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To want my MIL to take this photo off her Facebook?

(114 Posts)
DancingLola Fri 23-Nov-12 21:27:10

Sorry,a joint FB/MIL whinge coming up!

I just logged on to FB to find my MIL has uploaded a photo of DS in the bath on her profile, and has made it her profile pic. He's lying on his front covered in bubbles & you can quite clearly see his bum. Aibu to not be happy about the photo being public? I'm not one of these people who thinks there are peadophiles lurking everywhere, and I don't mind her putting up photos of him normally (as long he's wearing clothes!) but I have no idea who she's friends with on FB & want her to delete it!

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 24-Nov-12 12:49:58

It's a valid point but most people who have photos are going to be friends or family it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask them to remove them or not put them up.

NairyHipples Sat 24-Nov-12 12:37:31

Neither would I add pix of other peoples children, my point is it's impossible to stop other people doing it unless you send your kids out in public with a bag over their heads

pingu2209 Sat 24-Nov-12 12:34:22

YANBU

I have photos of my children on Facebook but I know plenty of people who are strongly against their children on Facebook at all - let alone in the buff.

I have been asked by family and friends to remove their childrens' photos and have done so without attitude. It is their children and their choice. In fact, I was quite embarrased that I had made such a mistake by adding someone else's child/ren without asking first.

Just ask her politely and don't be worried about asking. If she gets shirty then she has the problem, not you.

cashmere Sat 24-Nov-12 12:26:03

I wouldn't be happy with this.
I put photos of my own DS on FB but I'm not always happy with the ones my Mum/MIL/other family members put up. MIL has a habit of taking photos with me in without mentioning she is doing it. She gets some incredibly unflattering ones this way and it upset me when DS was tiny and I often looked a mess anyway to log in and find awaful pics. My sis added a video of DS to her FB page and I did think she should have checked 1st too.
However, its not worth making a fuss generally as they are just to 'show their friends' and I know it's as they are proud

If they put a photo on of my child undressed I would expect them to check. I also think it's inappropriate to make it a profile pic. In this case I'd ask her to remove it.

CrazyChristmasLady Sat 24-Nov-12 12:17:10

Sorry, just seen that its been sorted. smile

CrazyChristmasLady Sat 24-Nov-12 12:15:53

YANBU.

I don't like people putting photos of my DC on facebook, I don't like them using them as their profile pictures either.

It doesn't matter what others say, YOU don't like it so get her to take it down.

crunchernumber Sat 24-Nov-12 12:10:53

I always ask someone if they mind me putting pictures of their children on FB.

It's just manners.

I would ask her nicely to take it down. No need to get hysterical about paedos but it is a private photograph which you do not want published.

Completely reasonable.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 24-Nov-12 12:05:32

I expect you would ask them nicely to remove it

NairyHipples Sat 24-Nov-12 11:27:40

Am confused at the comments "I don't allow photos of my children on the internet".

Eg - your child comes to my child's party. I (or another adult) takes photos and uploads onto FB. How would you know they were there? And if you did find them, how would you go about getting them removed?

Btw OP, you were NBU and I'm pleased it's been resolved smile

Ilovecake1 Sat 24-Nov-12 10:57:01

Glad you got that sorted.....I would never allow a private photo of my children online for all to see!

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 24-Nov-12 10:56:36

Glad it's sorted op, and nicely without falling out.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 24-Nov-12 10:54:05

Where does it say the op has it online or in the public domain?

And why is it different because its not the op? It's the ops child the op has at minimum 50% of the legal responsabilities to protect her child from harm or distress.

I should declare the reason for my insistence about this, about a year ago it was bought to my attention that certain photos of me had been posted on line along with one photo of dc taken when he was about 7 or 8 and sleeping naked minus duvet ( a photo dc thought was funny and had no problem with it as long as it was private)

My ex ended up with additional convictions one relating to the child photo at his hearing the judge said it was a huge breach of trust that he should have known was unacceptable especially with regard to dc's photo that even with feeling the way he obviously did about me he was a trusted adult in my children's life and by breaching the trust of 1 of them had let them all down.

The cps then added another injunction against him ( already have a long term one to keep him away from me) to keep him compleatly away from my kids.

( the cps,police basicly everyone involved with anything to do with him have been amazing cant fault them at all)

Blu Sat 24-Nov-12 10:48:18

Glad it's resolved, OP.

DancingLola Sat 24-Nov-12 10:45:23

Thought I'd pop back on quickly to update...

DH managed to speak to MIL this morning & she's now removed the photo. She said she didn't realise her profile was public, but had wondered how friends of her friends had manage to comment on the pic hmm Anyway, all sorted & no major grudges being held as far as I can tell!

BIWI - It was my MIL, not mother who put the photo up and I only mentioned her age in connection to psychomum5's comment about her generation. I don't consider early 50s to be old. Honestly, she's not internet savvy & she mainly uses FB to play games, so hasn't looked at the privacy settings. I don't have these photos online myself, as I said in an earlier post, I've got a few in a private album, but DS is fully clothed in them. This is a photo that she took & posted, not one of mine that she has shared/copied. When I'm a grandparent I hope that I'd follow the lead of my GC's parents as far as photos online go. I don't think my grandparents have any photos of me naked as a child, but I'm pretty sure my parents have a few in an album somewhere smile

shesariver Sat 24-Nov-12 10:43:49

GlitKnit Guess you missed the word FACEBOOK in the title then? hmm People can post what they like here, no-one is forced to read or "endure" anything.

Iheartpasties Sat 24-Nov-12 10:42:04

I would be silently fuming if my MIL did this, and you are of course doing the right thing (your dh asking nicely for it to be taken down), it's not liek you are banning your MIL from seeing your kids! Just asking nicely that she respects your wishes re: photos on FB. I find it wierd when I see my MIL wit pics of my child as her profile picture, my BIL does it too.

Hmm....I wouldn't be happy, but then my dm has about 30 thousand friends she doesn't know from Adam that just happen to play farmville or whatever the current fad is.

I would be a but upset that it is a profile pic though, because profile pics are googleable even once they have been removed.

BIWI Sat 24-Nov-12 10:30:12

But it's not about a photo of the OP at that age is it? And it's about a photo that the OP already has online.

AThingInYourLife Sat 24-Nov-12 10:28:31

YANBU

I don't mind photos of my children being online, but I do think they are entitled not to have adults they don't know looking at pictures of their bare arses.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 24-Nov-12 10:24:14

When I have grandchildren I would never post a photo of them naked online, and if I did and the parent asked me to remove it I would be suitably sorry for doing it.

If its ok to post naked pictures of 5 year olds is it also ok for 10 yo 15 or 20?

Would it be ok for my mum to put up a naked photo of me now? It would be a criminal offence if she did without consent

Woozley Sat 24-Nov-12 10:15:10

I would ask her to make it "friends only", remove it as a profile pic & if she doesn't know how to do that, just delete it.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 24-Nov-12 10:14:43

glit

Did you not see Facebook in the thread title? You didn't have to click on it. It's clearly a aibu.

Blu Sat 24-Nov-12 10:13:20

YANBU
I hate this lack of respect for anyone's choice about what aspect of their private lives are made public to the big wide world. You don't have to be hysterical about paedos to just want to keep private family moments private family stuff. What are her settings like? Do people realise that if your DS is named / tagged then anyone for years to come who searches his name on Google will see that image on google images? NIce way to launch his first attempts to get a job.

Ask her reasonably and nicely (she almost certainly just didn't think, and was proud).

If that doesn't work put up a pic of her naked in the bath as your profile pic.

GreenBeer Sat 24-Nov-12 10:12:18

YANBU I would be pissed off and be asking MIL to take it down. We live in another country from both sides of our family so we send them pics by whatsapp so they can see DD and the SIL and MIL started posting these on FB so I asked DH to speak to them.

My family have never done this (as they know me well enough to know that if I wanted them on FB I would put them there myself!) but if they did, I would tell them to remove also. So its not a 'me v the in-laws' comment.

ByTheWay1 Sat 24-Nov-12 10:11:44

So it is wrong for men to oggle pictures of naked 5 year olds on the internet, but not wrong for OPs MIL to post naked pictures of a 5 year old hmm....

The child is naked..... ask MIL if you can change your profile pic to one her naked in the bath covered in bubbles except for HER bum - see how she would like it...

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