To think that larger families should be classed as 4 dcs or more?

(78 Posts)
notnagging Mon 03-Dec-12 09:03:59

The larger families thread is meant to be for families with alot of children. I have bookmarked it as a favourite topic but it seems mostly about going from 1-2 or 2-3. It's all people asking advice. 3 children is not a large family, I have 5 which I don't particularly see as large, 15 is large. The amount of times I've heard '5?! I can't cope with 2'. That doesn't need to be repeated over and over on a larger families forum.

YuleBritannia Mon 03-Dec-12 10:24:31

No wonder this country is becoming overpopulated.

<sits waiting for criticism>

WiseKneeHair Mon 03-Dec-12 10:26:21

People's definition of a large family is often one more child than they have. I have 3 DC and don't see that as large, however, the thought if four makes me shock
Surely, however, there is nothing stopping you starting a thread about your family, OP?

Tailtwister Mon 03-Dec-12 10:30:07

I suppose it depends on your personal experience. A lot of our friends have gone on to have 3 and that seems like the most popular number around here. The largest family I have personally known was 5 and that was considered large at the time (70's/80's).

libelulle Mon 03-Dec-12 10:30:20

because you sounded utterly dismissive of problems such as deciding whether to have a third child or how to fit three car seats into a car, as if they were somehow unfitting topics for a 'large families' board. That sounded mean and unpleasant, sorry but I don't see how else to interpret that comment.

I post a lot on the prematurity boards because my son was born at 26 weeks. Your comments to me are akin to me going there and saying 'oh no, this board is overrun with comments from parents of 36 weekers, this is not on and the board should be reserved for those with babies born under x weeks'. That would not be acceptable, so why should it be ok to imply that the larger families board should be reserved for families over a certain size? It isn't, and to suggest otherwise IS oneupmanship.

The logistics start to get more difficult with three dcs onwards. I have three. I don't think of it as a large family but it's certainly not small either grin
I think this thread is unecessarily snippy tbh.

notnagging Mon 03-Dec-12 10:38:16

We are not talking about premature babies though. You wouldn't post to say what's it like there would you? It's completely different.

notnagging Mon 03-Dec-12 10:40:08

I agree northern lurker. It's a shame it's ended up like that

flowery Mon 03-Dec-12 10:40:49

"I would love to go on there and get some advice for once rather then giving it. "

Well you're not forced to give advice on any thread, so don't if it's becoming too much.

What's stopping you asking for advice, or are you not getting help when asking?

Flowery the problem is asking for advice most replies are along the lines of "you have too many kids " or " I don't know how you cope" I was once told I was "fucking selfish" for making my kids share a room grin

libelulle Mon 03-Dec-12 10:49:00

It was a direct parallel, let me spell it out. You want to reserve the board for people with a certain number of children, implying that having less than this does not qualify as a 'large' family. This is exactly like me saying that I want to reserve the prem board for parents of babies less than x number of weeks, implying that being born after this is not a 'proper' prem. It's the same.

To me, 3 kids is a large family, therefore that qualifies to post on the board, even if the problems are not the same as having 15 kids. Likewise, 36 weeks IS a prem baby even though the issues and worries are very different to 26 weeks. It is not a competition.

And actually people do often post on the prem boards to ask about what it is like having a prem baby if they are in the position where they might be having one in future or know someone who is having one. Why should they not? Most of the mn boards ARE about asking advice from those able to give it, I don't get why this is a problem. If you don't want to give advice, then don't, and if you have a problem you need help with, then why not post about it?!

libelulle Mon 03-Dec-12 10:49:49

Well if you don't like the answers you are getting, that's a different issue. But it's got nothing to do with people posting about the problems with having 3 kids.

notnagging Mon 03-Dec-12 10:50:18

I agree dcs. You ask for advice and someone will chip in with 'dont have so many then' or like earlier ' no wonder Britains overpopulated'.

MrsDeVere Mon 03-Dec-12 10:51:41

If you have more than 2 children you are not allowed to moan or have a grumble. Mothers of large families are expected to shut up and get on with it because they chose to have 'all those kids'

This doesn't seem to cross over AIBU where women who are pissed off with the man the chose to marry/live with are allowed to rant to their heart's content (I am not talking about abusive situations).

I technically have a large family because I have 5 children. But one is dead and one has moved out so I don't go on those boards either.

My OH is the youngest of 12 grin

DontHaveAtv Mon 03-Dec-12 10:58:08

I have 7 children and yes that is a large family, but it doesn't feel like it to me because Im used to it. I can see how someone with 3 children face some problems like needing a bigger car, so can't see the harm in posting questions about it.

bradywasmyfavouriteking Mon 03-Dec-12 11:00:43

I don't get why the OP thinks its her decision to choose what is a larger family.

If you feel you have a large family then crack on. MNHQ haven't put a number on it. Why should anyone else.

I have 2, never been on the larger family board. If I were to have another that would be a large family to me.

notnagging Mon 03-Dec-12 11:05:06

I didn't say it was my decision. I also said I have 5 & I didn't see that as large. I shouldn't have posted on aibu, I forgot that it tends to get like this.

BarbecuedBillygoats Mon 03-Dec-12 11:05:47

I have 4 and feel I have. Small large family. I have friends with 8,9,10 though

I think 4 or more counts though because that's the point things tend to change. Bigger car, people commenting etc

OwlLady Mon 03-Dec-12 11:07:45

I don't know how people afford more than 2. I have 3
can't afford themgrin

Pandemoniaa Mon 03-Dec-12 11:08:43

I can see where the OP is coming from but equally, don't think it is helpful to get overly-prescriptive about who qualifies for certain sections of the board. To me, having a third child would have felt like having a larger family. It would certainly have meant quite significant decisions would have been necessary about bigger houses/childcare/work and transport.

On the other hand, I had a friend who had 13 children and she was very scathing about anyone with less than 8 children claiming to have a large family. But sometimes, the practical advice you want is as applicable to 3 as it is to 13.

BalloonSlayer Mon 03-Dec-12 11:13:17

Well I have 3 DCs, which is more than most of my friends and family. I know a couple of families with 4, and one with 5.

I do not consider 3 to be a large family. I'd say 5+

I'd say 3 DCs is quite a small family actually.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Mon 03-Dec-12 11:15:56

I only felt like I had a large family when I had five (I have six now)

When I had three it seemed really small! Even now I sometimes look at them altogether and think, 'nah there's not that many of them really' grin

notnagging Mon 03-Dec-12 11:18:05

I do the same May, especially when it's quietsmile

OP I think I'd agree that "larger families" is probably 4 or more dc. 3 is maybe more than the average but still not really that unusual.

But for some I guess the logistics of having 3 might be a bit much and so the appropriate place to ask for help would indeed be the "larger families" board.

<gets comfy on fence grin>

libelulle Mon 03-Dec-12 11:23:44

But your thread title was 'to think that larger families should be classed as 4dcs or more?' - what is that if not you deciding what a large family counts as?!

Someone has a large family if they think they have a large family. To some that might be 2, to others 15. It is no-one else's business to decide that, and certainly not to dismiss their problems or argue that they shouldn't be posting just because you don't think they 'qualify' as a large family.

notnagging Mon 03-Dec-12 11:37:01

Okay libelulle. You win if that makes you feel better. I don't see the need for a fight. Especially as it was left & you keep going back to it again & again. I don't think it's necessary but as you say that's just what I think. I was asking for people's opinions not saying I ruled mumsnet. If that was the impression I gave then it was not what I meant. Sorry for any confusion caused.

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