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Just hung up on my mother...

(27 Posts)
SqueakyGeek Fri 11-Jan-13 20:49:28

Again...

So she asks about toilet training. I say we stopped due to x y z.
She says , well I thought you were a bit obsessive about it when I came to stay last time ( she had arrived on day two of who's a clever girl then stage as dd had self started and we were encouraging her to continue).

I say 'excuse me?' She says yes, your dp was shouting at her that he wouldn't let her off the toilet until she did a poo. Now I would like to be clear here: this did NOT happen. Mommy dearest is a confabulator extraordinaire to compensate for very bad hearing which she denies. Cloud f'in cuckoo land as dp puts it.
Anyway, she disagrees there may be another version of reality where that did not happen so I told her to drop the subject as we were not going to agree on it and after about 5 or 6 warnings that she was still on the subject, I killed the call.

So AIBU?

That's very nice of you marriedinwhite - sadly I'm not always perfect - but who is ? Especially when it comes to being a daughter - or a mother ?!

fluffyraggies England Sat 12-Jan-13 09:19:36

Sorry that was such a long rant blush

fluffyraggies England Sat 12-Jan-13 09:19:13

confabulator. Good word! Sympathies OP.

I was toying with the idea of starting my own thread about this! Instead i too will get it off my chest here if that's ok smile

The best way i can explain this is that my mum invents conversations she's had with people, and relays them to me word for word, with the intention of getting some point across.

In the main these convo's that she invents and then relays to me are meant to have been between her and my youngest DD when they've been alone together. It's funny, sometimes, but mostly infuriating. She's always been a manipulative person, but as she's getting older it's getting ridiculous what she thinks she can get away with without everybody noticing what she's up to. My DD hates it with a passion. It's got to the stage that once i've spoken to my mum for the 1st time after she's been with DD, DD will ask - 'OK, so what does nan say i said/we talked about this time?' Does my mum not think i actually talk to my DDs for goodness sake?

Example. (We'll call DD Elizabeth).
Mum (in her 'posh voice')
"I was chatting with little Elizabeth yesterday and she said she was worried that Mummy and Daddy would stay out late again this weekend. She said gets a bit lonely at home when her sisters are out and her mummy and daddy are out and she's there alone ......."

For info: Elizabeth is 15 next month, and does not say mummy and daddy anymore, she doesn't mind that me and DH go out once in a blue moon and actaully LOVES those couple of hours with the house to herself!

It can be about anything. Most recent invented convo's have had the intention of: probing into what my older DDs are up to, guilt tripping me into making sure i don't sell certain bits of furniture when i inherit them (! yes, i know), and of course making the above inference that me and DH spend too much time enjoying ourselves partying and orgying and are neglecting the children!

aaarrrggghhh. I mean why?

Does anyone else get this??

whatphididnext Sat 12-Jan-13 08:53:37

SqueakyGeek I have a DM who knows everything and changes the past to suit herself. I am apparently an "awful daughter that she has done nothing to deserve."

I regularly put the phone down on her, but on my therapists advice, warn her that she is pissing me off and I am unable to continue talking to her.

I also have caller display so I only have to answer every 3rd or 4th call to keep my sanity.

You are definitely NOT BU

I never knew that's what confabulator meant! Clever word! Describes my Mum to a tee unfortunately sad She genuinely believes that she's remembering things correctly, and then changes her tune a bit later.

Simple things, really stupid things. Like over Christmas I asked when Sis1 and Sis2 would be arriving, she said 1pm, so I didn't get in the shower yet as I was being lazy and lo and behold, Sis2 turns up at 11:30am. Tease Mum about it jokingly and she denies vehemently that she told me Sis2 would be turning up at 1pm, and that she thought I said Sis1 and her DH (who's name shares the first letter as Sis2)...

These things have gotten me into trouble too, with student loans, to the point where I now owe them £1900 I shouldn't need to owe because my Mum constantly tells me she's sent forms off that she hasn't sent off (because in her head she remembers doing it!), and they are ones that she is responsible for (her tax records) so I can't do fuck all about it.

Along with O2 threatening to take me to court last Christmas as she'd promised me she'd registered a new sim card when she hadn't so they carried on taking money from me and got very pissed off when I cancelled my contract and then carried on sending mail to her address (that I'd moved out of when I changed contract) and she didn't send it on to me, so it was 5/6months before I even found out about it.

GAH. Sorry OP, that was quite cathartic.

JessicaMLH Sat 12-Jan-13 06:59:40

I agree. And I think it may be orth investing in an old dial phone just so I can actually slam the phone down not press a button

Definitely, otherwise you end up lobbing your phone across the room like me blush

YANBU!

ZooAnimals Sat 12-Jan-13 06:39:50

"To fill in gaps in one's memory with fabrications that one believes to be facts". Basically a liar'

If you believe it to be true then you're not lying, you're mistaken. To be a liar you'd need to know what you were saying wasn't true.

sashh Sat 12-Jan-13 06:28:32

No. It's actually quite cathartic to hang up on mother once in a while.

I agree. And I think it may be orth investing in an old dial phone just so I can actually slam the phone down not press a button.

marriedinwhite Sat 12-Jan-13 00:17:42

Juggling I don't believe you would have hung up - ever. You are too good.

marriedinwhite Sat 12-Jan-13 00:16:33

Oh. If I wasn't an only child I think you might be my younger sister. Your mother sounds rather like mine. I've spend 52.5 years trying to please mine and would like to please her before she dies but I really don't think it's going to happen.

I tell dd she's the best and most loved dd every day grin

M0naLisa Sat 12-Jan-13 00:11:20

No I've hung up on both my parents before. Even told my dad to fuck off before hanging up before hmm

I've hung up very occasionally.
I phone back later when changing the subject is a more viable option wink

LaCiccolina Fri 11-Jan-13 22:05:28

God sounds like mil. She's got this idea of m/d relations that's so picture book. I know no one with it in rl. Drives me bats. If I didn't hang up I might lose it entirely sometimes...

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 11-Jan-13 21:13:00

Holly "To fill in gaps in one's memory with fabrications that one believes to be facts". Basically a liar

TalkativeJim Fri 11-Jan-13 21:09:37

Next time she says that, just reply 'What a shame. Looks like you're going to have to settle for a normal adult to adult relationship where the respect goes both ways. Or no relationship at all, of course- that's always an option' (big smile) smile

HollyBerryBush Fri 11-Jan-13 21:07:26

confabulator

whats one of those?

SqueakyGeek Fri 11-Jan-13 21:05:22

Thanks ladies, she always tries to make me feel like I'm the abnormal one for not listening to her every word like in a 'normal mother daughter relationship' - her words.
Thanks pixie, that's the usual run of events here too.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 11-Jan-13 21:00:13

Nope, it would've just made you angry, cut the call, ignore it all.

YANBU.

I do the same to my Mum when she changes her story. I've warned her I'll do it so I do. I don't care if it's rude, usually she's making events up in her head so that it benefits her.

Bubblegum78 Fri 11-Jan-13 20:57:48

If it saves shouting at her, probably for the best.

I've hung up on my mum before now. x

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Fri 11-Jan-13 20:55:25

YANBU.

Pippinintherain Fri 11-Jan-13 20:54:47

No, I do it all the time.
Saves me shouting at her.

Stixswhichtwizzle Fri 11-Jan-13 20:52:58

Nope!

Tee2072 Fri 11-Jan-13 20:52:43

No. I hang up on my mother all the time for similar reasons.

LaCiccolina Fri 11-Jan-13 20:52:29

No. It's actually quite cathartic to hang up on mother once in a while.

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