To have let him off the hook

[badbelinda]

Just finished lunch and everyone now skulking in different rooms not talking to each other. Our kids (DS 8 and DD 9) are pretty good eaters, will try anything and not much they genuinely don't like but DS has always hated mushrooms. I had the bright idea that if we had cream of mushroom soup he might like the flavour without having the texture. DH duly made this for lunch as I was on chauffeur duty for all the Sat am activities. DS ate a bit with his bread but didn't like it much. DH told him to finish the bowl (not huge) and I said he should eat at least another 3 spoonfuls. He was struggling then gagged on his food. DH said he spat it out and it was deliberate but I'm pretty sure it was genuine (scarlet face, tears in eyes etc). DH told him he still had to eat his spoonfuls (while DS now sobbing) and I said he should be allowed to stop and thought DH being too hard on him. Lunch disintegrated and everyone upset now. DH thinks I undermined him and I can understand that but I think forcing a child to eat something when they're actually gagging on it is pretty cruel and has potential to give them issues with food in the future. DH pretty tired due to work issues at the moment and I think a bit more short-fused than usual but AIBU to contradict him about this in front of the children and is it likely to breed fussiness?

[WorraLiberty]

Why would you give mushroom soup to someone who has always hated mushrooms?

[Indith]

Poor boy, I would have let him stop after trying it. Children have genuine likes and dislikes just as adults do. Trying should be applauded.

[onetiredmummy]

imo its never right to force a child to eat something they don't like. Why should he eat another 3 spoonfuls when you knew he didn't like mushrooms in the first place?!

[reddaisy]

Poor boy. I don't make my DD eat anything she doesn't like and I encourage her to try new things. Just let your DC decide for themselves what they like and dislike FFS.

[badbelinda]

Thanks all, gives me a bit of perspective I think

[Shinyshoes1]

Fucking hell that's awful .

Why would you give mushroom soup to a child that hates mushrooms?

I hate root veg and NI matter how anyone glosses it up I still hate it

Children are allowed to dislike certain foods

[Startail]

You won't win.

My horribly fussy DD2 is stubborner than me and genuinely not that bothered about food.

Trying to feed her something she doesn't like or has decided she doesn't like is a total waste of effort.

There may be tears and tantrums, often from the parents, but the offending item won't be eaten.

You can't win because she is genuinely happy to go without rather than give in.

[MrsRajeshKoothrappali]

Awwwwww, that's really cruel.

He may end up with serious food issues if he's forced to eat spat-out, gagged on food that he already hates.

:(

[badbelinda]

To answer Shinyshoes and worraliberty, I hated mushrooms as a child and the 1st time I actually liked them was when I had soup as a teenager. I had discussed this with DS who agreed it might be the texture not the flavour he disliked and thought he would give it a go - possibly didn't communicate this plan to DH v.well.

[sparklyjumper]

I think that there's a big difference between a child genuinely not liking something, and being fussy. I'm no soft touch when it comes to picky eating but would never make ds eat something if he wad gagging.

[dreamingbohemian]

YANBU at all. Why the fuck would you force your child to eat something they're gagging on? I mean seriously, what the fuck?

I think it was a good idea to try the soup. But once it was clear he didn't like it -- jesus, let it go. Who cares if he doesn't like mushrooms? Hardly a big deal is it?

Your DH should go up and apologise to him. Then everyone put it behind you.

[catladycourtney1]

I can understand not giving up with a younger child when they say they don't like a certain food, but by 8 or 9 I should think they've well and truly made their minds up and aren't just being fussy. Like you said, there's not much he doesn't like, so if he genuinely doesn't like mushrooms then surely that's fair enough? Although, thinking about it, I've always hated tomatoes, tomato ketchup, tomato soup, even beans or spaghetti in tomato sauce, but I like pizza and pasta sauce, and i've recently found that I quite like chopped tomatoes (as long as they're really warm). So maybe trying him with soup does make sense.

Anyway, I think your DH definitely went too far. Kids can be awkward about food but if you start treating them like that it's only going to get worse. I hope you had a stern word with him afterwards.

[Pancakeflipper]

Oh poor boy. He is allowed to have likes and dislikes and he tried it !!!!

And poor you. I think I would overall my DP if this occurred in our home.
Hope everyone calms down and his dad apologises to him.

I had a mother who made me eat a Findus crispy pancake ( pretend cheese flavour) and I sat there for over an hour crying trying to force feed myself it. Then I vomited all over the table. I can still smell it. You never forget.

[badbelinda]

I take it you mean a stern word with DH catlady? Yes I did, also pointed out that I think he's being a bit harder than usual because he's tired - not gone down v.well. He thinks I'm being too soft, babying DS and undermining him. We can't seem to see eye to eye on this which was why I made this post.

[fuckadoodlepoopoo]

Forcing a child to eat a food they are not enjoying is really cruel and will make them hate that food forever! As well as being tense and frightened at meal times.

I've two fussy eaters and have had professional advice on this. I was told the most importing thing is to make meal times relaxed. Always put something on the plate that you know they like so they won't be stressed and also it means they will always eat something. Don't talk of food as in dinner is something you have to get through to get desert as that doesn't encourage a good healthy relationship with food. So no saying desert is a reward and withholding it if they don't eat their main. No making them clear their plate as that will encourage them to ignore the feeling of being full and could lead to obesity it adulthood.

We do an occasional bit of gentle encouragement to try something new but we have to be careful. Now that my dc is more comfortable trying new foods we've started a sticker chart for when dc tries a bit of everything on their plate, but its taken years to get this far.

[SarkyPants]

There is am massive difference between a stroppy child who is refusing to eat something as a tactic to try and be given something better and a child who genuinely hates the taste of a few things.

Poor kid.

[dreamingbohemian]

It's hardly babying him to say he doesn't have to eat something he finds so disgusting.

And it's not undermining if your DH is doing something really harmful.

Is there something your DH doesn't like, food or otherwise? Can he really not understand that it's normal not to like things?

if anything, it's babying to insist that your DS doesn't know his own taste.

Is your DH like this with other things? It's quite worrying tbh.

[AnyFucker]

Your DH made him eat gagged-up food ?

What would he have done if he had vomited on the table ? Made him lick it up?

I wouldn't stand by and witness bullying behaviour like that either, and I wouldn't give a shiny shit at being accused of being "undermining"

[AnyFucker]

Am also not sure how "being tired from work" excuses force feeding a child something they have consistently never liked

Foul parenting

[diddl]

Poor kid.

Agreed to try something that it was odds-on he wouldn´t like & was penalised by both parents!

What was the back up plan for his lunch if he didn´t like the soup?

[AnyFucker]

I wouldn't have had a "back up plan" as such (I have never cooked different meals for my family), but knowing the chances were he wasn't going to like it, I would let him fill up on bread and butter or whatever was provided with the soup and ensured there was cake or something for everyone afterwards

The poor lad agreed to try it. I feel really sorry for him.

[dreamingbohemian]

I just don't see the point.

When I was young I sometimes had to stay with friends who had a strict policy that you couldn't leave the table without eating everything. This included fat and gristle which I honestly could not eat so I was left to sit there for hours.

Am I a better person for it? Did it teach me something important? No. It was just some arbitrary bullshit.

You are not undermining your DH, you are using common sense and trying to protect your son.

[diddl]

Well that's a back up plan!

OP-how was your wanting him to have three spoons "letting him off the hook"?

Do you & your husband decide for yourselves what food you like/dislike, or do your force each other to eat more/finish?

Sometimes I don't finish food that I do like because I just don't always fancy all of it!

[AnyFucker]

Ah, fair enough, diddl

It's a disguised back up plan I think, that allows everyone to save face and doesn't involve bullying a child. If he was hungry later before tea, he would have been told to wait, also (or offered something very boring)