Mumsnet Talk

yes, sorry they were ttc. He might well be the biggest twat on earth, doesn't help her though does it?

OP I think after 2 weeks you are feeling suicidal, you need to go and see your GP.

I don't think speculating about another woman is really going to be helpful to the OP just now

I really do feel for you, OP, and I'm sorry you're still struggling so much. As the others have said though, nothing you've described suggests your ex may change his mind. For your own sake, you need to try & make yourself accept that so you can start to move forward. Your children need you to keep it together.

Please stop asking your family to hassle your ex. It won't help anyone. Their energy would be better spent looking after you.

And op I really am not going to go on about this, I promise. Please come back to the thread for the support you need. Please note though that no or has said begging him would be a good idea. If he comes back, you need to call the shots. That is the only way it could work and leave your sanity intact. But your little boy loves you unconditionally.

No one
Sorry

You will feel better, it won't always be like this.
Honestly.

herbsandhags.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/the-joy-of-single-motherhood-and-why.html

Agree that speculation about another woman really isn't going to help OP.
He isn't coming back so you need to get your head round that fact & think about how you can move on, family is good, a friend is better-I hope you have a girlfriend who can help you through this. Go & see your GP also to help with your feelings-you have a child who needs you so talk of not being able to carry on without this man in your life needs to stop now.

It does if it voices the ops fears and mkes her see that he is not worth her tears.

And then the OP may transfer blame onto the other woman (IF there is one).. and find even more reason to excuse the ex and forgive him... it is pointless to speculate about something that may not be true.

No, his statement definetly doesn't mean he still loves you. It means he wants to move on and will not discuss it anymore.

True, good point. Either way, for noble or less than noble reasons I think we allagree he doesn't want to come back and begging will not help the op. Op, where are you? Hope you're ok.

My family haven't done anything, Those were suggestions that they made and I turned down.

We were TTC and I had morning sickness before he left me, He said 'I would put a bet on that you are pregnant' so he had a good idea that I was.

He said that he doesn't have to pay child maintenance because he is a student, He gets child benefit and he said that he would transfer this when it came in. I haven't had anything, I had to pay for him to take our DS to a soft play centre on Saturday because he said that he didn't have any money.

I can't get over him, It's like I need him in my life to live. I can't sleep, I keep crying. Life is shit at the moment.

We did live together for 2 and a half years. I moved 300 miles away from my family because he had to do a year out from university. I had DS up there and lived there for over 2 years, We move back around family and 2 months later he ends it. I am devastated.

I have PND, Panic attacks and terrible anxiety. He left because I wasn't the girl he fell in love with anymore, I had had one counselling session.

I know I shouldn't beg but I can't help it. I just want him back, More than anything.

And yes, I am keeping the baby as we were TTC and it was very much wanted.

Thank you for your support and messages.

He can't cope with life and with anything being less that perfect. He's in for a tough ride.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Glad you are close to your family. What about friends?
Congratulations on your pregnancy. Your children are very lucky to have you as a mother. You'll make their lives fantastic, and should also be making sure yours is too.

Actually I think it will help if she finds out he has another woman cos it gives a reason. Of all the breakups I know of, men are very reluctant to come out & say i have met someone else & I want to be with them not you.

Sweetheart, you are not going to get him back. You dont need him in your life. Your child needs YOU in his life though.

You also need to get some legal advice quickly about transferring the child benefit over to yourself.

How old are you? It sounds like you are both quite young if he is a student.

Why on earth were you trying to conceive though when he is a penniless student??

I think you have to seriously consider the future without him, and let your head not your heart make the decisions. Will you be able to cope with a toddler and a pregnancy on your own, and will you be able to cope when you have had a baby.

None of us can tell you what to do, but I know what I would advise my stepdaughter if she was in your position.

Well if he does, I pity her. He sounds like such a catch. OP you make sure you get that child benefit from him.
Do you work? Where are you living, and how are you doing financially?

"We were TTC and I had morning sickness before he left me, He said 'I would put a bet on that you are pregnant' so he had a good idea that I was.

He said that he doesn't have to pay child maintenance because he is a student, He gets child benefit and he said that he would transfer this when it came in. I haven't had anything, I had to pay for him to take our DS to a soft play centre on Saturday because he said that he didn't have any money."

Tell us again why you think that this man is so wonderful?

This is my take on it, from what you've just said... He has being living the life if a single man whilst you have been 300 miles away, not necessarily other women, but he will have been used to doing what he wants, when he wants. Now that you and DS have moved back home, he has realised that family life is hard work and actually, isn't all that keen. He sounds like a manchild and not someone I would want to father my children. What a wankrag.

Tell me to STFU but why are you TTC when you have PND that hasn't been resolved and whilst he is a broke student. This is not an ideal situation to bring a baby into, although there are people in worse situations having babies, I know. What are you going to do with regards to this pregnancy? You haven't said.

Honestly, he sounds a toad and you're well shot of him.

And why is he getting the CB if you are the primary carer?

Sort this out, OP. He is taking the piss.

I too am shocked at the acceptance of the behaviour of a man who has behaved appallingly. No wonder these men behave like this if people think it acceptable.

OP, you sound like you are in shock and have not fully accepted what has happened. Unfortunately you are going to have to, and you will only be able to move on with your life once you do. You have been very unlucky in meeting a man who wanted children and then changed his mind, leaving you in the lurch. But be rest assured that once you are no longer emotionally bound to this pathetic man, your life will feel so much better than before. You simply have to go through the shock before you can move onto this stage. I bet you will start to feel a little better in a couple of weeks, and then keep on improving from there!

He's even borrowing money off you. What is the point in him?!

OP, I think you need to get angry rather than distraught. That is the next stage and once you get to it, you will see things a lot more clearly too.

Go to your GP, continue with the counselling. He hasnt left because YOU have changed, he has left because his in an immature unsupportive prick... and one that you can easily live without.

I can't get over him, It's like I need him in my life to live.

You can and you will. Right now that may well seem impossible but you need to ask yourself whether you really want to devote your life to someone who was happy to ttc when he was clearly looking to end the relationship. And to end the relationship because you'd been ill with PND. That's not the behaviour of a responsible or loving partner.

oh OP

i remember your other posts. he is an arse

you Don't Need Him. Please try and be strong for your DC. i know how hard it is, believe me, i have been there. but DON'T BEG.

You WILL find happiness again, i promise x

He is getting the child benefit but OP is paying for him to take HIS OWN CHILD out?! I am getting angrier the more I think about it, and it's not even my ex!

He sounds like a Jeremy Kyle loser.

In that case yes he is a knobber. Will be back shortly

OP how serious are you about your life not being worth anyhing without him? If it's s elf pitying whine then fine, you're completley entitled to that. But if you are seriously considering suicide then please get help, fast in real life.

This man sounds like an utter shitbag. I think you're well rid OP.

As awful and heartbreaking as it seems now, you deserve so much better.