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To want to punch people who say - "cheer up love, it might never happen"

(121 Posts)
dawsonjunior Fri 30-Nov-12 03:19:29

Have an afternoon off with a friend, go to costa. I save a table whilst she ordered drinks.
Quite a queue so I was waiting, having a little think about life. When the man on the table next to me says - cheer up love, might never happen.

I must have given him quite the dirty look because he did apologise BUT it's such an insensitive comment for a stranger to make. For all he know I could have been told I had a week to live.

Wish people would keep their bloody comments to themselves.

CheshireDing Sun 02-Dec-12 08:02:35

YANBU.

I used to think it was just me, as a teenager I felt like I got it all the time "give us a smile" "it might never happen". Obviously as a teenager I would never have told them to fuck off. I don't think I look miserable, just normal.

Now I would but now it doesn't happen. Which does make me think they were just sort of picking on me because I was a young girl (yes they were always men).

The people with you always seem to think it's funny too, it's not bloody funny. If someone says this to PFB when she is older and I am with her I will tell them to fuck off on her behalf grin

altinkum Sun 02-Dec-12 08:04:48

It doesn't bother me, I've had it said numerous time on a bereavement/hospital attendance etc...

People just see sad person and want to put even a small hint if a smile on their face, its not something I would say to someone, but I wouldn't be offended by it.

helpyourself Sun 02-Dec-12 08:06:06

I can't smile at the moment- stitches in my mouth- and I'm noticing that the world is such an unfriendly place! --when you're wandering riund looking hostile--Agree with the posters who've identified it as an older male thing. sad

Yarg Sun 02-Dec-12 08:08:33

Really, altinkum? You really think it's about people (men) wanting other people (women younger than they are) to be happy? Would you say it to someone who looked unhappy? If not, why not?

helpyourself Sun 02-Dec-12 08:09:26

I don't think it's about trying to put a smile on someone's face altink; it's not hard to say something a bit more uplifting- its an aggressive 'you moody cow!' comment.

PerryCombover Sun 02-Dec-12 08:09:56

Yabu

Perhaps he thought saying something to you was better than saying nothing. Maybe he thought you looked vacant and miserable and was a bit concerned.
Maybe he ordinarily makes small talk and this was the form it took with you.

He was hardly offensive. I also don't think this is a sexist thing to say. Clunking and from a different century maybe but on the range of normal.

WMittens Sun 02-Dec-12 08:38:44

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

LynetteScavo England Sun 02-Dec-12 08:49:00

It's rude and intrusive.

And yes it's always blokes of a certain age.

YAnBU

ipswichwitch Sun 02-Dec-12 09:11:43

I don't see why they feel the need to say those particular words though. Generally speaking, if someone looks miserable its for a good reason, so do they honestly think that coming out with something so trite and patronising is gonna make it all better? It's up there with the whole "everything happens for a reason" bollocks. If someone really wanted to commiserate with me I'd rather they said "yeah life is shit sometimes". Would make me feel that bit better that someone is taking my problem seriously not just trying to minimise, avoid and sweep it all under the rug

Lottapianos Sun 02-Dec-12 11:21:18

They also never ever say it if you're with another man, only if you're by yourself. And has anyone ever felt genuinely cheered up and happier for hearing one of these comments? I have only felt angry and humiliated.

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird Sun 02-Dec-12 11:59:24

Some bloke said it to me when I was leaving the hospital after seeing my gran. She had a recurrence of breast cancer. I said "it already has" and he just ran away. You're right it is always older men saying it to young women.

BalthierBunansa Sun 02-Dec-12 12:08:49

YANBU. Or my other personal favourite, "Smile, love!". WHY do strangers think it's okay to intrude in other people's lives and give them directions? Did I ask you?

FastidiaBlueberry Sun 02-Dec-12 12:18:12

It's a power thing.

It's men reminding women that they have no right to go about their business without a male owner, unintruded upon.

It's always men who say it, always to women, never to other men.

It's a proof of misogyny.

secondaura.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/why-telling-women-to-smile-is-sexist.html

Oh and if you challenge them on it - you say something like "I don't want to smile, thanks" they start swearing at you for daring to challenge their authority to tell you how to look in public.

SinisterBuggyMonth Sun 02-Dec-12 12:34:24

YANBU at all! Its bloody rude.

SinisterBuggyMonth Sun 02-Dec-12 12:36:14

I am shocked at the amount of people who say this in or near a hospital. Twats.

thejubjubbird Sun 02-Dec-12 12:51:41

No, we don't think the world revolves around us, missingmum. I don't really understand your logic, there - but perhaps its your semi-literate post.

And yes, it's always men saying this to women. Men who think their need to interact trumps our need to go about our day unmolested.

freddiefrog Sun 02-Dec-12 12:57:01

YANBU

We were on our way to my grandmother's funeral a couple of years ago, when we stopped at a petrol station. I got out, all dressed in black, to fill up, while DH, dressed in a black suit with a black tie went into the shop to pay, when a group of lads in a builders van decided to hang out the window to tell me to 'cheer up love, it might never happen'

I just said 'it already has' and continued to fill up the car and got a gob full from them in response. Silty lid arseholes

FastidiaBlueberry Sun 02-Dec-12 13:05:34

I think missingmum sounds like a very entitled man.

The idea that a woman might want to go about her lawful business without having her time and space intruded upon, makes her incredibly selfish and entitled in his eyes and believing that the world revolves around her.

Because doesn't she know that she's been put on earth to pander to his needs and convenience? Who the fuck does she think she is, expecting to have a life? Whereas a man who interrupts her life, is not thinking the world revolves around him, oh no.

Meh

Euphemia France Sun 02-Dec-12 13:13:38

DH tells me men say these things to women because they think you look nice and they want to instigate contact with you, but they're total klutzes at it!

I'm a bit hmm about that - I think they're just misogynistic pricks.

FeijoaVodkaAndCheezels Sun 02-Dec-12 13:41:31

It's not always men who say this.

I've had it said to me by a friend who is female and the same age. And as life was going from shit to shitter at the time it was a very badly timed thing to say. I just ignored her (somehow).

YANBU

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles Sun 02-Dec-12 14:18:43

Everything happens for a reason.

Yes, as a disabled person in pain right now, I really like to hear that one.

It doesn't turn me into an angry troll who wants to jump on their heads screaming incomprehensible Trollish and the run off back under my little bridge muttering and twitching.

Rargh!

GreenEggsAndNichts Sun 02-Dec-12 14:22:27

Okay, I realise it's along the lines of telling a stranger to smile (which I hate). Is it just another way of doing that? Or what is the inference there? I've been living in the UK 6 years, but am not originally from here, and these are the sort of turns of phrase that make me head tilt.

Absolutely agree, btw, that this sort of "cheer up little lady" crap does not have an equivalent which is said to men.

GhostShip Sun 02-Dec-12 14:25:59

I absolutely hate it.

I was once walking home, I'd just had a phonecall saying my nan had died. Some fella said 'cheer up lv, it might never happen' then had a good smug chuckle to his fucking bezzie pal.

I dont know how I held my anger back. I felt like ripping his face off.

ISayHolmes Sun 02-Dec-12 14:29:09

I had this said to me a lot during a very dark period in my life, when I was suicidal and felt like giving up entirely. And not once did it make me feel better. It isn't designed to. It just made me feel sadder and ashamed, and wary as well.

It's not my job to look cheerful for anyone. Fuck off.

AmIthatTinselly Sun 02-Dec-12 14:43:45

Am absolutely hmm that a couple of posters actually think that people saying this are being nice, or trying to cheer you up.

I honestly cannot believe that anyone has the right to tell you to cheer up, or smile.

Really. I have the kind of face that in repose looks miserable, doesn't mean I am miserable though.

One arsehole at work said it to me, and I responded <thanks MN> "Do you mean to be so rude. How do you know it hasn't already happened". Which I kind of ruined by adding "twat" on the end.

It's not nice, it's not kind, it is knobbery of the highest order. Rude and ignorant actually. Why pass remarks on other's appearance angry

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