To suggest this way of splitting our finances?

[Autumn12]

My DH and I are about to aquire a mortgage and so it's probably high time we got a joint account. At the moment we split bills roughly 50/50. Once we start paying a mortgage our bills are going to increase quite a bit. So I've been wondering how we should split things to make it fair.

DH earns about 1/3rd more than me, so if we continue to split the bills 50/50 it will mean me having hardly any money to myself once everything is paid, while he will have quite a bit.

One suggestion I had thought of would be to pool all of our money into a joint account to pay bills, and then each of us to then transfer out the same amount each month into our own accounts for us to spend on whatever we like. But is this horribly unfair?

On one hand I think it's probably unfair on DH as he earns more than me yet ends up with the same amount of disposable income. On the other hand I think well we are married and money should be joint.

So AIBU to suggest this or not?

[MaxPepsi]

He earns more, therefore he should pay more.

Many will agree with me, many will disagree.

My DH earns more than me, he therefore pays more into the bill account than I do. He agrees and is happy with this.

We are left with roughly the same amount of 'spending' money in our own accounts.

This might be a good time to go through your outgoings to see if you can actually save anywhere.

[shesariver]

I know everyone works different but there is no way I could go down the "his money" and "my money" route with my DH. We have a joint account, all money gets paid into it and we both have access to it.

[amothersplaceisinthewrong]

I would want a joint account with equal spends transferred out to personal spending accounts. This has worked for us for 25 years, including the ten years I was a SAHM.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

That is how DH and I do it, budget for needs, then equal pocket money for wants. His reaction to this will be telling.

[LittleMidge]

We don't have seperate money, all our pay goes into one account and that is what we have as a family to spend. We trust each other not to be silly with it but don't ask each others permission to buy things either. suits us very well.

[PessaryPam]

I have been married for yonks and we have the one joint account that is tied in with the mortgage so is cost-effective. What is ours is ours, there are no separate bank accounts and it works well for us.

[50BalesOfHay]

We just have our joint account. I earn about 50% more than DH but I don't expect to have more to spend than him. It works for us.

[Autumn12]

OK so nobody seems to think IABU so far, good.

I definitely want our own separate accounts for "spending" money. He doesn't need to know exactly what I spend every penny on or how much I spend in Boots, and he spends way too much money on socialising in the pub and lunches while at work. If we kept all of our finances joint I'd be constantly seething over how much he was spending.

[EuroShagmore]

It's not unreasonable, but there are other ways.

We split the total joint bills roughly in proportion to our incomes, paying a fixed amount each into a joint account every month. Mortgage, bills, food shopping and other joint costs come from that account. Everything else is ours to spend as we like. So I pay more than him but I also end up with a bit more disposable income than he has, which seems fair.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

My OH and I split things proportionally. He earns the better part of 3 times my salary. Not because he has an astronomically large salary, but because I have a low one.

It works for us. Both of us like to have our "own" money.

Plus, it's really hard keeping presents a secret if all the money goes into a joint account.

[CailinDana]

I'm a SAHM and while I do earn a small amount from very part time work, it's only about 1/10 of what DH earns so all money goes into a joint account, bills come out of that, and we spend what we want. There's no "my money, your money" situation. Surely your DH would feel bad if you were left skint at the end of the month while he was rolling in it? I would find that set up really really odd in a relationship.

[Merrow]

We do what you've suggested - keep back the same amount for frivolous spending. I'm the higher earner, and think it's a fair way of doing it. At some point we'll likely move to entirely joint spendings, but at the moment we both like the freedom of not feeling we have to justify a purchase!

[grovel]

We put money into a joint account for bills in proportion to our income. My DH gets to keep more than I do in "his" account - but he tends to pay when we go out etc.
The truth is that most of these variations work if there is enough money coming in to keep both sides reasonably satisfied. No system works so well when money is tight.

[CaliforniaLeaving]

If you are married it's not his money my money, it's Our Money. I think pooling it all in one account and having equal spending money each month is excellent. Dh and I only have joint accounts (after 27 years together) He only likes cash, so I get him his cash each week, I don't usually bother getting any for myself, I rarely need anything. But I pay my gym and Dd's dance from the joint account and get whatever bits I want/need from there too.

[FredFredGeorge]

CaliforniaLeaving Just because you are married, not everything becomes joint - it can do, but it doesn't have to. As grovel says though, it's really all about if there's enough money it doesn't matter, if there's not enough money - it does...

[messtins]

We do what you suggested - both salaries into a joint account that pays all the bills and household expenses and we both get equal "spending money" into seperate accounts. If there is any surplus in the joint account it goes into joint savings. I work part time at the moment so DH earns considerably more than me, but we are both contributing to the smooth running of our family in different ways. I think once you are married their shouldn't be "his" and "mine", except that you need a little freedom to spend money on things the other partner might not approve of or see as necessary, and to buy each other gifts.

[CharlieCoCo]

A percentage of income for Bills etc would be better/more equal, so for e.g. it shouldnt be 50percent of the bills, it should be 50 percent of your income as an example, so if he earns more, he pays more but you are both contributing the same percentage and you both have money for yourself.
Or, you share all your money and not have his or her money. Different strokes for different folks, but i dont think if hes earning 3 times the amount hes paying the same amount on bills as you as that isnt equal.

[Autumn12]

OK it's good to see that I'm not about to suggest something totally cheeky.

There is enough money to cover everything and leave a good amount of disposable income. If we split it equally I will end up having about the same amount that I have now after bills and savings etc. DH would end up with less than he currently has to play with each month. I'm not sure what his reaction will be which is why I wanted to sound it out first.

It's not really been an issue so far as we have been fortunate to have fairly low outgoings for the past few years. They are about to increase substantially. If we continue splitting them all equally I will end up having to severely limit my social life whilst DH will be able to afford to carry on as he does now. So I'm hoping he will think that what I'm suggesting is fair.

[Purple2012]

My husband earns quite a bit more than me and he puts more into joint account and we are left with the same amount of money of our own to spend. Although the money in our joint account is used to feed/clothe/buy presents etc for his daughter.

Also it was my money that paid for the deposit on the house so I have probably put more in than him, but it's always been our money.

My parents also regularly give us gifts of money which goes into joint savings and I have also had savings things that we get pay outs for which has come from my money.

We also help his family out a lot.

Blimey, now I've written that all down he has done well for himself!!!

[Purple2012]

Also, my parents have always had joint money but they have friends who have been married over 40 years that have always had separate so if they go on holiday they pay half each, even if they go out for a meal they split the cost.

[Autumn12]

DH's family are like that, they have their own money and I think they take turns to pay the bills etc, whereas mine are very much of the all money is joint money mind set. So it will be interesting to see how he feels about it.

[cantspel]

Open a household account work out all your bills. He pays 2/3rds and you pay 1/3. Then you each pay that amount into the household account but each keep your personel accounts for your own spends.

[katiecubs]

We pay everything into a joint account then take back a couple of hundred each for personal spending (clothes, going out with friends, presents etc). Works well for us.

[Christelle2207]

We pay about 60% each of our net income into a joint account which then goes to pay for mortgage, bills and also things like regular food shop. We then put a further 20% or so in a joint savings account. So although he pays more, we both pay in the same proportion and have the same proportion left to do what we like. We both get work bonuses though, which we keep to ourselves.

With my ex we split things 50/50 but as he earned (a lot) more than me he would always pay when we went out. I prefer my current system though.

[brimfullofasha]

YANBU. We do exactly that. Wages get paid into a joint account and we pay ourselves a set amount each month. I like this as it means I have disposable income to spend on what I want. I tend to be more frivolous with money than DH whereas he will save up and buy gadgets. It does mean he is slightly worse off and I am slightly better off than before but we are both happy with this arrangement. When LO is born next year we can reduce the amount of money we 'pay' ourselves.