About suspicious contents of DP's pockets?

(69 Posts)
ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:15:07

Years ago, before we had DC, DP and I occasionally took cocaine (I now know how stupid and reckless this was by the way). At one point DP developed a bit if a habit but kicked it before it became a full blown addiction. We both stopped and I haven't touched anything illegal since trying for DC.

Now and again when doing the washing, I will find little plastic bags with a residual white powder. Whenever I confronted DP about this he would say its from years ago. I couldn't prove it disprove this as it did tend to happen with his older clothes and I don't tend to keep track of which jeans he has been wearing etc.

I've just found another empty bag in a jumper I know had nothing in it as I remember washing it recently. He's saying its caffeine powder from the Internet. I don't know whether to believe him or not.

I will be livid if I find out he has been using drugs. We have DC now and he is constantly harping on at be to keep the food bill low, don't run the heating too long etc, as we don't have much money.

He is not showing any other signs of a drug habit and holds down his job with long hours.

AIBU to he very suspicious?

acceptableinthe80s Sun 20-Jan-13 13:35:24

Surely you can tell if he's high? especially since you used to take it as well. I have a friend who takes it regularly, she doesn't think she has a problem, I can tell if she's had a line over the phone! You probably know it's a very expensive habit, do you know where he's getting the money to buy it? There's a chance he's racking up debt you don't know about.
Time for a confrontation I'd say, I think the drug bags are evidence enough.

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:35:39

I've got to admit that sometimes I forget to check pockets (slattern that I am) and will find them having already been washed. He has loads and loads of clothes. It would be impossible to check them all.

He's back. Will check in later when I get the chance.

crikeybill Sun 20-Jan-13 13:36:40

No one can advise whether you should leave your dp over this ( although plenty will !) This is a decision for you to make.
You need to talk to him. Its obviously coke. Sorry.
Talk first get the facts from him. Listen to advice by all means but make sure you do what YOU think is best for your relationship.

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:36:53

I have sometimes been suspicious as his eyes look funny but he claims tiredness. Also, his bogeys are always white (sorry, tmi and weird).

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 20-Jan-13 13:38:03

This caffeine thing is bollocks. why wouldn't he just drink espresso/buy Pro Plus?

HollyBerryBush Sun 20-Jan-13 13:38:18

Would you leave your DP/DH over something like this?

yes, if he leaves it in his pockets, carelessly and you have children - where else does he leave it?

That alone and the money aspect.

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:38:18

I am very worried that he's racked up debts that I don't know about. He's very private as in general and I've learned not to push him and question him too much especially over finances.

ThreadWorms Sun 20-Jan-13 13:40:29

Sorry, thought he was back but it wasn't him. If I go quiet then he back grin.

McNewPants2013 Sun 20-Jan-13 13:41:49

Caffine powder is now seen as a legal high, very popular with party people.

But it is still dangourous to take as it pumps the body with too much caffine

Tweedledeedum Sun 20-Jan-13 13:42:24

A tiny bit won't be dangerous. I'd rub a bit on your gum or tongue, you know how it used to feel from past experience. Then you've answered the caffeine powder question.

Also go carefully, he might just be more careful or hide the addiction if you go in all guns blazing, you want to make him comfortable to fess up and be open to getting some help. What do you think restarted it all, new kid free friends, midlife crisis, stress about money?

MunchMunch Sun 20-Jan-13 13:43:23

I think rather than caffeine powder helping him with the long hours it more than likely coke.

If he wanted caffeine to help surely he could buy the likes of pro-plus and drink coffee or energy drinks.

Maryz Sun 20-Jan-13 13:45:06

I would leave over something like this.

You can choose to live with a drug addict if you like (and a lying one at that), but can you in all conscience pick that life for your children?

I don't believe the "caffeine off internet" story - why on earth would he do that instead of buying red bull or other high-caffeine drinks?

DumSpiroSpero Sun 20-Jan-13 13:45:16

OK, firstly YADNBU to be suspicious.

Secondly, I am a nosey moo and have just bee googling. You can get caffeine powder in tiny packets on eBay and it's much cheaper than buying Pro Plus as the recommended dose is even tinier, so it's not totally beyond the realms of possibility that he's telling the truth.

But if that is the case, he should be more than willing to have a conversation with you and prove that this is the case. If not, then I would have alarm bells ringing and be considering my future if I was in your shoes. More than anything, he is bringing whatever this is into your home and there is a risk, however small, that your DC's could get hold of it.

Maryz Sun 20-Jan-13 13:46:15

"I've learned not to push him and question him too much especially over finances."

That ^^ up there. That's a massive, massive red flag in itself.

Addicts are secretive (not private) over finances. They have to be, because otherwise how do they explain where their money is going?

DumSpiroSpero Sun 20-Jan-13 13:48:39

I may have got that wrong about the dose being tinier - I was assuming 200mg a day (on another site) was a typo but apparently not shock.

McNewPants2013 Sun 20-Jan-13 13:49:40

Because caffine powder works out cheaper 2 teaspoons is the same as 70 cans of redbull and the powder is about £4 so saving at least £64 ( you only need 1/16th of a teaspoon

onetiredmummy Sun 20-Jan-13 13:49:44

This is how I found my ex H's addiction to cocaine, little empty bags in his pockets. He was holding down a job at the time & was successful, on a good salary. However he was never home in the evenings, was in the most godawful bad mood in the morning & was a shit father. He was also an alchoholic & had a marijuana addiction.

Think about his life outside the home, does he see his friends, has he the time to buy it & take it, does it sometimes seem like he would rather be out than at home with you?

DumSpiroSpero Sun 20-Jan-13 13:51:56

Have done the maths - a 10mg bag would provide 50 days worth of caffeine, so if he's trying to pass that off as a reason for money problems - he's definitely lying.

If he's consuming more than that - he has a problem anyway, even if it is with caffeine rather than coke.

SomethingProfound Sun 20-Jan-13 13:52:20

Buy one of these these. If he really hasn't been doing anything wrong he will take the test. If he refuses then you have your answer.

But IMO it's coke, and if instead of admitting that he fucked up made a mistake he is lying to you then that is a serious problem.

Who is he hang around with, are any of his friends or work colleagues likely to be taking it as well?

SundaysGirl Sun 20-Jan-13 13:55:49

Well a quick google search shows caffeine powder can be extremely dangerous anyway if taken incorrectly or in too large a quantity. If he has white mucus in his nose then he's snorting whatever it is. Doing that with caffeine powder appears to be a highly bad idea.

Lavenderhoney Sun 20-Jan-13 13:56:57

If you have been cutting down on finances, then you must know what he earns and where every penny goes? Like a big spreadsheet? Does he draw out cash each week and how much is it? And where does it go? For me, yes I woud go through his stuff, no matter how many clothes he has, what if your dc get hold of it? Same for caffeine powder too tbh, why is he carrying it about in his pockets ?

Maryz Sun 20-Jan-13 13:57:19

Wow, McNew, that's a massive amount of caffeine shock. That can't be good for people, can it?

Doesn't caffeine addiction also have all sorts of side effects (obviously not money, but health issues).

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Sun 20-Jan-13 13:58:15

He gives you grief about food bills but is constantly buying crap for himself on eBay?

Even without being a drug addict, that's off.

Wasting your family's money on drugs and leaving them where the kids might find it. FFS.

Sorry, is he saying that he's snorting caffeine powder? How is that any better? It may be legal but still a bad idea.

If you have money problems, why is he always getting ebay packages? Why does he have so many clothes you couldn't go through them, and still ordering more?

I would be tempted to snip some hair strands and send them off for testing. It doesn't sound like he's going to admit to anything and, no offence, you seem like a bit like you really want to believe his excuses.

Also how do you know the packages are coming off ebay? you can buy drugs online you know

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