to clean, i was busy cooking tea"

Funny that because when im cooking i still manage to clean as i go and keep the kitchen tidy

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