Mumsnet Talk

family do coming up, will see realatives i havent seen in years.

i expect i will be asked all sorts of nisey questions i do not want to anwser, for various reasons

so what are good responses to questions you dont want ot answer?

i use

we'll see......

not sure......

not at the moment.......

i have various reasons.......

what do you say?

Depends on the question and how personal it is...

If it was friends or mums at school I would say "why do you want to know?" but if it is elderly rellies asking awkward questions but essentially nice people I would say any of your stock phrases quickly followed by changing the subject.

oh yeah why do you want to know is a good one

A direct stare and "why would you need to know that?"

I personally always opt for sarcasm followed by an OTT laugh and a swift change of subject.

Any questions about babies I'd respond with: "I don't think my sex life is any of your business".

Any questions about how much you earn or incomings: "Enough".

Can't think of any other nosey questions that would piss me off.

My sister was once asked by our Uncle if she was going to have her tubes tide seeing as she didn't plan on having children

We have both now developed the strategy of saying "oh I don't know" or "I haven't thought about it" when asked intrusive questions followed by an equally nosey question of our own soon shuts them up.

I'm a <blank look> "I haven't thought about it" person too - unless of course it's a factual question, in which case you can just pretend you didn't hear and ignore the question altogether. Just smile. If they repeat the question, you can smile and say, "Sorry..?" and then say, "Oh I can't hear properly sorry" and then smile and walk away, or change the subject, or strike up a conversation with someone else nearby or whatever.

Depends on whether you want them to back the fuck off from asking personal questions or you're prepared to have the same conversation whenever you meet up.

If the former I'd say something like 'that's a bit personal and I don't really want to discuss it' (accepting of course that if they're nosy they'll gossip between themselves about you!). If it's the later any of your suggestions are fine.

how about, wow thats a really nosey question isnt it?

I don't wish to discuss that with you mother. An accompanying steely glare helps.

When people asked if we knew what we were having (when I was up the duff of course) I used to say that we had hoped for a kitten, but it had turned out to be a baby.

Otherwise, I tend to go for the, oh well, not really sure, haven't considered it yet approach. Unless you've had some really major body modifications done about which they're madly curious, in which case you should tell them that the ALIENS did it.

Death Stare. I have a slightly lazy eye, which helps with that.

Mind your own business, followed by a laugh.

MummytoMog

That made me laugh!

How I deal with personal questions depends on the person and the question, my body language or expression usually communicates my thoughts effectively.

My lovely but rather paranoid friend responded to a question I asked (which was actually totally innocent and non-intrusive) with "You ask a lot of questions, don't you?"

It shut me up although I bitched to DH about it later

"You'll find out along with everyone else. Through Facebook."

I turn it round on them

why are you asking
why do you need to know that
how much do you earn?


or just ignore the question and talk about cats or something.

or laugh and say crikey, what's with the third degree

or fling my arms wide and say NOBODY expects the spanish inquisition..

ok. I'm lying with that last one but it would be funny as hell.

I did once ask a bloke who was asking me really personal questions how big his dick was.

he walked away.

I was drunk at the time. wouldn't have the guts to do something like that sober

a short swift what the Fecks it got to do with you but then I can be quite rude when pushed

When we first lived abroad, women on buses used to ask me how many children I had (aged 20 something) and I said none and they used to say "why, what wrong, you cancer, your husband broken, God will hate you" I used to smile and plug my earphone back into, later on and extremely and satisfyingly, the Russell Brand radio show podcast.

I just say "I don't know," or "I haven't thought about it," or I just ignore the question. If it's a leading question, beloved of my mother, like "You don't really mind if anything goes wrong in labour do you?" (in response to me shock horror wanting a homebirth) I just give a one word response (in this case, "No") and don't react. Goading questions are the worst, it's so hard not to rise to them.

'If I told you I'd have to kill you'.

'Oh that's an interesting question!'
Followed by a big smile and a change of subject. Drives MIL nuts HAHAHA

i dont know if its been said but i always like the technique of answering a question you dont want by asking another questin and putting them in the hot seat.