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To want to punch people who say - "cheer up love, it might never happen"

(121 Posts)
dawsonjunior Fri 30-Nov-12 03:19:29

Have an afternoon off with a friend, go to costa. I save a table whilst she ordered drinks.
Quite a queue so I was waiting, having a little think about life. When the man on the table next to me says - cheer up love, might never happen.

I must have given him quite the dirty look because he did apologise BUT it's such an insensitive comment for a stranger to make. For all he know I could have been told I had a week to live.

Wish people would keep their bloody comments to themselves.

Lottapianos Fri 30-Nov-12 08:24:21

YANBU. It's always men, the sort of man who thinks women only exist for his viewing pleasure and couldn't possibly have a real life and thoughts of their own. Twits.

I always pull people (yes, usually older men) up on it. I tell them it's a very imapproporiate thing to say to anyone and ask them how they can possibly know that something awful hasn't just happened. They usually get all defensive but tough shit!

exoticfruits Fri 30-Nov-12 08:28:49

It was a man who said it to me- a market stall holder. I wasn't even buying anything- just walking past.

reddaisy Fri 30-Nov-12 08:31:34

I hate this too. Someone said it to me when I was a teenager, I was walking home after my DM had rung me at work to say three friends had died in a car accident. A man said it to me too. I was too shocked by everything at the time to say anything.

cory Fri 30-Nov-12 09:12:22

YAdefNBU and I'd go for it.

The conversation would go something like this:

Obnxious man: Cheer up, love, it may never happen.

<PUNCH>

OP: Oh dear, I see it already has. That's a nasty black eye you've got.

ike1 Fri 30-Nov-12 09:16:56

YANBU when I was 16yrs old I went for a walk to escape from the house where my mother was having a mental health assessment to be setioned for Psychosis tears were falling down my face. An old git said precisely that to me. Will always remember it as I felt I had to force a smile just to keep HIM happy!

ike1 Fri 30-Nov-12 09:18:56

I see you had the same builders bum treatment too Reddaisy-utter idiotic crap!

Softlysoftly Fri 30-Nov-12 09:27:56

It goes alongside the "give us a smile love".

Irritating

Can't believe people have had this said to them in the hospital shock

MissMogwi Fri 30-Nov-12 09:28:05

YANBU. It really pisses me off.

Are we supposed to walk around beaming all the time?

I think Lottapianos has it; that it's the kind of blokes who don't see women as real people.

In my experience, it has definitely been blokes saying it to women. I can't recall any bloke who's said someone said this comment to him. It's always been blokes saying it to me, or female friends telling me a bloke has said it to them.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 30-Nov-12 09:30:14

Exactly lottapianos, it's the over-the-hill man's version of the public leer. All about seeing women as public property, put there to provide decoration and entertainment.

YANBU. They're fucking cunts. I've had this said to me when my dad died and when we thought my best friend was dying. I explained (loudly) both times why they were such idiots. Hopefully they stopped doing it after that, but I doubt it...

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 30-Nov-12 09:34:37

YANBU. I don't have a naturally happy face when it's at rest. I get it all the time. I've been saying "it already has" in the most miserable tone of voice I can summon for years now.

PessaryPam Fri 30-Nov-12 09:45:56

The last time this was said to me I just replied that I had just found out my Mum had cancer which was true. I hope it stopped them from doing it in future.

gloomywinters2 Fri 30-Nov-12 09:46:44

yanbu thank god i,m not the only one i get this all the time or smile i,m sorry i cant change my face or my thoughts on how i,m feeling to suit you,>and breath<

joanofarchitrave Sat 01-Dec-12 21:48:58

susan hill is an author, she usually writes fiction but wrote a nonfiction book called Family and that story is in it.

'I felt I had to force a smile just to keep HIM happy!' - exactly. I do wonder what goes through people's heads when they say these things. I barely say hello without wondering how the person I am saying it to will feel about it.

AnnaRack Sat 01-Dec-12 22:51:55

Yanbu. None of their business. Wish i had the courage to say, 'But it already has....'

gail734 Sat 01-Dec-12 22:58:09

A friend of mine lost his dad when he was a teenager. As he and his mum drove out of the hospital car park, the attendant (in a hospital car park!) said this to them. Anyone who uses this expression is as thick as mince, as we say in Scotland.

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles Sat 01-Dec-12 23:00:23

I just tell 'em the truth. I'm in constant pain from arthritis and kidney disease and that this isn't my sad face it's my sore face. They usually look pretty contrite, then whenever I see them again they ask me how I am.

missingmumxox Sun 02-Dec-12 01:01:40

or should you get another skin? I was asked this when I was buying the stuff for my Mums funeral, I was 27, and the lady at the till said it, I wanted to rage at her, and again when I missed my baby.
but actually the other thousand times in my life it had been said to me with what "I like to think witty retort", cancelled it out, I hope I wouldn't make someone who was only trying to be nice feel like a piece of shit for doing so.
if everyone wanted the world to revolve round them ,n people tippy toeing round the fact that any one they speak to could have had a tragic thing happen before they open their mouth, well sorry! not my world,
you all answer like the poor person talking to you was trying to make you feel like crap....NO! you are not the centre of the universe, they where just doing their job and where not picking you out to offend, grow up, and get on with your grief in the way most others do in private and not think the rest of the world should grieve with us just in case...what a miserable world that would be if everybody did.

dawsonjunior Sun 02-Dec-12 01:29:18

missingmumwow are you for real?

I don't tip toe around strangers just because they might have had something tragic happen to them. But I would never say such an insensitive thing either.

They were just doing their job? The man who said it to me was a total stranger sat next to me in a cafe. He wasn't doing a job.

People should grieve in private? You are one sad cold hearted bitch.

F you and the horse you rode in on.

LoopsInHoops Sun 02-Dec-12 02:02:35

I'm struggling to read that poorly written post by missingmumwow, but if my translation is correct, I think it must be someone who is trying purposefully to offend, so just ignore it (it might go away)

exoticfruits Sun 02-Dec-12 07:47:43

I think that you just have to allow for the fact that she has a complete misunderstanding of the thread and pay no attention.

Yarg Sun 02-Dec-12 07:53:42

Interesting that missingmumwow is the only poster who claims this was said to her by a woman.

Because in my experience it is always men who say it.

Why? Because, as others have said, it is a subtle yet unmistakably indication of a misogynist attitude.

I seldom get it these days. But when I do, I tell my interlocuter to Fuck Off. I've no patience with it any more.

Yarg Sun 02-Dec-12 07:57:59

Drive me insane, this sort of sexist crap.

Would the man who says it to you, say it to a man walking past? 'Cheer up mate, it might never happen'.

Would a woman say it to a man?

Men who say this to passing women are always complete twats.

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