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To think it's not 'travelling' or 'finding yourself' if you're spending your days having cocktails in 5* hotels?,

(54 Posts)
Umlauf Wed 30-Jan-13 11:00:50

Best friend (very privileged girl but rather naive) got fed up of her well paid but dull job and decided to jack it in and go travelling for 6 months to find herself and learn about the wider world. I encouraged her because i think it's a fantastic thing to do, especially as she is very naive about society and money in general, and doesn't understand why everyone's parents can't just buy them a house/Bugatti/horse/spa membership.

Now she is on Facebook daily checking in at luxury hotels in Asia, describing the beautiful long days relaxing by the pool with all-inclusive cocktails! Just had a long phone call where she has told me she really understands the Thai culture now... She has been in Bangkok 3 days and not left the hotel because it's just too comfortable! Sounds incredible but... AIBU to get a bit annoyed with how she keeps referring to it 'going travelling to find herself?!'

YANBU, I don't think. How can you understand the culture unless you're immersing yourself in it? Hotels are like little isolated bits of home. YWBU to say that to her though...

I dont know. Some people define 'travelling' and 'holidays' as different things, but some people won't. It doesn't sound like your friend will achieve her goals this way, though, if that's what she was really after.

TWinklyLittleStar Wed 30-Jan-13 11:06:29

I would love to find my self by a pool in a 5* hotel in Thailand.

<not failing to grasp the point, no>

Nancy66 Wed 30-Jan-13 11:08:15

if I had the money I'd do luxury over roughing it any day.

givemeaclue Wed 30-Jan-13 11:09:39

She has found herself, she is a rich kid who likes cocktails and luxury. Perhaps that is all there is to find!

Well she is most definitely going 'travelling'. It's still travel whether you stay in 5* luxury hotels or backpackers hostels. Sure, she isn't 'experiencing real Thai culture' (or whatever that's supposed to mean), but she's definitely travelling. Although, anyone who goes on about 'finding themselves' is an idiot.

onetiredmummy Wed 30-Jan-13 11:11:38

Hahahaa a bit of green eyed monster there OP?

Well to me, finding yourself means deciding your priorities in life, possibly thinking over religious or political beliefs & having time that you wouldn't have in your normal routine to take your life in your hands & decide on its direction.

You don't have to be filthy, sweaty & living in cockroach infested hostels to do that (however much you think she should).

However I do agree from your post that its basically a holiday & she is likely to come back without much having changed smile

Fakebook Wed 30-Jan-13 11:12:00

She is finding herself. She's doing it by spending time by herself drinking cocktails and thinking.

Going and finding a Buddhist temple and doing yoga and meditation isn't everyone's cup of tea and is such a cliched way to "find yourself".

Sounds like she's having fun.

I'd probably be a bit annoyed as well.....and WILDLY jealous grin

Omnishambolic Wed 30-Jan-13 11:13:52

I don't think it's the law that you can only "find yourself" by doing everything as cheaply as possible. Neither is it impossible to learn about Thai culture from the luxury end of things (though I agree that after three days, claiming to be an expert in anything is a bit rich). She's obviously having a lovely time, she's happy, and she's doing it on her own budget. And the time off work will give her time to think, so maybe she'll get to what she wanted in her own time.

Anyway, it's not as though there's a guarantee she'll "find herself" after six months, whatever she's doing. She may just realise she's running away for six months, and then she's still got to make big decisions based in reality afterwards because nothing else in her life has really changed.

MyLastDuchess Wed 30-Jan-13 11:14:13

What givemeaclue said. You can only find yourself if you look in the right place!

[Hmm] at understanding a culture after 3 days though. I've been in NL 12 years now, speak the language and have a Dutch partner. The culture still surprises me all the time, it takes a lifetime to understand it.

munchkinmaster Wed 30-Jan-13 11:14:18

People who stay in huts on beaches for 5 mins and say they have understood the culture and found self are also idiots too. I think her way sound ace. There is no moral high ground in bed bugs and a shared loo.

Umlauf Wed 30-Jan-13 11:14:58

Ah clue that made me giggle guitily! She is lovely but clueless about the real world (think made in Chelsea) and the frustrating thing is she is telling everyone it was my idea and how she really understands how people live and its all thanks to me (in public Facebook statuses!)

Her parents are a bit cross with me as they think I'm a terrible influence who has forced their daughter to give up her respectable job and out of the country!

I'd love to find myself in luxury for 6 months too but sadly my tiny 1 bed rental will have to do! envy

I kind of see travelling as involving a backpack and a hostel though, not your LV monograms and the ShangriLa?! I'm coming across as a jealous cow, aren't I!

seeker Wed 30-Jan-13 11:18:27

I remember telling dp that somebody we knew was going to "find himself"

"What's he looking for?" He asked "A big field with a bastard in the middle of it?"

Yes, you are. Travelling only means that she's going from one place to another. It implies nothing about backpacks or such like.

Tbh, people reading the FB statuses probably just think she's a rich fool and nothing else.

kimorama Wed 30-Jan-13 11:38:15

I spent years trying to find myself. Looked in a mirror and there I was.

sue52 Wed 30-Jan-13 13:04:21

She's found out that she's a priviledged person who enjoys life's luxuries. Self awareness means different things to different people.

TaggieCampbellBlack Wed 30-Jan-13 13:07:07

I could happily find myself if given enough cocktails in a 5* hotel.

pansyflimflam Wed 30-Jan-13 13:08:05

My DH has a friend that posted pics of herself in India with the title 'This is me helping poor people'.........hmm She is a nice person but a bit of a tool. OP you do sound a bit jealous to be honest.

NoTeaForMe Wed 30-Jan-13 13:10:35

I'm jealous. I want to find myself there too. I don't care if people judge me and think I'm not doing it properly, I'd stick two fingers up at them and shout 'I'm having fun!'

However, as I have a toddler and am pregnant, theres really no option to jet off anywhere as an adult for a while! Boo!

MardyArsedMidlander Wed 30-Jan-13 13:10:57

She probably IS helping poor people more by staying in hotels staffed by local people- rather than some cringe worthy Trustafarians haggling over 10p with some poor rickshaw driver.

HollyBerryBush Wed 30-Jan-13 13:12:31

I never quite 'get' people who go to 'find themselves' - a pointless exercise in self indulgence as you have to take yourself with you. It's not as if you are going to discover anything spectacularly interesting.

pansyflimflam Wed 30-Jan-13 13:12:32

And the friend did 'find herself' in the sense that when she came back from 'travelling' (read: very long holiday) she met an equally nice but dim chap and they had a picture perfect wedding with a John Lewis gift list. She has a set of letters spelling HOME in her kitchen and bunting and makes cupcakes too.... She had a lovely time but nor sure it made a blind bit of difference to her life iykwim because she is pretty sheltered, although she does start a lot of her sentences with 'when I was travelling.....'

And if I ha the choice between youth hostel and posh hotel i would chose the latter, it just makes sense.

Grumpla Wed 30-Jan-13 13:12:53

Haha seeker I may have to nick your DH's line!

blackice Wed 30-Jan-13 13:13:59

I don't think you're going to get much idea of a country's culture by either staying in a 5* hotel drinking cocktails OR by staying in a hostel for a few weeks.

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