To ask mothers of grown up sons what, if anything, their son has done to a woman that they are embarrassed about?

(78 Posts)
ATouchOfStuffing Sun 02-Dec-12 16:46:46

I see so many posts about apparently horrid and unfair men on here, I wanted to see it from the mother's view point. I know from my experience that mothers sometimes find it hard to believe their son would behave badly or hurtfully. However some mum's must have a few stories? <Wonders if mothers ever really know full story!>

bradywasmyfavouriteking Sun 02-Dec-12 16:49:30

I can't imagine alot of the mums know the full story.

I did some twatish things as a teen, when living at home and she never found out.

PimpMyHippo Sun 02-Dec-12 16:51:29

The mother of the man who treated me badly thought I was a slut. hmm

TwllBach Sun 02-Dec-12 16:53:15

I know my mum is ashamed of my brother for cheating on his adorable girlfriend.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Sun 02-Dec-12 16:54:34

I used to try get things out of my inlaws, all I got was 'he's bad news but we love him he can never live here again, we moved him out @ 14'

I should have ran then.

Mines are too young just now, I have been asked 'what if I have a girlfriend and don't like here anymore, can I tell her over facebook?'

I advised 'no, sit her down and tell her you have ran out of things in common and be friends'

Obviously my comments was 'in olden-days and everything is done via facebook today'......

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland Sun 02-Dec-12 16:55:40

My ex is perfect btw, a sad guy with problems...yeah big problems
that you in law people will know about one day soon-ish if I have my way. <bitter>

ihearsounds Sun 02-Dec-12 16:59:47

Might not find many mothers posting about their sons. Not because they find it hard to believe but because they learned their behavior from their parents. Not saying all like this, but there will be a few.

Think Pimp I had the same mil. She used to scream that I was a slut and other vile things. No wonder her darling son treated women like shit.
Another ex, he learned how to treat women like shit from watching his dad smack his mum around on a regular occurrence. Although she never left the dad, she does admit that they are to blame for the way her sons turned out.

carabos Sun 02-Dec-12 17:00:59

DS1 (26) lives with his girlfriend. They have been together about 18 months. He had a couple of fairly casual relationships at uni, but this is the first serious one iyswim. I have no idea if he has done anything in any of those relationships that I would be ashamed of, but that's not to say it hasn't happened.

Incidentally, there is nothing that he could do would make me take someone elses's side against him - he's my PFB after all wink.

My dh's lovely mum and dad told me in front of him that if he ever did anything 'unreasonable' and I felt upset or uncomfortable, I could go to their house and stay with them on my own until I found somewhere else. And they wouldn't let dh in the house until I'd moved out! grin

In my dh's defence, while he has occasionally acted like a bit of a ring piece, he's a lovely bloke and never ever have I ever felt threatened by him in anyway! Best in-laws EVER, I still joke with dh 'right, that's it, I'm movin in with your mam and dad!'

MissCellania Sun 02-Dec-12 17:11:59

yabu

Chubfuddler Sun 02-Dec-12 17:12:38

My mum was really horrified that my brother used to cheat on his ex girlfriend. Really appalled.

strumpetpumpkin Sun 02-Dec-12 17:24:57

i would hope that any mother of sons would be as supportive to their sons as they would be to their daughters. That doesnt mean minimising bad behaviours or excusing them, but still seeing the human behind the behaviour.
I would be there for my sons no matter what they did, even if i was the only one that was, and I would be there for my daughter too, and hopefully their partners too in the future of either sex.

Fairylea Sun 02-Dec-12 17:31:37

I know my exes mum (dds granny) is ashamed of the way he treated me. I left him but even though she was there for him she made it clear he had been an idiot. Too much pub time etc etc.

We wrote to each other and still ring each other from time to time and when I split up with my subsequent husband (he left me after having an affair, I do pick em) she immediately welcomed dd and I to stay with her whIle we sorted things out.

Dds dad, her son, has now moved to the USA so rarely sees dd but dd still goes to see granny and grandad very regularly.

She has always said I am the daughter she never had.

waltermittymistletoe Sun 02-Dec-12 17:33:28

My MIL completely turned her back on DH when he split with his ex.

Now, he cheated on her when they're baby was three months old so was a total and utter wank bag.

Now he's brilliant. He was very young then (20 years ago). And he and his ex are fine. SD is fine. Everyone is fine.

But the damage has been irreparable and they go through months of not talking over silly little things.

But she is a troubled woman. She has a heart of gold and loves her children and grandchildren. She just had a hard life and it's made her a bit difficult at times.

She was technically right not to condone his behaviour but maybe she went about it the wrong way.

All things considered, I wish she had supported him a bit more because while everyone else has moved on she will never have her son back, not fully. And he'll never have the mum he had back.

Mu1berries Sun 02-Dec-12 17:34:17

my mum's friend thought it was gas that her son has several women on the go and all ringing him. My mum said nothing. But if it were MY friend (a few years down the line) who found this behaviour amusing, I think I would say something.

Dawndonna Sun 02-Dec-12 17:37:45

My 27 year old did something he shouldn't have done at 17. He did treat somebody badly. I wasn't happy, but I'm not going to hold a 17 year olds mistake against him forever.

Mu1berries Sun 02-Dec-12 17:51:20

I have a son and obviously I will (if I need to) point out to him that women weren't put on his earth for his entertainment, they're not a resource to be plundered so to speak... But I would never throw him out or punish him (however you punish a teenager or young man) I would just try and get through to him that a decent person doesn't trample on somebody else's feelings.

Also, although I would never want my dd to cry rape (who would want that) I do think that some cavalier player type young men lead young women to believe that they have feelings for them so on that basis the young women sleep with them. And then when their calls aren't return and they realise they've been lied to and used.......... well, they agreed to a mutual sexual intimacy but were in fact used as a receptacle... I can understand the anger. I have never, ever 'cried rape' by the way before somebody jumps on this post but I can understand the anger and humiliation that might motivate it and I think some young men who find themselves accused of rape probably lied and duped naive types in to having sex. So as the mother of a son I will in ten years time make it clear to him that he shouldn't lead women to believe he feels more for them than he does.

Hesterton Sun 02-Dec-12 17:57:26

I think most young men who find themselves accused of rape are rapists.

Kalisi Sun 02-Dec-12 17:58:53

Wow! Mu1berries That's a very >ahem< brave post! hmm

Pinkforever Sun 02-Dec-12 18:01:20

Hesterton are you for real?-so everyone who is accused of rape is automatically guilty in your eyes? wow.

waltermittymistletoe Sun 02-Dec-12 18:01:58

Wtf??

Hesterton Sun 02-Dec-12 18:03:13

MOST not all, but I think false accusations are rare, really I do.

SirBoobAlot Sun 02-Dec-12 18:03:40

ExPs mother was amazing, and entirely on my side with the split. She was obviously supportive of him, but she is still ashamed of how he treated me. Her support was wonderful. I don't know if I could have ended it without her on side, actually (my parents still don't know he was violent towards me). We get on brilliantly, talk at least once a week on the phone, and regularly arrange days out without DS. I'm very lucky.

Mu1berries Sun 02-Dec-12 18:05:01

yes Hesterton, they are rare, most women who realise they've been wanked into just suck it up so to speak. they live and learn.

OkayHazel Sun 02-Dec-12 18:07:03

Trust me, the things my abusive ex did to me, he will NOT have told his mum.

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