Partners ex refuses to buy dsd a new bra....

[humptydidit]

Briefly... Dp's ex recently made a payment of £1000 through CSA for arrears accrued over the last 5 years. His regular payments from CSA have been £50 per month so this was a great unexpected windfall.

Dp went out and bought dsd and dss christmas presents (an x box and a tablet computer thing), took dsd to a martial arts competition (costing approx £100 in total), paid dsd's martial arts training fees for the month (£50) and generally stocked up the cupboards ready for christmas etc etc.

As you can imagine, it has mostly gone now.

Cut to today, dsd is out shopping with her mum. We are being bombarded by dsd and ex-wife by texts demanding that dp pays for a new bra for dsd (15). Dp said no based on the fact that he is off work at the moment and money is tight and also that dsd has at least 3 other bras in the correct size in her drawer which she refuses to wear because they are not padded enough

dp eventually agreed to go halves on the bra but that wasn't good enough and is now getting it in the neck because of the £1000 payout.

AIBU to think that if ex-wife agreed to take dsd shopping, then she should at least go halves on it? Especially since it is an extra, not an essential.

[givemeaclue]

Confused re who all the people are, can someone clarify?

[Witchety]

How old is dsd?
They grow and she may feel too embarrassed to tell her dad

As far as money is concerned, what was he going to use to get Xmas presents before he knew of this windfall?

[givemeaclue]

Ok I have got it now.

It's just a bra, just pay half for it and move on. Ex sounds a bit hopeless.

[ImperialBlether]

Does your stepdaughter live with you and your partner?

Frankly, I wouldn't have mentioned the word 'bra' to my father, never mind expected him to pay for it. I don't think it's up to him to decide whether her bras are suitable for her and probably would've given her the money for it if she'd asked. His ex has a nerve, though.

[Bonsoir]

They fight about paying for bras? No wonder their marriage ended...

Words fail me.

[Witchety]

And who gets tax credits/child benefit for her?

[MammaTJ]

No idea!!

[MistletoeAndTomHardyPlease]

What she said ^

[FestiveWench]

No idea.
Depends who lives where and who makes what usual financial contributions.

[TheNebulousBoojum]

Poor girl.
Ridiculous thing for the adults to be squabbling over.

[pinkyredrose]

Why did he spend the £1000 on unessential things if he's off work and money is tight?

[HoolioHallio]

That poor child. Tell your DP to buy the bloody bra and stop playing games. It's up to someone else to set the Ex straight.

[chrismissymoomoomee]

Poor DSD if her parents can't even agree on who is paying for a bra. Both of her parents need to grow up and stop fighting about minor issues imo.

[MrsMangoBiscuit]

So your DP's ex wife made finally paid the arrears that had accrued over 5 years and is now expecting your DP to use that money on a shopping trip that she's taken their DD on?

No, that doesn't sound fair, but it also sounds like a pretty minor thing to get in an argument over.

[Thumbwitch]

I wouldn't ever have mentioned the word "bra" to my Dad either, Imperial!
Bras were between mother and daughter in our house, no male involvement at all.
As such, I think her mum should have just paid for it (I'm assuming it's not a La Perla type and therefore in the normal realms of cost?)

[TheNebulousBoojum]

Oh, and a padded bra stops your nipples showing through, as well as perhaps giving her a bit of confidence in her shape if she needs it.

[Witchety]

A bra is an essential.... Xbox, tablet and Christmas food ( this early??) are not!

So you get maintenance, child benefit tax credits and a £1000 on top and you fail to check she is ok for the basics???

[SirBoobAlot]

I'm completely lost.

Either way its just a bra.

[RedHelenB]

Most non residence parents would expect the resident parent to provide clothing I think. And a bra is an essential.

[AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird]

Ok I'm guessing you are a man whose partner has two DC and a pricky ex.
Your Dp should quit whining and buy the bra.

[Montybojangles]

Who's living with who, I'm confused (or blond)

[JaquelineHyOnChristmasSpirit]

So DD has 4 bras in total, the 3 in her drawer and the one she was wearing.

They are the correct size and I am presuming some what padded as you said she wants one that is more padded.

I think some people are being too harsh on you OP.

DD has enough essentials and doesn't need another bra but wants another bra.

DD's Mum has taken her shopping for the day and is now demanding your dp pays for what dd wants (I suspect it wouldn't have mattered whether it was a bra or knickers or a bloody ipod she would have still expected dp to cough up because she finally paid the maintenance she owed)

I think your dp has been good enough to offer to pay for half and he should stick to his guns and refuse to pay any more.

[squeakytoy]

i wasnt confused until I read the other posts.. surely the person who paid the £1000 is the ex wife, and the daughter is resident with her father..

[squeakytoy]

and at 15, if she wants a new bra because she wants rather than needs, she should buy it out of her own money..