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To think that larger families should be classed as 4 dcs or more?

(78 Posts)
notnagging Mon 03-Dec-12 09:03:59

The larger families thread is meant to be for families with alot of children. I have bookmarked it as a favourite topic but it seems mostly about going from 1-2 or 2-3. It's all people asking advice. 3 children is not a large family, I have 5 which I don't particularly see as large, 15 is large. The amount of times I've heard '5?! I can't cope with 2'. That doesn't need to be repeated over and over on a larger families forum.

PropertyNightmare Mon 03-Dec-12 14:06:22

I have four and agree with the poster above who said that for most people, what constitutes a 'large' family is most likely one more dc than you've got. Four dc holds no mystery for me but five, well that seems like lots of children to me!
Over the past five years or so, I have known lots of people with 3 children, several families with four children but only 4 families with five children. (one of those families had 7dcs). So in my experience, five or more children is really quite unusual and a far larger than average family.

JaquelineHyOnChristmasSpirit Mon 03-Dec-12 13:24:23

YANBU OP

I'm currently pg with my 4th and still won't consider that a large family. Whe we have number 5 I think I will.

I do wander on to the larger families section though as I was one of 7 growing up (now one of 8 as my Mum has a 4yr old now) and so like to offer a perspective from the child's perspective. Especially when parents of lots of children are getting a hard time for not possibly being able to love or give enough attention to all their children hmm

RobotLover68 Mon 03-Dec-12 12:36:02

oh I could have had hmm fail!

RobotLover68 Mon 03-Dec-12 12:35:04

I have definitely noticed in the past 10 years amongst our peer group a shift towards having 3/4/5 children

I've noticed that too lovestotravel 10 years ago I was known at the school as "Robot-with-the-four-kids" and another lady in the class was known as "Jenny-with-the-five-kids" we were the only ones (in a very big school) with a "large family" the last few years it's become more and more common to have 4 or more

Just an aside, one of the things people say which always makes me go hmm is "oh I bet you don't notice when one of them is not there" oh yes right obviously I'm the old woman who lives in a shoe then!!

notnagging Mon 03-Dec-12 12:26:55

Mrsdeveresgrin my kids are starting a tally on how many strangers ask me if I've got a telly

flowery Mon 03-Dec-12 12:23:50

Ooh have we got Christmas smileys?

grin

Excellent.

We didn't have big age gaps which may have contributed to the feeling of being a large family. I am eldest and the youngest is only 5 years younger than me.

Now I have two myself I am more full of admiration for my parents than I was at the time...

MrsDeVere Mon 03-Dec-12 12:22:15

I think large is 'the amount it take for someone to say 'how many!?' (and look like this shock ) when you answer their question 'so how many kids do you have'

BornInACrossFireHurricane Mon 03-Dec-12 12:12:53

I am one of four and never considered it to be large, although there are big age gaps within this which would have helped (in terms of one moving to university to free up a bedroom, less car seats etc)

I actually love having three siblings but we're sticking at 2 children personally, one of the reasons being that if we had twins again we wouldn't be able to afford the costs that four would entail for us and may lead to a nervous breakdown

forevergreek Mon 03-Dec-12 12:12:46

Well 2 is average, so any more than that is large.

notnagging Mon 03-Dec-12 12:11:32

We've sorted that out now Brady

bradywasmyfavouriteking Mon 03-Dec-12 12:07:39

hear not here. grin

flowery Mon 03-Dec-12 12:06:40

grin 5dcs

In answer to what should class as large, I was one of 4, and I would class that as large simply because it was a bigger family than most other people had growing up. Most of my friends had one or two siblings.

But in terms of classing it for the purposes of a forum on here, well I would never think restricting who can post in what forum is a good idea. Everyone should be able to post wherever they want, and get support/give advice.

If you get advice that you don't find helpful, that's a shame, but you can disregard it. But nothing should restrict who can ask where imo.

Asinine Mon 03-Dec-12 12:06:19

I have four, it doesn't feel like that many.

In fact I can't remember the last time I counted them.

grin

bradywasmyfavouriteking Mon 03-Dec-12 12:05:47

didn't say it was my decision. I also said I have 5 & I didn't see that as large

I see 5 as very large. That's my point. Who is to say what larger is? you don't think 5 is, I think 5 is massive.

I shouldn't have posted on aibu, I forgot that it tends to get like this.

No need for this ^^comment. Why do people ask for peoples opinions and comments then start this sort of rubbish when then don't like what is said.

I would say you shouldn't have posted in aibu, if you didn't want to here peoples opinions and just have a moan.

notnagging Mon 03-Dec-12 12:03:53

Lol greenpetals. Yes I am having issues around weaning my last dssmile every time i have one the guidelines change & people assume that because I've had a few I automatically know what I'm doing. I had no idea about blw.

GreenPetals Mon 03-Dec-12 11:58:25

It might also be that the issues that you have are actually strongly related to the fact you have 5dcs so people just think that it would have been easier for you if you had stopped with 3 or 4. Not an crazy idea tbh. Having a bigger number of children does increase the number of issues you have to deal with.
I have actually have been told by a mum that 'It was the reason she stopped at one' when she was me running around my 2 (who were 1.5 and 3yo at the time) as she though I was clearly spreading myself thin there. I would not want to think what she would have though of a mum of 5.

However if people tell you that when you are talking about issues with weaning your last dc, then YANBU.

ReindeerBollocks Mon 03-Dec-12 11:57:11

I think that topic would be for parents who had 4+ DCs.

2-3 is the average around here, I grew up with one sibling (and 3 step siblings). Two/three wouldn't be affected by the same issues as say four or five DC's. It would make sense to be realistic about what constitutes a larger family as obviously there will be hurdles such as holidays, cars, bedrooms which just wouldn't apply to a family with 2/3 DC's.

So actually I think YANBU.

notnagging Mon 03-Dec-12 11:56:47

Lovestotravel. Youre right. I think lots of people seem to want larger families now but stop themselves. Alot of my friends wanted 3,4 or 5.
We are by no means well off but the ds' always have someone to entertain them grin

I have 4 kids but don't feel it's enough to post here.

GreenPetals Mon 03-Dec-12 11:53:55

Well seen that the average number of children in a family is about 2, there won't be a lot of families with 4 or more children.
Actually I can think of a few families with 4 dcs but just one with 5dcs and none with 6+ dcs.

By that standard, yes a family with 4dcs is a large family.

The fact that you don't feel it's large or that your mother/grandmother had 6+ children is irrelevant here.

Perhaps you are getting comments '2 is already plenty' because the majority of parents actually find it hard with 2 dcs already. You can hardly go around and ask them to not feel like this if this is the case because you don't feel like this.

lovestotravel Mon 03-Dec-12 11:53:18

Arrggh - right decision, massive

honeytea Mon 03-Dec-12 11:52:07

I think it also depends on if you are a single parent, a mum with 3dc by herself probably has a much harder time practically than a couple with 4 dc.

EdgarAllanPond Mon 03-Dec-12 11:51:31

i'd think 4 was large enough - 3 is still within what most consider normal.

notnagging Mon 03-Dec-12 11:50:41

True Iwishyou but was just something on my mind from all the comments I get.

lovestotravel Mon 03-Dec-12 11:50:19

I personally think anything over 2 dc's is a large family - I have definitely noticed in the past 10 years amongst our peer group a shift towards having 3/4/5 children which isgreat if you can afford it but for us it would not be the tight decision as it would have a messive impact on our lifestyle and what we could provide for our DD.

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