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Depends on how rude forthright I am feeling - my favourite it " if you can tell me how it's any of your business, I'd be happy to discuss it with you"

I always say 'ha ha ha, now what about.......'
And change the subject.

It works because they think you are a looney.......

"Not sure really....how are your piles?"

if you can tell me how it's any of your business, I'd be happy to discuss it with you

ohh thats good

What are they likely to ask you, OP?

stuff like when are you goign ot have another child, when are you going back to work, what are your plans etc?

I would just say, wait and see. There is no point in being rude.

"Oh, I haven't decided/thought about it yet" works for me!

I say "I don't answer personal questions!" But in a cheeky way....

Throws 'em right off!

when are you going to have another child? - Not sure, we are thinking of breeding alligators instead.

when are you going back to work? - you mean I haven't actually been working all this time? darn I could have had lie-ins.

what are your plans? - World domination followed by a new carpet for the living room.

I find that the answer "well you always want more don't you" works surprisingly well as an all-purpose neutral answer. Try it...
Nosey q about money - answer "Well you always want more don't you?"
Nosey q about kids/ prospective pregnancies "Well you always want more don't you?"
Nosey q about moving house - "well you always want more don't you?".

It's a slightly odd response which could make sense and makes the inquisitor pause in a "is it me?" kind of way.

"ah is this the charming English reserve?"

(but this works better as I'm foreign)

When I was asked when I'd be having a next child at a wedding when DS was 18 months, I smiled and said, "not sure, but I know so many people who haven't been able to have any children, I feel so blessed to have him, he's such a love isn't he? MIL was saying how much he looks like DH did at that age, what do you think?"

Now, I thought Id dealt with that well, however the general concensus after that in DH's family was that I couldn't have any more DCs, so possibly not the way to go...

For work type questions, do you have an answer to it? Do you have a plan for being SAHM or going back after a set amount of time? Is it that you feel you are being judged by the question? Like there's a right and wrong answer?

no i justdon't like being asked various questions, from people i'm not keen on

when are you going back to work? - you mean I haven't actually been working all this time? darn I could have had lie-ins. lol at this

I've been used to this as, when expecting twins, i was constantly asked by total strangers "is it IVF?'
When a dear friend asked the same question in a tentative and tearful way, I of course, gave an honest answer as I knew why she was asking. (Ie she had been trying for a while, it wasn't happening and she was desperate for help)
For the total strangers who I thought had the most unbelievable nerve - I mean, who the hell did they think they were asking such a question, and why did they think they deserved an answer?? I would just lie blatantly in answer, which i think is all they deserved and frankly as they were complete strangers who I would never see again, it did not matter a hoot to me that I was dishing out a load of total rubbish.

In a long winded way, I am trying to say, if you think they are out of order asking a particular question, they deserve a ridiculous answer....let your imagination run riot!!

My DSis says 'Who knows?' and laughs. She's very good at this kind of thing.

Just say "nosey aren't you?" with a big smile on your face. And if they carry on then tell them to mind their own beeswax, in the nicest possible way.

I just go for the cringe factor!

We always got asked when we were going to have children and after years of going 'we are having too much fun' etc I just turned round to people and told them I couldn't have children. The look on their faces always amused me especially as they tried to apologise and backtrack. I would like to hope that they would think again before asking the same question and maybe/probably upsetting someone.

I now have stock answers for questions I get about my DS who we adopted last year. It is great that people take an interest but it is his story to tell not mine and I have some vague answers so I am not rude as I can understand people wanting to know how the system works etc.

Personally, I like ahhaha- goodness, you are funny Haha.. subject change.

If its about money or property I will say oh dear, you can't ask an English person questions like that - we simply can't discuss that! Subject change. Not sure this will work with another English person.

Both imply the asker is a bit daft and provincial. I find this approach works well. Overall, confidence is the key.