Mumsnet Talk

I think I understand what you're saying. You believe your friend is 'getting out' of some of the hard work of parenting by using the 'but I'm young' excuse, when in actual fact, 21 is a perfectly acceptable age to have a baby; it's no easier and no more difficult than if she was a few years older. Is that right?

15 years ago in London, first time mothers over 28 were 'elderly primigravida'

I'm 24 and ds is 18 months. I don't consider myself a young mum, I think I'm just a mum but I do notice some looks off of older people and some snippy comments on the bus but I just glare.

However, my Gran had the opposite reaction and said... 'Aye, just be watching, you'll be classed as an older mother now with all these 12 year olds having babies!' I still don't know what I was meant to be watching for exactly. She was married at 18 though.

I was 20 and was never considered a young mum where I lived, even though most mum's were in their mid thirties.

I know some mum's who love nothing more than having a night out/going on holidays without children etc... Who are not young, it's the excuse that parenting is hard when they only parent monday-Friday.

I had DS at 34.5. I thought I was an old mum then. Now I'm 52 I look back and think I was a young mum.

You are a young mum and that's a compliment. I'd love to be a young mum but I never was and never shall be again. My DC are 18 and 14 and believe me if I were 39 rather than 52 and I would be sooooooooooo pleased to be a young mum.

Of course 21 is a young mum! "Young mum" shouldn't have the negative connotations that it seems to have. I consider a teenage mother an underage mum, not a young mum.

I had DDs at 29 & 33 and got called a 'young mum' several times. But when you get to a certain age, anyone who is a mum with young children seems 'young'.

I know I'm a young Mum, I have been judged for it, but I don't care, at 21 I had a 18mo and 3yo, my own house, car and fiance, I still have all of those and I'm expecting dc3, I'm 24 now. I find now the dc are older people see past my age a lot more.

I can't stand this entitlement to act a certain way due to age, if your a parent, act like one whether your 16 or 60, yes we all need free time but not holidays alone and boozy nights out, well imo anyway.

I was 19 when I had DS (who is a teenager now) and I definitely considered myself as a young mum! But blisterpack is right, you should be reclaiming the title and not allow it to carry negative connotations. When others observed me with DS, they were always impressed by my parenting - I think my energy levels and being closer to his generation really helped with that, especially as he got older.

I do get a bit when others make throwaway comments that anyone under a certain age can't be responsible enough to be a good parent. It has very little to do with age ime.

Is it maybe that you are living with your parents and people presume that they are financially supporting you?

I would class 21 as a young mum too, of course its young.

I had DD 12 days before my 21st, I never really came across any 'young mum' comments except from my own mother! I'm pregnant with number 2 now which is due a month before my 26th birthday and I feel ancient! Mainly because time seems to go so quickly when you have a LO and every birthday my DD has makes me feel even older!

However, looking back 21 seems really young to me now!

I think it is all about attitude. One of the mums at school had her first at 18, but she is a grown up, still with her partner, and I don't think of her as young until I start talking about school, and realise how she remembers it so much better than me (but I am nearly twice her age!)

Your friend who goes out clubbing does sound young, and too immature to have a child (IMHO).

My SIL was 26 when she had her first child, and was told that she was an old mother by the hospital. Her DD is 28 now.

Yes, I would consider you to be young at 21. There is another thread on here somewhere about someone who has just found out she is pregnant at 45.

I wouldn't waste sleep over it. Who cares anyway?

Oh and your friend sounds like she's using the 'young mum' thing as an excuse to go out on the piss and forget her responsibilities.

When my mum had my eldest sister she was 19 and considered quite old to be having her first. When she had me she was 33 and told she was far too old to have another, even if it was number 5. People always have opinions. Mostly they don't matter.

I suppose it is the negative connotations that it carries, that in the case of a 'young mum' or 'old mum' young or old = incompetent. And yes my friends behaviour is only supporting that and it does piss me off.

My aunt had her first at 40. That was when she met her DP and settled down and she gets countless comments about it. I wonder what the cut off point is from young mum, to just a mum, to an old mum!

Where I grew up, it's quite normal to get pregnant in one's teens - many of my schoolfriends were engaged or had children by 19 or so. So there, 21 wouldn't seem particularly young. My sister had her first the day before she turned 20, and her last at 25. Where I live now, a bit of a naice area, that would be considered pretty young. It depends where you are, I think, and what order you decide to do things in.

My mum had me at 36 and was considered very much an 'old mum' at the time - she was offered a whole battalion for tests for birth defects (which she refused).

Dude I'm in the same boat as you. 19 when had DC1, didn't feel young at all. Was 27 when DC3 came along and felt very old.
Now have a nephew who is 22, nieces 21 and 19 and think they would be very young parents. All are at Uni and living the student dream I guess, in my eyes I still see them as children!
OP, in answer to your question, I don't believe there's a universally acceptable age to just 'be a mum', it's a role I think you settle in to in your own time.
Enjoy it though, cos it sure goes fast!

I think at 21 you are a young mum,but not in a bad way at all,just as you say,you are young and you are a mum.. I'm 24 so don't think it's an incredbily young age to have a child. I hopefully will have a child by 25/26/27 and I would still consider myself at those ages to be young,or rather younger,than the "average" mum age because that's apparently 31/32.

Before the age of 20 people would refer to you as a "teen mum",frequently in a negative tone.

I'm 35 and at the top end of the range at toddler groups here.

I was 21 when I had my first, and I felt like a young Mum. I was the youngest by about 10 years in my ante natal class, and I felt like I was the youngest Mum around right up until my oldest was at Junior School. Then it seemed like there were a few more young Mums around, but now he is at secondary school I feel like I'm by far the youngest again!

It's not a problem now, but when I was still quite young I felt judged for it. Even though most people were lovely, I wasn't particularly confident so I think I felt worse than the reality iyswim.

I'm 23, ds is 4 and I had him the month before I was 19. I do consider myself a young mum, I live at home and am the only of my friends to have a child. We've all been through uni and the last thing on my friend's minds is having any dc for another 10 years!

I feel like I have to 'prove' myself to everyone - look at me I can be successful even though you all thought my life was over when I got pregnant. I find I don't really 'fit' in with the other 'young mums' either. I only really mix with 2 other people with children and wouldn't say we are friends it's more for the children's sake.

But I honestly wouldn't change a thing - apart from his father, if I could swap who I had ds with I would

I would definitely consider you a young mum, but thats not a bad thing!

I became a mum at 23 and considered myself young. Looked far younger too. People often thought I was the nanny when out with dc.