Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

to expect friends i see regularly & 'god parents' to send bday cards for my 5yo...

(96 Posts)
driedapricots Sun 06-Jan-13 20:29:36

...& not wait until the next time they see t
her, which is often weeks after the Big day...or worse still simply forget altogether...the bday is just after new year & only a small number remember & it seems to get less every year..many have dc born in the same year who she plays with regularly too. now shes getting older Dd realises who hasnt sent too & asks Why they havent..sad

Floggingmolly Tue 08-Jan-13 10:36:05

no birthday party this year because I am NOT a precious mother who indulges in showy parties every year
But you are having one, just two months after the actual birthday?
You are both odd and ridiculous.

Jins Tue 08-Jan-13 10:28:07

Every time I see a thread like this it makes me wonder who I've upset

grovel Tue 08-Jan-13 10:26:59

My Mum kept a list of her godchildren / other children she knew well. They all got a present on my Mum's birthday (generally money / a token), not on their birthday. The kids loved it (always a surprise) and Mum only had to organise herself twice a year (Christmas / her birthday). Mind you, she and my Dad had 15 godchildren between them and 20+ nephews and nieces.

So, where you then actually expecting two sets of presents and cards? One on their birthday, and one on the party? Or did you expect these "god parents" to turn up empty handed on your dds actual birthday? confused

Or is this a fab way of ensuring you maximize on presents? Christmas presents, birthday presents on the day to ensure it is magical, and more presents on the party as nobody could turn up empty handed on a childs birthday?

You are coming across very odd.

RingoBaa Tue 08-Jan-13 10:10:13

But that makes you as bad, no?

If you are waiting later for the party, how is it unreasonable for them to wait until they see you daughter to give her a card or present?

samandi Tue 08-Jan-13 09:58:35

I mean it's ridiculous to be expected to, not to send cards if you want.

samandi Tue 08-Jan-13 09:58:12

I wouldn't send birthday cards to my friends' children confused That's ridiculous.

blonderthanred Tue 08-Jan-13 09:56:40

People get very funny about Godparents on here.

There's nothing odd about assigning certain people to be 'moral guardians' or even just to have a special relationship with your children, it doesn't have to be religious. I am one to my friend's DTs, she used the term Guideparent and I would always get the children a card & present for birthdays & Xmas.

Saying that there are a couple of other people I am close friends with whose children I would also send bday wishes too. I don't think you are being unreasonable but you might have to do some groundwork for next time & invite the not-god-parents round for tea either before or on the day 'as dd would love to see you for her bday'.

driedapricots Tue 08-Jan-13 09:56:26

we have a party planned for feb as throwing a party over xmas is pointless bcos everyone is busy!! (hence they forgot the cards!!!!!) YES, I really do wish i didn't ask now...over and out!!

"yes actually i would expect to swap cards with my bridesmaids for the forseeable as i chose v gd friends & work hard to keep my friendships strong"

So you are swapping cards on account of being good friends, not because they performed some duty, had a role at your wedding then?

You just proved my point!

shallweshop Mon 07-Jan-13 21:45:34

Driedapricots - bet you wished you hadn't bloody asked now!! Think you have had some very harsh replies to a fairly innocent question.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe France Mon 07-Jan-13 21:24:58

OP... Why do you expect cards from friends for your DC but you're not even given them a birthday party? Now that baffles me, given that you've said birthdays should be magical for little ones? confused

I agree with the posters who abhor the mis-labelling of 'Godparent'; that is a very specific role, which seems to have been 'hoiked' into non-religious use for mere celebratory emphasis. Not right at all.

EuphemiaLennox Mon 07-Jan-13 20:55:58

You wouldn't want to be my friend.

I never send friends children cards or even my godchildren cards.

I don't send my friends birthday cards.

I don't send my dearest oldest friend who was my bridesmaid a card or her child who is my god daughter.

I don't send Christmas cards either.

I tried to be all organised one year and put stickers on the calendar and bought a box and filled it with cards in advance, but Christ it was still a monumental pain in the arse. When I remembered to write the cards and buy stamps I'd still drive around for weeks with the blasted cards in the dashboard forgetting to post them. It was just another layer of stress in my life which I decided really wasn't important so I ditched it.

I buy my god children a gift every time I see them, (about 3 times a year) and I have many close long lasting friendships that do not appear to have been negatively impacted by my crapness with card sending.

I put huge effort into my friendships. I dont send cards but they could call me in the middle of the night and I'd be there.

So I guess I'd have to say YABU.

SantasENormaSnob Mon 07-Jan-13 20:33:22

Yabu

Very.

drownangels Mon 07-Jan-13 20:27:15

The only time I have sent a child a birthday card including my closest friends children, my god children and nephews and nieces is when my children have been to their parties or it was a significant birthday like an eighteenth.

My friends have been the same with mine. No problems!

MrsDeVere Mon 07-Jan-13 20:09:39

There have been a few of these threads around.
Sorry OP but I think YABU.

The only people I would feel hmm towards for missing a birthday are my family. If a card got here late it wouldn't bother me. If they forgot altogether I would be miffed. We are not a huge family.

But to be annoyed that friends do not deliver cards on the day is a bit precious in my opinion.

But it obviously upsets some people judging by previous threads. So each to their own I suppose.

elizaregina Mon 07-Jan-13 20:01:43

I feel sorry for your DD op - its a tough time of year to have a bday.
However your just going to have to concentrate your efforts on getting her past the cards etc...
If you make the effort then it would be nice for them to reciporcate - but they arnt.
FWIW when I asked my godparents to be godparents I did actually specifcally say - please please dont feel obliged to get her presents for bday and xmas or anything....I didnt want them to suddenly feel they were on this big treadmill of having to get stuff.
one GP has given gifts, of the other two its more patchy.

More than the gifts though I focus more on do they make a fuss of her when they see her - spend quality time with her....

CheCazzo Mon 07-Jan-13 19:41:25

Cards. £3 minimum to buy and send one (unless it's a Lidl card which I suspect the OP would scorn!) - I'd rather add the card money to the cost of a gift. The card just goes in the bin anyway.

Floggingmolly Mon 07-Jan-13 19:22:53

In the absence of a party invitation; did any of them even remember it was her birthday? How come you see not having a birthday party as evidence of your "non preciousness", but still expect others to remember the date in the middle of their Christmas celebrations?
At this time of year, a friends child's birthday has pretty low significance, sorry.

Butkin Mon 07-Jan-13 19:18:04

DD has never received cards from anybody other then family or children she's invited to a party. We wouldn't consider sending cards to the children of our friends no matter how well we know them.

I am a little disappointed that one of her godparents doesn't send her a birthday card but we know things move on.

SarahStratton Mon 07-Jan-13 19:13:01

i would have thought a card from the friends dc to my dd would be a done thing..it has been in prev years

No, it's not. There's no law to say you have to give cards. I don't send Christmas cards, anyone who gets upset at that is being a tad petty imo.

driedapricots Mon 07-Jan-13 18:42:27

oh & pure yes actually i would expect to swap cards with my bridesmaids for the forseeable as i chose v gd friends & work hard to keep my friendships strong..spose that's a bit odd to some people eh..

driedapricots Mon 07-Jan-13 18:21:59

just to clarify to some of you, clearly so on your high horse you are not understanding my frustrations..or maybe ive not been clear..these are friends who ive known a v long time, we had dc together, our dc are friends who play regularly..i would have thought a card from the friends dc to my dd would be a done thing..it has been in prev years..i get that people are busy but Im disappointed. i have not said anything to dd, she had a fab bday Thx..she just asked if xxx had sent a card as other little friends of hers had sent cards...thats all angry envy wine wine wine

KellyElly Mon 07-Jan-13 11:28:06

Here's something from Wikipedia. A godparent, in many denominations of Christianity, is someone who sponsors a child's baptism. Today, the word godparent might not have explicitly religious overtones. The modern view of a godparent tends to be an individual chosen by the parents to take an interest in the child's upbringing and personal development.

I think many people don't see godparents in a religious way any more but as a special adult in their lives - hence the naming ceremony the OP talks about. This is still a a commitment to take and interest and be a part of their lives and that to me includes marking their birthdays otherwise why agree to take on the role in name only.

KellyElly Mon 07-Jan-13 11:14:52

Do you think bridesmaids give birthday presents to the bride for the foreseeable because she was a bridesmaid? Eh? How does that compare to a godparent.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now