AIBU to be upset at altercation in Morrisons yesterday and still dwelling?(118 Posts)
My first AIBU, eek!
I popped into Morrisons yesterday with DD(3mths). Gave her a big feed in the car, then in we went. She was tired, we had been around town and she had been watching what was going on. Often she will fall asleep in the supermarket. But on this occasion I was halfway round (during which time she had been smiling and gurgling at me) when she decided to scream, which she does sometimes do when overtired. It is a horrible noise. I gave up on doing much in the way of shopping and decided to get just three things, then I realised she wasn't going to settle despite much shushing and talking to her so I decided to grab the one essential (canned dog food - Ddog(12) was having an operation right then, and vet had told me to buy a particular food to give him that night after the op, and for next few days.)
So far so boring, sorry. As DD was screaming and I was whizzing around desperately looking for the dog food, several people made kind smiles or said "oh dear" "is she hungry" etc etc, one chap was with a guy in a wheelchair and made some joke to me that his mate did that too sometimes. I was feeling stressed and harassed and desperate to get back to car to comfort DD or drive home when I knew she would sleep.
The this one woman started asking if DD was ok and should she get some help. I said she is fine thanks just tired but she said DD didn't look fine, I said honestly she is overtired and we are heading home soon. Grabbed my dogfood, went through self-scan (no queue, hurrah) and was relieved to be able to go, when the woman was suddenly there again asking whether DD was ok, am I sure he is ok (thought she was a boy for some reason), he cannot be just tired, he sounds like she has something seriously wrong with him. I said she was fine just tired, she again suggested she get help for me and that DD must be very ill and he does not look well at all, and was being quite aggressive, lots of people were watching, she was shaking her head and she said she needed to do something and I asked what she had in mind, she told me she knows a lot about babies and that I must pick her up. In my flustered state I eventually muttered something about her calling the police or social services if she has concerns, DD is fine, and just hurried out, beetroot red and fighting back tears.
The woman was just so pushy and I felt so upset, it's not like me, I am 37 years old and I felt so small and defensive, I keep dwelling on what happened and how I should have handled it better. I guess I could have gone home and got dog food later but we live out in the country so that wouldn't have been easy.
DD calmed from screaming to a grizzle when I left the supermarket, and I tried to soothe her but felt I needed to get away from the woman in case she started following me so put DD in the car, started engine and left - DD quietened as soon as we started moving and was asleep by the time we left the carpark! (I have a mirror thingy so I can see her). She was her usual happy self later on, ate and slept well last night etc etc.
So AIBU unreasonable to be upset still? And I suppose I am also wondering, WIBU to stay in shop when DD got upset, and what should I have told the woman?
Thanks for reading!
LadyB I often think the same. I had a few "he's got tummyache" comments here anf there, but nobody ever interfered - they were just suggesting causes for ds's wailing.
A bit like what people actively seek out these days on the internet
hard skin/thick skin...
oh i give in, sodding keyboard!
ah well... you get a had skin after a bit...
unfortunately not hard enough to stop you swearing when unexpectedly bitten on the bum though after carrying out a kicking screaming spitting child in full melt down, underr one arrm hile blithely pushing the trolley with the other, hand pretending all is normal and you are absolutly nothing to do with this noisy creature under your arm, on more than one occasion you get tough as a rhino hide. believe me a crying baby is nothing much to get embarressed about, even if you had the misfortune to meet someone who is a little on the overfamiliar side.
If she met me today wheeling my 2mo old and dragging my screaming 2yr old
Think I would have said f* off for sure
Am glad I'm not the only one who gets "supermarket advice".
Although Homebase manager opened up a new checkout just for me when DD had similar crying jag at about 3 mnths, as she was "clearly very distressed and needed treatment" (she was tired, I live 20 miles from nearest DIY shop and wasn't going to go home and return a couple hours later).
Forget about it, you're obviously doing something right to get to 3 mnths without encountering far more pushy advice than that...!
OP you can't possibly pick your baby up and go home immediately she starts crying. You wont be able to go to the supermarket for about another 9 months... Although I don't blame you for cutting the trip a bit short.
I bet there were loads of members of staff in there watching thinking "oh theres the slightly odd lady who's always harassing parents with babies when they've already got their hands full, poor Mum..."
Try to forget it.
And for the record, I wasn't having a pop at the OP for whining, I was having a pop at the people going "Eugh nutter/fruitcake/loon/not right in the head"
From reading the Op, GhostShip, the woman in question acted abnormally.
So to say she had MH issues would have been my guess.
It may not have made it ok for the Op, anyone anywhere, whatever age would be put out by this sort of behaviour, but she didn't physically or even verbally harm the baby.
And if you've never walked through a city or town and not seen someone that you know in yourself has MH issues, whether a bit eccentric, or with obvious LD then you're walking around with a blindfold on.
No, you don't have to assume that EVERYONE has MH issues. You can assume it when someone is displaying behaviours that are associated with having MH issues, though. Instead of just assuming that they are a cunt simply out to make YOUR life hell.
YANBU at all- what a nutter! You know best what your daughter's cry means!
You sound like a lovely caring person and your daughter is lucky to have you as her Mummy.
My DS screamed literally everytimr he was in his pushchair until he was 8 months and I mean SCREAM he wasn't hungry, windy, cold or anything else he just hated it, sometimes I could sling him but he's a heavy bugger and sometimes pushchair was only choice I'm quite surprised I wasn't marched into ss on a no. of occasions since all people see is a snapshot knowing you r doing your best and that you love ur baby is more important than the view of others.
I used to take dh with me shopping in case DS wigged out then 1 could push finish shopping and 1 carry him but even then I remember a time where he still cried, couldn't have done anymore
bupcakes the next time you have an issue with the member of the public, I'll remind you not to comment then eh?
We can't go through life assuming every single person has something wrong with them, especially on threads.
She could have had mental health issues. But she probably was just a bloody nuisance, the OP is entitled to have a whinge.
Yanbu, ive lost count of the amount of times DS cries in supermarkets. It's embarrassing and even when I'm not stressed out I begin feeling it just by him crying. The woman sounds a bit crazy.
Must say though, if she started crying that badly, you should have picked her up and hugged her to calm her down, but I know some people don't agree with soothing a baby like that. Glad she was ok in the end.
No, no comment away. At least we know who the hard of thinking are if you do.
TBF MrsDeVere you did not physically witness the incident on the other thread, you cannot really tell someone that they are categorically over reacting in their response if you were not present.
FFS I think we best not comment on anyone anymore, just in case they have mental health issues...
My dd2 2.5 had a massive tantrum today in shop, a
senile dear old lady told me she was naughty then went into my dd and told her she was naughty and told her to shut up...
Some people are just loons when it comes to babies/kids
I have been troubled by 3 incidences I have seen in supermarkets over 5/6 years - I confronted one of them, it was a clear cut case. I witnessed it, he was an abusive 'A' hole there was NO doubt about it. I'm not the wimpy type to ignore a bully if it's a clear cut case of abuse.
I'm sorry I always seem unsympathetic to these 'nasty old women in supermarket' threads, but I can honestly say, that when ds was a baby, and this was 17 years ago before I even knew Mum advice sites existed, I never experienced anything like so many other mothers on here seemed to have, and if it did happen it must have gone completely over my head.
I had a baby, he screamed at inappropriate times, that's what babies do.
I'm 56 and hear and see crying babies and tantrumming toddlers sometimes.
Who are all those crazy loons out there, because according to MN they're all over the place, tutting and grumping.
It must be a 21st century phenonomen (sp).
Yes that is true Golden. What is also true is that it is impossible to know which is which from a third hand account on the internet based on someone seeing a stranger for five minutes.
Some of the reactions on that thread were verging on the hysterical and there was a lot less info than we have in this OP.
People were suggesting the OP call social services. The OP was haunted by what she thought she had witnessed.
It was ridiculous.
I don't understand your last sentence MrsDeVere? The other thread was about the baby not being picked up? It didn't just seem the case in the other thread it was the case- she didn't pick her 1 week old baby up. She didn't react, her mum did.
Surely it is common sense, not ALL mums/Dads ignoring their babies cries and screams are struggling but ultimately caring individuals. There are people that do this and more and can/are abusive, neglectful.
The first time I took my daughter out after she was born I fed her as soon as I got to the town centre. I put her in the pram after winding etc and after a few minutes she started to yell. A woman stopped me and told me to feed my child. I said I had and she said I clearly couldn't look after her properly; it was obvious she was hungry (a kind of "I've had six kids so I know what I'm talking about" tirade) and that basically I was doing it all wrong.
I got PND and I really don't think that woman helped. People need to be supportive, not judgemental if a baby's crying.
'the other thread described a woman who seemed not to be reacting..'
So if the nosy woman from this op wrote a thread how do you think she would describe ths mum?
I would take a wild guess at 'In a way that justified her interference and OTT reaction'
The same way that the other one was written.
And you are being disingenuous. The inference had nothing to do with the non picking up of the baby.
Personally, I wouldn't deduce someone was common, even care from not picking up a baby.
The other thread described a woman who seemed to not be reacting in ANY way to her baby, this is not the case with the OP. it was questionable in the other thread why a mother out with the grandmother did not react in any way to a very upset 1 week old baby. Why did it take the Grandmother to pick up the baby. Most supermarkets are refrigerated or at least have cold aisles, a week old baby in a tshirt in late October in a trolley car seat with no soft blanket underneath to lessen the hardness- that is not a good scenario.
The age is very relevant - by 3 months you're more likely to know what upsets your baby, their tired times etc. by 1 week I doubt it. They are very very different threads.
Goldenbear the thread was very similar.
It was just from the perspective of the other party.
The mother in that thread could have written this one and the op from that thread could have been writing about this op.
And in the other thread the op thought the baby was innapropriately dressed ie In a teeshirt and dungarees. She was being highly subjective. We have no clue of the baby was cold.
And the grandmother picked the baby up.
And a 3 mth old is just as vulnerable as a week old in this situation.
I think the major difference here is that we can all tell that the op is articulate and intelligent. The impression given in the other thread was that the mother was a bit common.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.