To want to be offered a fucking cup of tea

(100 Posts)
SpoonyFuckersWife Sat 08-Dec-12 08:43:30

without asking for one, just once. I'm referring to the weekend here only as dp works all week. I make us lovely dinners/puddings 5/7 times a week.

My dp will just lie there playing on his effing iPhone until I get up and make us tea. Just once it would be nice to be offered. My father always makes my sm a cup of coffee every morning without fail, same as my mum and sd. So I seem to have found a bloke who never thinks to offer something so little for his partner sad

I maybe be a teensy bit hormonal due to being 38 WEEKS FUCKING PREGNANT and never being offered a cup of tea. In the morning my back and ribs are killing me.

Rant over <breathes in lavender and clary sage concoction>

twofingerstoGideon Sat 08-Dec-12 08:57:02

Hmm, I noticed the 'help' with the cleaning too.
Leave the Bastard!

SpoonyFuckersWife Sat 08-Dec-12 08:57:35

Bue Bunny and Hokey grin thanks for cheering me up. I might have to NC to that now.

The problem with milk in first is, you don't know how much you need. Wen you add it after you go by colour. Makes no sense! angry

theoriginalandbestrookie Sat 08-Dec-12 08:58:33

No don't admit defeat. Tell him every weekend on one of the days it is his turn. Tell him that when the baby is born it will continue to be his turn to get up one of the weekend mornings. Keep telling him as it suits him well to forget.

By the way I hear of the marvellous hubby's that bring their wives tea in bed every morning - I don't have one of those either, but we are more or less equal.

helpyourself Sat 08-Dec-12 08:58:45

Never got a cup of tea in the morning unless I asked. Couldn't LTB as its literally his only fault.
I got this instead.

blonderthanred Sat 08-Dec-12 08:58:45

Step 1. Ask DH for "a nice, strong cup of tea".
Step 2. Don't make dinner.
Step 3. Say, "but you didn't ask!"

HoHoHokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Sat 08-Dec-12 08:59:24

I have started a thread on this to investigate the matter further...am all and sundry are now coming to tell me i am wrong and make awful tea!

SpoonyFuckersWife Sat 08-Dec-12 08:59:48

'helps' as in contributes to housework without needing to be asked, which is good

Morloth Sat 08-Dec-12 09:00:21

Just tell him when you want one.

Not much point sitting there hoping he will offer or getting up and making one if you are in pain.

If I want a cup of tea and don't want to get up, I say 'Hey babe, make me a cuppa will you?' - he does the same.

No point suffering in silence.

Milk in first is fine if you are pouring from a pot, if making with tea bag in a cup then obviously boiling water first.

FergusSingsTheBlues Sat 08-Dec-12 09:01:00

Train him. My notoriously lazy husband once refused to make me a cuppa in front of his parents. I felt really humiliated and angry when my fil made it instead.....later on I told him that as punishment he was damn well gonna make me one every night for the rest of my life. Unbelivably, he has done eighteen months of his wee penance. 10pm every night i get handed a cuppa.

Make him do it.

Bluestocking Sat 08-Dec-12 09:02:10

All joking aside, there is no point in telling him days before the weekend that you would like tea and them fuming because he's forgotten by the time you get to the weekend. You have to tell him when you want the tea. It's taken me years to get my ForgetfulFucker to the point where he reliably offers me a cup of tea every time he gets up before me!

Fakebook Sat 08-Dec-12 09:02:49

Oh ok, so you've already told him. Well stop doing things for him then. I did that to DH when we first got together. He was quite selfish, but now he makes a cup of tea for me without asking. Took me 6 years to get to this stage.

SpoonyFuckersWife Sat 08-Dec-12 09:03:33

*Not much point sitting there hoping he will offer or getting up and making one if you are in pain.

If I want a cup of tea and don't want to get up, I say 'Hey babe, make me a cuppa will you?' - he does the same.*

Read my op, I do not want to have to ask! That's the whole point in the thread! It would be lovely if he asked before reaching for his fecking iPhone and then playing some shit for ages, 'hey love, fancy a brew?' I hate that I have to ask, he knows I would love one! Plus I do ask him, like just now, I said 'I would love a cuppa if you don't mind'

lottiegarbanzo Sat 08-Dec-12 09:03:38

I'm guessing you contribute to housework without needing to be asked too. Does he recognise that as 'helping' him?

SpoonyFuckersWife Sat 08-Dec-12 09:04:35

6 YEARS ??!! <faints>

HoHoHokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Sat 08-Dec-12 09:06:20

I totally understand what you mean, my dh is lovely and will do anything i ask.

Sometimes though it would be nice if he just did, without me having to ask. To use a bit of initiative, telepathy...whatever, i just want him to do it without being prompted!

Morloth Sat 08-Dec-12 09:07:20

Well TBH I think that is a bit mad.

When I want something from someone I tell them, much easier all round.

TheNebulousBoojum Sat 08-Dec-12 09:07:43

If you have made it clear, and he's not bothering to think, then stop doing things for him. Make your own tea and don't make him one.
It is ridiculous that you are having to use the same strategies that I do on my 18 year old when he's being inconsiderate, but I find it does work if I back it up with a clear explanation of why.
DS makes me tea when I stagger home from work if he's in, without having to ask.

i feel for you. DH is largely useless around the house but he does always make me a cup of tea first thing in the morning and at regular intervals during the day when he's around.

I would leave him if he didn't. No question.

SpoonyFuckersWife Sat 08-Dec-12 09:08:55

He's now making himself breakfast before going to the gym. I don't fancy what he's having (egg friend rice confused) and there's nothing else in so I said I'll go and pick myself up something sad I'm bloody starving.

I've always relied on myself and been very independent, but you have those times when you want to be looked after a little. He knows I'm feeling pretty fragile due to family ishoos. <slopes off>

TheNebulousBoojum Sat 08-Dec-12 09:10:03

So give him a shopping list to pick up on his way back from the gym.

lottiegarbanzo Sat 08-Dec-12 09:10:39

Getting someone to become a more thoughtful, selfless person is quite a big thing to ask. Reasonable but you can't expect an immediate change in personality. The good thing is you only really need to change habits and those become quite ingrained quite quickly. You will need to keep reminding though.

It does sound as though he's taking you for granted and doing what he can get away with, which you need to address urgently, as he's unlikely to get any better with a baby.

SpoonyFuckersWife Sat 08-Dec-12 09:10:52

His mum did everything for him, very spoilt little boy so he's never learnt I guess. Glad I'm having a ds, I know he will be selfless and kind and generous.

SpoonyFuckersWife Sat 08-Dec-12 09:11:49

Ill be chewing on my cat's leg by then nebulous

nurseneedshelp Sat 08-Dec-12 09:11:52

Run for the hills.....

SpoonyFuckersWife Sat 08-Dec-12 09:13:06

I'm going to ask for a teas made for Christmas, as someone posted it above. I've always wanted one but wondered how well they worked. Would be good with a baby too

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