to have called this guy a fucking...

(89 Posts)
goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 01:13:43

nonce?
My daughter who just turned 14 left her fb open as she does, and there was this conversation with a 23 year old, all kissy kissy and hearts and hugs. In fairness to him at one point in the conversation he had said there was too much of an 'age gap' but the conversation had continued the next day in the same vein.
OK so on a bit of an adrenaline rush I closed her FB and opened mine (that I use for business) found him, and sent a message telling him to 'defriend her or I would report him' all very adult - then my angry fingers and adrenalin took over and I sent another message calling him a 'fuckin nonce' and that his tracksuit reminded me of Savile......was that unreasonable?

nokidshere Fri 23-Nov-12 01:16:17

yes

ChippingInLovesAutumn Fri 23-Nov-12 01:16:26

The first message was good, the second much less so - but hey, we've all done stupid things when we've been scared by something.

What do you intend to say to your DD re her behaviour?

honeytea Fri 23-Nov-12 01:16:31

Does your daughter's fb have her correct date of birth on? If so you shouldreport him to the police, he is a danger to all young girls not just your daughter.

RyleDup Fri 23-Nov-12 01:18:28

A little unreasonable. But I understand why.

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 01:18:40

hmm thats what I thought too - the second message was a bit stupid but I was quite shaken - he knows exactly how old she is, there was a conversation about birthdays. I know where he works and who he hangs around with.

MordecaiAndTheRigbys Fri 23-Nov-12 01:20:32

Op, if this is true, why didn't you report him???

RyleDup Fri 23-Nov-12 01:21:01

Wait and see what happens next. Your dd is only 14. But try not to alienate her otherwise it will be hard to keep tabs on whats going on.

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 01:23:24

well it only happened about 5 minutes ago....I am still waiting for my heart rate to return to normal. Of course it is true, why would I make it up, not my idea of fun, trust me.
That's right ryledup have to be careful.

RyleDup Fri 23-Nov-12 01:28:01

You do. I remember what I was like at that age. My poor mother. Obviously in retrospect my mother was right.
I only have young children, so I'm not in your place at the moment, but I'm thinking that maybe it would be a good idea to be honest with your dd and tell her why you did what you did. Just to keep the communication open really and see if theres anything else worrying her that she feels the need to get into this type of conversation with much older men.

TalesFromTheCryptoFascist Fri 23-Nov-12 01:29:05

Agree with previous poster, you should report him to the police for inappropriate contact with a minor. Let them deal with him. If he's talking to other young girls he will be dealt with properly

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 01:34:23

He asked if he was turning 15 and she said no 14....he looks like muso type with a fucking goatee beard - some young guys think 14/15 is fair game, don't they? she still sucks her thumb ffs angry

RyleDup Fri 23-Nov-12 01:41:08

They do sometimes think that age is fair game. My friend went out with that type at age 14, she had a difficult background. He was 28. Her parents did nothing. She was with him for 13 years. These days she's so angry that he thought it was ok and that her parents did nothing to stop it. You'll be ok. At least you care enough to do that. See what happens, talk to dd, get her feedback. If this isn't the end of it then speak to the police. Make her understand. You sound like a good mom.

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 01:45:04

ahh thanks ryledup and others for good advice and listening to my rantings....I am off to bed.
xx

RyleDup Fri 23-Nov-12 01:47:54

Night night.

LucieMay Fri 23-Nov-12 02:01:16

Call the police, he is committing an offence.

sparkleyangel Fri 23-Nov-12 05:00:36

agree with LucieMay your daughter is talking to a paedophile

OpheliaPayneAgain Fri 23-Nov-12 06:13:07

Is there anything to report to the police? is the conversation sexually explicit? has he tried to arrange to meet her?

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Fri 23-Nov-12 06:31:43

It's really hard for a girl of that age not to be totally flattered by a proper 'man' taking such an interest, I had loads of mates at school who had boyfriends of 22,23 at 14. Be very careful not to create a romeo and Juliette situation.
He is a definite worry, hopefully your message scared him off, I would have done something similar TBH. Hope it pans out, but definitely keep an eye on her on line, god it's such a mine field isn't it. Good luck.

ErikNorseman Fri 23-Nov-12 06:36:10

Ophelia it doesn't have to be sexually explicit to be grooming.

TheNebulousBoojum Fri 23-Nov-12 06:39:28

Are you FB friends with your DD, or are you relying on her to leave her page open to you? You need to friend her.
YWNBU to warn him off, or to monitor further interactions. She needs to unfriend him.

Valdeeves Fri 23-Nov-12 07:48:11

Yes - he does need reporting. They won't do anything but hopefully you'll bring him to there attention which is important. Did you take a screen shot? You'll need to print off their conversations. Keep an eye on your daughter as if he is a pedo he might not give up.
You need to explain to her why 23 is too old and why isn't he dating girls a similar age - try and get her to see there's something wrong with him.
I might be tempted to tell her form teacher and head of year to ask them to "listen in" - that's when the casual chat goes on - to make sure she isn't seeing him or about to. I know it sounds like an invasion of privacy but you have got to protect her.
As for calling him a nonce etc - the first time I read it I didn't agree, but part of me thinks you need to scare the crap out of him to keep him away.

TheNebulousBoojum Fri 23-Nov-12 07:58:21

'I might be tempted to tell her form teacher and head of year to ask them to "listen in" - that's when the casual chat goes on - to make sure she isn't seeing him or about to. I know it sounds like an invasion of privacy but you have got to protect her. '

How will that work then, is she at boarding school? Most schools block FB and social networking sites.

goralka Fri 23-Nov-12 08:00:42

hmm...well I have spoken to her this morning and she has blocked him and I hopefullly explained why it wasn't appropriate - she blocked him willingly and showed me the full conversation. I was so cross, she has a perfectly nice boyfriend of her own age with whom she has been building a friendship since year 7. I would hesitate to involve school and don't see the point - they do not use fb at school. as for even speaking to her head of year ab0ut this...ergh that woman gives me the creeps......

honeytea Fri 23-Nov-12 09:18:42

I'm glad your DD blocked him.

I really would consider contacting the police, it may be an isolated incident but I highly doubt it. Your DD is lucky that she has you to keep tabs on what she is up to but lots of young girls don't have that sort of support from home and are much more vulnerable to these types of men sad

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