AIBU to be upset at altercation in Morrisons yesterday and still dwelling?(118 Posts)
My first AIBU, eek!
I popped into Morrisons yesterday with DD(3mths). Gave her a big feed in the car, then in we went. She was tired, we had been around town and she had been watching what was going on. Often she will fall asleep in the supermarket. But on this occasion I was halfway round (during which time she had been smiling and gurgling at me) when she decided to scream, which she does sometimes do when overtired. It is a horrible noise. I gave up on doing much in the way of shopping and decided to get just three things, then I realised she wasn't going to settle despite much shushing and talking to her so I decided to grab the one essential (canned dog food - Ddog(12) was having an operation right then, and vet had told me to buy a particular food to give him that night after the op, and for next few days.)
So far so boring, sorry. As DD was screaming and I was whizzing around desperately looking for the dog food, several people made kind smiles or said "oh dear" "is she hungry" etc etc, one chap was with a guy in a wheelchair and made some joke to me that his mate did that too sometimes. I was feeling stressed and harassed and desperate to get back to car to comfort DD or drive home when I knew she would sleep.
The this one woman started asking if DD was ok and should she get some help. I said she is fine thanks just tired but she said DD didn't look fine, I said honestly she is overtired and we are heading home soon. Grabbed my dogfood, went through self-scan (no queue, hurrah) and was relieved to be able to go, when the woman was suddenly there again asking whether DD was ok, am I sure he is ok (thought she was a boy for some reason), he cannot be just tired, he sounds like she has something seriously wrong with him. I said she was fine just tired, she again suggested she get help for me and that DD must be very ill and he does not look well at all, and was being quite aggressive, lots of people were watching, she was shaking her head and she said she needed to do something and I asked what she had in mind, she told me she knows a lot about babies and that I must pick her up. In my flustered state I eventually muttered something about her calling the police or social services if she has concerns, DD is fine, and just hurried out, beetroot red and fighting back tears.
The woman was just so pushy and I felt so upset, it's not like me, I am 37 years old and I felt so small and defensive, I keep dwelling on what happened and how I should have handled it better. I guess I could have gone home and got dog food later but we live out in the country so that wouldn't have been easy.
DD calmed from screaming to a grizzle when I left the supermarket, and I tried to soothe her but felt I needed to get away from the woman in case she started following me so put DD in the car, started engine and left - DD quietened as soon as we started moving and was asleep by the time we left the carpark! (I have a mirror thingy so I can see her). She was her usual happy self later on, ate and slept well last night etc etc.
So AIBU unreasonable to be upset still? And I suppose I am also wondering, WIBU to stay in shop when DD got upset, and what should I have told the woman?
Thanks for reading!
I just keep overthinking what I should have said instead, it's driving me mad! And keep wondering what she would have done if I had said yes please to getting help. But really not worth engaging with these people I guess. I just keep hearing her say that there is something seriously wrong with DD and it makes me feel panicky even though she is fine, very irrational reaction I am having.
The lovely cigarette kiosk lady chased after me and asked if I was ok and said I should ignore "the nosy old bag", bless her!
I already give a sympathetic smile when I see crying babies when out and about but will make doubly sure to do so in future.
Am trying to remember that most interactions I have had have been really positive, seem to get lots of attention when out with DD, people coming up and holding her hand and making her smile at them, asking how old she is, etc etc (it's worse [or better, depending on your viewpoint!] than having a puppy!).
Lol at the woman lecturing about head shaking and first aid.
She may have been concerned or lonely and wanted to make a fuss.
"The lovely cigarette kiosk lady chased after me and asked if I was ok and said I should ignore "the nosy old bag", bless her!"
dont worry, and sod them.
my DS is a screamer, will just look at someone and scream, no reason he just does it, i have had so many people stick there nose in, say nasty comments ect and i leave places feeling like you do, for my ds its just a phase (i hope) but these people will always be cocks,
big hugs op have some
I also think there may be MH issues at play here. YANBU to be upset of course, that was an unpleasant thing to happen but try to take a deep breath and remember you knew exactly what your DD needed and sorted her out.
Hope your dog gets well soon too.
My son (now 2) was also one of those babies that would get overtired and scream and scream and scream. It was awful, the Dutch equivalent of the HV here referred us to a paediatrician - several times - because they were so convinced there was something wrong with him. There wasn't. Thank heavens for the lactation consultant I saw who said he was absolutely fine and just an exceptional baby
It is really, really hard when you know your own kid and other people are getting concerned because your baby behaves differently to many if not most other babies. Not to mention being in a public place with lots of people watching you. Do try your best to forget about it, but I don't blame you for still feeling uncomfortable and unsettled. After all, you were confronted in public and your parenting skills called into question. That's pretty harsh.
NO one knows this woman has MH problems. She could just be an interfering cowbag. ffs. There's plenty of them in perfect mental health.
was the woman just wanting you to pick up screaming baby? that would be a sensible thing to do anyway surely?
I do feel sorry for the lady if she does have MH problems but it's still not very nice being in such a situation, I would worry that she could be going around upsetting loads of different people each day. TBH she was probably just a meddler, and DD was making a horrendous noise, it is good she was concerned but still her attitude seemed a bit aggressive and confrontational.
Not particularly thrilled at the kiosk lady calling the woman a name but it was kind of her to stop and say something nice to me as I was a bit of a mess at that point.
Seriously, I have stopped shopping at Morrissons. Too many incidents with crazy people there to mention including confrontations for no reason! Last one shook me up for days too. So I would start shopping somewhere else!
Why is it being assumed the woman has MH issues? There are plenty of interfering,rude people about who don't have MH issues.
There's a difference between plain old interfering ("Your baby needs socks on!"/"Your baby is hungry!") and following someone and suggesting that there is something seriously wrong with a stranger's baby.
FFS what has actually happened here? Some unwelcome advice was given, OP went home, baby was fine. Where's the fire?
Rudolphstolemecarrots, mostly the woman wanted to "get help" but didn't specify what, then yes in the end she suggested I pick her up which does make sense except that picking her up doesn't necessarily soothe her immediately, and be hard to carry her and wheel pram thingy, and by that point I had paid for my 6-pack of dog food and just wanted to get out of there.
Also DD was strapped into the carseat which was clicked onto the pram wheels, I thought it would be better not to get her out and then have to strap her back in almost straight away, which would probably make her cry again, when I knew she was bound to fall asleep once we were in the car driving.
I think it might be the lighting or noise of the supermarket which can distress her when tired because she stopped screaming as soon as we left (although was still screaming).
You don't even know if she does have MH issues though bupcakes
How could you tell from that one little snippet of her life that the OP gave?
I'm a bit confused - on the face of it she does sound a bit OTT and nuts - but equally, if your baby was screaming, why didn't you pick her up for a cuddle? Especially once you'd decided only to get one thing? Not excusing her behaviour, which was odd to say the least.
But I wouldn't worry about it, as you said, in minutes your dd was fine and asleep, which is all that matters.
skislope I don't usually shop at Morrisons! Usually Waitrose cos I like the self scanners, but quite liked Morrisons yesterday (DD was looking at the bright marketplace veg display etc as we went in) but now I am put off going back in case my "friend" is there!
Your DD is fine so stop dwelling. The woman was just concerned. If there had been something seriously wrong, you may have been glad of her concern.
My DD2 screamed all the way round a Co-op when she was a few months old. Proper toe-curling screams. The queue was huge and I had DD1 with me as well. I ended up picking her up and placing the shopping basket on the pram. She still screamed blue murder and the queue took forever. I just switched off as much as I could and chatted to my then 4 year old. As we were leaving after we'd been served an old lady approached me. I was getting ready with my sarky comebacks to any helpful advice when she said "I'm really impressed with the way you've handled your baby, well done!". I couldn't believe it.
Misswinklyparadiso DDog is ok thanks and eating the food after all that, thank goodness!
I said she probably does and I stick by that.
And I don't think that calling someone with probably MH issues an old bag/nutjob/mental is on, btw.
OP and her snowflake got away unscathed. There's no need.
Maybe the woman was perfectly sane, but the baby's cry reminded her of something she'd witnessed/been involved with in the past.
I remember the cry of a very poorly baby from years ago - if I heard similar I wouldn't be able to let it lie I think, and I too would be an interfering old bag.
Anyway, it's all over now. Don't think any more of it.
Was that directed at me Bupcakes? I didn't call her any of those things,I said she was more than a little odd. Which isn't unfair going on what OP said.
"Maybe the woman was perfectly sane, but the baby's cry reminded her of something she'd witnessed/been involved with in the past."
I was about to say that, too.
No it wasn't aimed at you, Alis. It was aimed at the nice people who called her those things.
In situations like this I just ignore. If I don't want to engage with someone I just don't. It's hard to get right but it's amazing how effective just not making eye contact is. It's very helpful when you have a screaming child because even though there are plenty of well-wishers there are also a good few catbumfaced cunts who want to judge you. Best if the baby's crying to just switch off to other people and focus on keeping calm and getting the job done. You can't help that they're crying so you don't need to apologise or explain yourself. Just motor on and ignore ignore ignore. People are far to apologetic and worried about crying babies - they're just a fact of life and if someone wants to be weird about it then that's their problem. If they don't want to encounter humans big and small they should just stay at home.
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