to have called this guy a fucking...

(89 Posts)
goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 01:13:43

nonce?
My daughter who just turned 14 left her fb open as she does, and there was this conversation with a 23 year old, all kissy kissy and hearts and hugs. In fairness to him at one point in the conversation he had said there was too much of an 'age gap' but the conversation had continued the next day in the same vein.
OK so on a bit of an adrenaline rush I closed her FB and opened mine (that I use for business) found him, and sent a message telling him to 'defriend her or I would report him' all very adult - then my angry fingers and adrenalin took over and I sent another message calling him a 'fuckin nonce' and that his tracksuit reminded me of Savile......was that unreasonable?

RyleDup Fri 23-Nov-12 09:53:44

Sounds as though you have a good relationship with your dd op, which is very fortunate.

Sallyingforth Fri 23-Nov-12 10:25:39

Yes you are obviously doing well with your daughter. Good for you and her.
FB makes it far too easy for predators to contact young victims.

differentnameforthis Fri 23-Nov-12 13:47:54

You need to friend her

Friending her on fb does nothing. You can stop people from seeing your posts & if kids don't want mum/dad etc to see what they are posting, they hide it from that person.

You need complete open access. Passwords & for her to only use sites likes this when around you so you can see what she is up to. Luckily, she left her facebook open, bout what of she hadn't? This could have gone on for months before you noticed.

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 13:53:55

I know.
Scary isn't it?
I am going to lay down a few rules when she gets in, but not to alienate her.
I think she knows I am just protecting her.
The guy is on fb right now and is shitting himself, apologising and stuff.
Apparently he has been doing it to at least 2 other girls of the same age.
what should I do?

lljkk Fri 23-Nov-12 13:56:23

How do you know for sure that he is 23?
Coz you can't rely on FB birthdate info, can you?

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 14:00:54

because he attended the local school and graduated from there in 2006 and then attended the local uni, it's all on his 'timeline' with too much verisimilitude to be invented. (been dying to use that word for years)

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 14:01:19

oops also I checked with someone who knows him. It's a small town.

complexnumber Fri 23-Nov-12 14:01:47

I'm sorry, I'm not particularly familiar with fb.

How do you know he is 23?

If he is the age that he stated, and he is not pretending to be anyone else, how is he commiting a crime?

complex
He is chatting up a girl he knows to be under the age of consent. Its questionable behaviour at least and depending on what he has been saying it could be worse.

goralka
I would print out a copy of the conversation with your DD and ring the non-emergency police number and discuss it with them.

NairyHipples Fri 23-Nov-12 14:07:02

Agree with Chaz

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 14:07:03

actaully I just found it is four girls....feeling a bit sick

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 14:07:37

complex it is all kisses and hugs and 'have you got a bf'

EldritchCleavage Fri 23-Nov-12 16:22:55

He's definitely trawling for a 14 year old girlfriend. Which makes him thoroughly unsavoury and certainly worth reporting to the police.

waltermittymistletoe Fri 23-Nov-12 16:30:17

What do you mean what should you do?

You have found your daughter being groomed and know that he's doing it to other girls. What do you think you should do? Phone the police and report him.

HecatePropylaea Fri 23-Nov-12 16:31:44

You don't know?

You should contact the police and report it. They will decide what appropriate action to take.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Fri 23-Nov-12 16:35:16
LadyFlumpalot Fri 23-Nov-12 16:37:41

OP, call the non emergency number and tell them your concerns. I would not mention the other girls, unless you have clear evidence, not just hearsay.

So much of this goes on, I work with a woman whose 14 year old daughter had a 24 year old "boyfriend". After he viciously dumped her, he went on to a 13 year old...

Even if it isn't done with sexual intent in mind, any 23 year old that is willingly engaging a 14 year old stranger in flirty conversation is not right.

thebody Fri 23-Nov-12 16:37:54

Sounds like your dd is a sensible girl but thank goodness you saw this.

My dd is 13 and I would have been sorely tempted to rip his fucking head off but much better, go to the police with a copy of the conversation and that he has been chatting to other young girls.

You handled it well but don't let him get away with it.

LadyFlumpalot Fri 23-Nov-12 16:39:09

To clarify - my colleague got the police and social services involved. That's why her daughter was dumped by this "boyfriend" who moves onto a younger girl who's parents didn't seem to mind.

AllYoursBabooshka Fri 23-Nov-12 16:42:39

Can you take some screen shot screen shots quickly?

Ring the police, honestly they really encourage you to do so in these situations.

It doesn't need to be out right sexual messages, what he is doing is called grooming and is taken very seriously.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Fri 23-Nov-12 16:43:24

I am not going to tell you you are being unreasonable. I have a daughter who is still far too young for FB and stuff like that. But the idea of her being groomed and abused is one of my biggest fears for her.*

*I am NOT saying that this man has done anything at all btw. Just that I understand (to a certain degree) why you feel that way.

specialsubject Fri 23-Nov-12 16:45:40

time to teach her some facebook sense, too - NO personal details should be visible at all to ANYONE. Facebook does ask for birthdate but it can be hidden, it should not be given any other personal details at all. Help her to go through deleting anything else she has put on, and making sure posts etc are only visible to friends.

and remind her that 'friends' are people she actually knows, in person.

and yes, no normal 23-year-old would find a 14-year-old interesting. Dodgy to say the least.

AllYoursBabooshka Fri 23-Nov-12 16:46:25

Sorry forgot to add "As others have pointed out".

SackGirl Fri 23-Nov-12 16:47:15

To be honest, people saying you're unreasonable aren't being empathetic to the situation, if someone of that age was chatting up a child of mine when they were only 14 I don't really know how any parent could contain themselves... Its not like he thought she was older than she is, he knew what he was doing was wrong and should have acted like a responsible adult... Because he didn't act responsibly he deserves any names you throw at him. How grotesque!

CSIJanner Fri 23-Nov-12 17:03:09

I've given this advice before. Take print outs and copies of everything. If you think hes actively grooming, do not go to the non-emergency police. Contact CEOP. It's their job and they'll be able to deal with it far quicker and without any cock ups. Call them them now if needs be as they're 24/7. You can even contact them via their FB page. DH works in Comp Security and his dept have close contacts with them.

If you just think he's a silly young man who doesn't know better, then go to the non-emergency police who'll scare the silly boy even further. HTH!

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