Mumsnet Talk

BTW - when I was pregnant with DS/only just had him and still breastfeeding, I had 2 wedding invites that were 'no children' - in both cases, I declined in e-mail stating that I'd love to go but I was/was planning on breastfeeding so wouldn't be able to leave DS and therefore would have to decline (but made a big fuss about wanting to see photos and how happy I was for them etc). One couple said ok, and arranaged lunch for after their honeymoon to show photos. The other came back to say of course babes in arms weren't included in no children and DS was most welcome. (And then I didn't see the wedding anyway because he was grumpy so I sat on the graveyard wall thinking I might as well have skipped this bit and gone straight to the reception).

If you decline but make it clear why you are declining and spell out how much you'd have loved to come if you were able to leave DS but can't (don't say "if he was allowed to come", that makes it look like you having a go at them), then that gives them the opportunity to say "oh bring him" while not being as rude as to ask if they can break their no children rule for you.

Bear in mind, while they might be happy to have your DS there and trust that you will remove him should he start screaming the place down, that doesn't mean all their extended family and friends have DCs who can be trusted to behave and while they might be happy to have babies who aren't going to use up a seat in the venue/be classed in the numbers, but family politics is a funny thing, some people can get an arse on that your child was allowed when their child wasn't (even if their child is old enough to need a meal/be counted in the numbers). Sometimes blanket bans are the only way to avoid bitching.

Great advice people, thanks. Also DH and I have had a good laugh at your rhyming responses.

We've decided to politely decline for me and DH will go alone - was thinking

I can't come to your wedding, yo!
Our DS needs my breasticles
The only one of us who'll go
Is he, the one with testicles.

But on the day I'll raise a glass
As wedding bells start chiming
Let's hope (because it read like arse)
It's better than your rhyming.

Child free weddings make me sad. When I.got married we specified that children were more than welcome, and included their names on the invitations. Some of my favourite photos are of two sisters having a whale of a time on the dance floor, they were so excited and lovely. But I didn't get married in a church, and people were only invited to our 'reception' which was just a big celebration. In a huge marquee, by a lake in the middle of the countryside. I hope those girls remember their special day, they had beautiful dresses etc. I remember going to a wedding when I was 5 and how awestruck I was.
You can ask OP as the worst they'll say is no.
I've just received a wedding invitation that stipulates no children at all, on a weekday, nearly 2 hours away. I wish they'd saved the paper and not sent it to us, as they've basically uninvited us via the invite! I'm not leaving my 9mo baby!

I totally understand child-free weddings, although I like children there and don't mind the rowdiness! I think usually it is understood that young babies are the exception, but it would be polite to check. If they say no, don't go. It would be petty of them to say no. Babies don't count towards numbers and .. they are lovely!

Sounds perfect OP!

YANBU to ask but it is ultimately their choice and one wedding I was at was ruined (the most important church part) by a baby crying throughout. The bride (my friend) didn't even know the baby (cousin of new dh) but I thought that was a terrible shame and so had a child free wedding. If the bride and groom don't have children nor close relatives with children then why should they accomodate other peoples offspring?? I personally would choose to go to a wedding without dc if given a choice and certainly don't want to have to tolerate other peoples dc hyped up on too much excitment or sugar running around a reception. It is a contentious issue though and a shame that brides have to take flak for their call on this issue.

PS love your rhyming reply though!

Here's my effort at a reply (I've just spent 15mins coming up with it, so am a bit behind the times, but I'm damn well going to post it):

I hope that you’ll not think me rude,
But my baby requires my boobs,
And as I’m his mum
I’ll be unable to come,
If you say he’s not invited too.

The Fun Police, it will probably mean nothing to them, but way to crap on people who don't live exactly as you do.

Brilliant response op, I'll pay you to send it to the happy couple!!!!

Send VictoriaPlum's poem. It's so sweet how could they not let you take him?!

Child free weddings are the result of thoughtless young idiots, who will soon learn the error of their ways

I always wish beautiful non sleeping, bottle refusing, Velcro babies on such people.

I've never known a child cause any trouble at a wedding.

I'd actually forgotten there was a tiny baby at mine until mum reminded me.

Only other DCs were my bridesmaid and her big brother, but I got married first of my peers so they didn't have DCs.

Lots of DCs at the last two weddings I've been to, no trouble at all.

I'm sure little babies at a wedding would be fine as other posters have said it's usually a cost thing. Tbh I don't get child free weddings to me it's about all families and friends coming together to celebrate. You should have seen the fun all the kids had at mine.

Btw if a baby starts screaming in the church the parent takes it out. That's a given isn't it?

TheFunPolice maybe it's the same wedding we've been invited to! Whereabouts is yours (nosy)

Staffordshire. I'm not saying that people should do exactly as I do, but children at a wedding are the best bit. But then I had my dogs at my ceremony as I wanted people that I loved there and it was too hot and long to leave them at home.