to be incredibly annoyed and hurt by FIL?

(48 Posts)
toweraboveyou Sun 03-Feb-13 19:20:52

Last night was my SIL's engagement party. My FIL got very drunk as usual. As I was with my DW and 2 young DCs, I left with DW's grandfather as I couldn't fit in the same as car as DW and 2 car seats.
As we were ready to leave, FIL announces that he and MlL will travel in our car too. DW's grandad and myself waited 15 mins for my inlaws to come out of the pub. When they did, my FIL insisted I get out of my seat so he could sit in the front. I said that as I was already buckled into my seat, it was probably easier if he sat in the back. He refused and slammed the door. He then opened the door again and tried to undo my seatbelt and pull me out of the car. I refused to budge and asked him if he realised how childish he was being. My DW asked him what was wrong and said he said that her tosser husband wouldnt move. Bear in mind, he has no physical reason to sit in the front. In fact, I'm considerably taller than him.
He then said that he hasnt liked me for the last 6 months and that this was the breaking point, threatening that beating me up was the next step. He then refused again to sit in the back saying 'I do not sit in the back of cars'. He stopped my MIL getting a lift home with us and walked home instead.
In the last few years, he has ruined several important events whilst drunk, including his other daughter's wedding. He was also punched by a taxi driver after starting a row at our wedding.
Today, he has slinked away again with his tail between his legs without any sort of apology. My DW spoke with MIL and she said, 'You know hat he's like when he's drunk'.
Am I wrong to be sick of his behaviour? He is a bully and a coward and he never suffers any consequences for his actions.

DontEvenThinkAboutIt Sun 03-Feb-13 19:24:52

Wow, he sounds awful. I would be avoiding him for ever more.

BambieO Sun 03-Feb-13 19:25:19

Oh my goodness what a vile man! Good for you standing your ground

ChasedByBees Sun 03-Feb-13 19:27:23

Wow, he's terrible! What does your DW think? I don't think I'd be happy to see him again.

badtemperedaldbitch Sun 03-Feb-13 19:29:20

he sounds like a total nightmare and not a good role model for your children to see at all.

the next time you are invited to a do where he will be drinking.... politely decline on behalf of you and the children stating.... 'You know hat he's like when he's drunk'

after a while they should get the message.

good for you for (passively) standing up to him. what a cracking good role model you are. Thats exactly what my Dh would do.... and thats why i love him!

Chottie Sun 03-Feb-13 19:29:26

This is awful - have your DC ever witnessed any of his drunken episodes?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 03-Feb-13 19:30:13

He sounds like he's got a drink problem. I wonder what he's like to live with? Your poor MIL.

StuntGirl Sun 03-Feb-13 19:30:33

Do you have to see him? I would happily cut someone out of my life who threatened to beat me up.

In that situation it might have been worth letting him get his own way for your mother in law's sake (although in an ideal you'd have all told him to jog on and let him walk alone!) but I'd use it as the turning point in cutting the relationship.

I can understand your mother in law defending him, but what did your wife say about it?

MortifiedAdams Sun 03-Feb-13 19:30:42

Id be telling him that as he is so offensove when he is drunk, has he considered going tee-total.

And I wouldnt socialise wirh him til I had an apology.

I hate hate hate "you know what he is like when he is drunk" as an excuse - these people choose to put alcohol into their bodies.

quoteunquote Sun 03-Feb-13 19:34:48

Stay away, withdraw contact until he has addressed his issues, gone to AA, and given up alcohol, and had some help with his anger problems.

If you keep tolerating his behaviour the abuse will continue,

Set a good example for your children, show them by example that if anyone is abusive, you do not have anything to do with them whatsoever, that way your children will not end up in abusive relationships,

and don't allow irrational people into vehicles with you, it's dangerous.

If you go along acceptably with his behaviour, you are normalising it, cut him until he cuts the abuse.

BlissfullyIgnorant Sun 03-Feb-13 19:35:05

Oh dear...

Have a massive bash with formal invitations - send one to MIL only with an attached letter saying she is very warmly welcome but FIL isn't simply because of his disappointing behaviour at all other social family occasions, that you will understand if she feels she can't come alone but offer to make sure she will arrive safely home after the event unless she'd prefer to have a room somewhere (your place/hotel).
Then stand back and watch the fireworks. wink
Or get DW to tell him he's a nob and why. hmm

ruledbyheart Sun 03-Feb-13 19:35:49

Playing devils advocate maybe he has issues with sitting in the backseat?
I cant sit in the back of a car after an accident when I was a child and couldn't get out the car.
Obviously very rude and YANBU to be upset and hurt by his behaviour.

ENormaSnob Sun 03-Feb-13 19:41:49

I wouldn't be seeing him and neither would my dc.

Abusive, agressive prick.

Ah, is that you DH?

Actually, I know it isn't because we only see my father every 3 months or go. Because he is this ^ kind of cock.

CartedOff Sun 03-Feb-13 19:48:49

In your position I would not want to be around him at all after he threatened me with physical violence. And I would expect my partner to put up a united front on this matter and take steps to ensure that our children were not exposed to his loutish, drunken behaviour.

toweraboveyou Sun 03-Feb-13 19:52:46

A little more insight. At the wedding he ruined, he was paying for the reception meal. His BIL, DW's uncle passed out from drink. The restaurant called an ambulance. FIL, also drunk told them not to call an ambulance. He then refused tompay the bill because they had and SIL's new husband had to apologise and pay the bill himself. FIL refused to see why he was in the wrong, got annoyed that people blamed him and returned to where he works up north. SIL's husband is a lovely man and a good friend but refused to visit FIL for many months after the wedding. To prove how nice he is, he is
Indian but tolerated FIL's blatant racism since they met.
The problem we have is that he owns the house in which we live and that we are not in a financial position to be able to move out.

QOD Sun 03-Feb-13 19:52:59

What a dick

Nasty man. Do you pay him rent? Couldn't you rent somewhere else?

toweraboveyou Sun 03-Feb-13 20:34:28

We couldnt get another 3 bedroom house for what we pay.

AdoraBell Sun 03-Feb-13 20:53:02

YANBU

How much do you need 3 bedrooms? And how much do you need to continue putting up with his behaviour? Obviously I don't know your circumstances, but I'd be actively looking for alternative accommodation, with less rooms if need be. Until he sees his attitude and behaviour as a problem he has no reason to change.

Erimentha Sun 03-Feb-13 20:58:58

What a dick. I would be avoiding him in future until he can sort himself out and not behave like a prize knob. You really don't need the stress of someone like this in your life and you don't want your DC growing up thinking it is an acceptable way to behave. Good on you or standing your ground!

NatashaBee Sun 03-Feb-13 21:01:40

You need to get yourself in a position to move out ASAP. This relationship isn't going to get any better.

SilverClementine Sun 03-Feb-13 21:02:05

I think it would be much better to move out and downsize than to have that bell end in your life. Whilst you're in that house he's got some sort of pull over you. Cut the ties, he sounds vile.

MerlotAndMe Sun 03-Feb-13 21:05:29

Wow. he is a bully and a narcissist. most normal people will back down if the sense other people dont understand the depth of their anger but other perspectives cant penetrate a narcissists forcefield of self righteousness/importance.

MerlotAndMe Sun 03-Feb-13 21:06:42

Agree with pps. move out. dont give him power over u. p

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