WWYD - Speak to the parents or continue to try to resolve it through the school

(43 Posts)
Jeeps Tue 29-Jan-13 17:28:12

Hi - I'm just after some advice here really. One of my children is having trouble with two other boys in his class. They are physically attacking him every play time. It is worse at lunch time when the dinner ladies are on duty as they do nothing at all. I've spoken to his teacher so many times about it but the problem continues. He is in KS2.
So - do I speak directly to the mums of the other boys (who I know well enough to speak to but not well enough to go for a drink with IYSWIM) or do I take it further up the chain of command at the school?
Would really appreciate advice from teachers or other parents who have been on either side of the problem.
Thank you!

SarkyPants Tue 29-Jan-13 17:30:12

Further up chain of command.
Definitely.

HecateWhoopass Tue 29-Jan-13 17:31:24

I would take it to the head.
Mention the school's duty of care.
That normally lights a fire under them!

SirBoobAlot Tue 29-Jan-13 17:31:28

Is he in the same class as these boys?

And what do you mean by physically attacking?

Seabird72 Tue 29-Jan-13 17:31:51

Take it to the head beacsue it's continuing and if no joy then write to the council and copy in the head - they HAVE to take bullying seriously and knock it on the head asap. Don't confront the mothers - they will never believe you and it makes for a very awkward situation. I once tried to have a rational conversation with a father who was extremely abusive in return - not just to me but to the school as well!

Jeeps Tue 29-Jan-13 17:33:57

Thanks. By physically attacking I mean kicking him, pushing him over, slamming his head into a wall.......... etc and yes, they are in the same class.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 29-Jan-13 17:34:30

I would not talk to them directly. I would get hold of a copy of the anti bullying policy and take your concerns straight to the Headteacher.

Much as i know it seems like the simplest thing to do, it can go quite bad if the parents do not react in the way you hope. Besides, the school needs to deal with it because of any potential impact these boys are having on other children besides your own.

I speak as someone who has had DCs who have been bullied, and who have been accused of bullying, so i have no axe to grind.

DPotter Tue 29-Jan-13 17:34:34

Go straight to the Head, not the parents, and complain about the teacher and the dinner ladies as well as the bullying.

Tell the Head you expect an immediate response and improvement and no excuses. If it is not resolved to your and your DS's satisfaction within a couple of days - straight to the Governors. Good luck

Maryz Tue 29-Jan-13 17:35:41

Do not under any circumstances talk to the other parents.

If you do, you may well find that the whole thing is blamed on your son, especially if the parents of the other two boys are friends and can get their stories straight.

You have to go (repeatedly) to the school - teacher, then head, then BOM if necessary. You need dates, incidences, and to keep records.

DeepRedBetty Tue 29-Jan-13 17:35:42

Definitely school, not parents. Puts them in an impossible position.

Abra1d Tue 29-Jan-13 17:36:22

Speak to the head.

Unless it's something minor, it's always best NOT to approach the other parents. Eg, my daughter was, in Reception, regularly pestering a little boy she was friendly with to give her some of his Jammy Dodgers at break (this was pre Healthy Schools directives). Other mother told me, we had a laugh, I apologised, had a word with my daughter and made sure she had her own JDs.

lljkk Tue 29-Jan-13 17:36:38

what happens after he tells the dinner ladies that he's been attacked? Or are you upset that the lunchtime supervisors don't prevent attacks?

Regardless of whether you decide to approach the parents directly you need to make sure the school staff are doing everything in their power.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 29-Jan-13 17:36:46

Take the initiative. Ask for a meeting between yourself, the class teacher, and the learning mentor, if you have one. Write down what you want to say, with dates if you have them, show them you mean business.

SirBoobAlot Tue 29-Jan-13 17:37:39

Go to the head, and maybe request that one of the boys be moved to another class to reduce intimidation in the class room too.

Agree with DPotter, wait a few days then go to the governors.

wonderingsoul Tue 29-Jan-13 17:38:35

mmm I think it depends what's the other parent like?

I had a mother of ds 1 pm me about an incident that involved her two boys and mine. it wasnt bullying but stupied ction on my son case but one boy retailted in defence. I was glad she told me and we sorted it with no bad taste for each others children. in a bulling case I would still want to know. its possible the school havnt told the bullys parents.

if you do, I wouldnt go barging in and throwing acuastions shell just get defensive.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 29-Jan-13 17:38:35

Maryz is right. Parents rarely want to believe ill of their DCs

Jeeps Tue 29-Jan-13 17:39:26

I don't expect the dinner ladies to prevent attacks - the ratio of adults to children means this is impossible.
I do expect them to say something other than "Stop it, stop it." (and then continue chatting to the other dinner ladies) when he tells them!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 29-Jan-13 17:40:27

Wondering.

Our school talks to the other parents where an accusation of bullying has been made, then to the child accused.

Jeeps Tue 29-Jan-13 17:41:03

There also appears to be absolutely no communication between the dinner ladies and the class teachers. His class teacher never seems to know about anything that has gone on at lunch time.

lljkk Tue 29-Jan-13 17:41:17

How do you want them to punish the attackers, then? You need to be clear on what outcome you want.

I would be mildly surprised if your son isn't giving as good as he gets.

Jeeps Tue 29-Jan-13 17:41:50

Jamie I doubt they have spoken to the parents yet but I know they have spoken to the children involved.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 29-Jan-13 17:42:29

Jeeps.

That is another matter you need to raise with the head. Teachers rarely see bulliyng, because it happens elsewhere than the classroom.

wonderingsoul Tue 29-Jan-13 17:43:10

they deff byt if their slack to admit bullying they may not in this case.

I would deff still talk to the school to, what have they said they are doing?

manicbmc Tue 29-Jan-13 17:43:35

Put it in writing to the head. Then if it isn't dealt with, put it in writing to the governors. If they still fail to deal with it, go to the LEA, in writing again.

shewhowines Tue 29-Jan-13 17:43:40

Put it in writing to the head and ask for a response in writing. Keep a paper trail until it is sorted. If it's still not sorted to your satisfaction, show the paper trail to the governors and LEA (or threaten to from the start).

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