to feel emotionally exhausted by parents evening?

(30 Posts)
FunnysInLaJardin Fri 16-Nov-12 14:04:59

No matter what is said I always focus on the 'negative' and then go round and round trying to work out if I have damaged my child in some way.

By way of example DS1 is doing well in all areas and the teacher is happy with his progress. She did say that she found him to be a bit of an enigma and quirky.

All I want is to go into school and for the teacher to say 'DS1 is a wonderful child and a pleasure to teach'. It never happens.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 16-Nov-12 15:28:11

Yes Scotch DS1 was described as only concentrating on something if it interested him, in which case he could concentrate for hours. If something doesn't interest him he doesn't put any effort in. I can understand this though and am very similar and tbh would have thought most people are. I only want to do interesting things.

He is also described as being in a world of his own quite often and I know he is as he will be working out what would happen if Sponge Bob and Patrick went on Club Penguin and met some of his puffles and what would happen if the 4 armed garmadon was also there and got Patricks name wrong. etc etc

SCOTCHandWRY Fri 16-Nov-12 15:19:55

Take parents night comments with a bucket of salt. Remember, the things that make a school pupil shine/fit in well in a school class, are not necessarily the same things which will make your child shine/do well at university and/or the world of work.

I say this as the parent of 4, DS, 2 of them are at university, 1 with 3 years more school, and a toddler. I have rarely had a parents evening for any of them which didn't leave me in tears, frustrated or upset (at least until they were about 15, when the focus at school starts to shift to results rather than "fitting in").

The older two were variously described as
DS2- "lazy, not trying and easily distracted" and "not dyslexic, just a bit stupid/averge/lazy", "in a world of his own", "away with the fairies", and "He has strange ideas about religion" (he is now studying theoretical physics, and now diagnosed as Dyslexic).

DS1 -"lazy, disengaged with school work", "spends time gazing out the window" or drawing "bizarre inventions" across his work sheets. "Has his own agenda" He was also criticised as a 5 yo for using logic and persuasion to get the other kids to play the games he wanted, instead of just hitting them, which would have been "wrong", but also "normal"!!! (now Oxbridge).

Most of the negative comments when it boils down to it, were because they were quirky, different and interested in learning in their own way (very self directed)... all of those can cause problems for a teacher of a class of kids, but the same character traits can be big positives in the last years of school and into university.

LisaMed Fri 16-Nov-12 15:12:13

My DS is six next month. The teacher described him as the most charming in the class, and the most subtle with it.

He has a lot of form for charm, and the local shops etc are littered with the recipients. He gets an awful lot of free lollipops. Two months ago the dental nurse was asking if he had a girlfriend (yes, and that's another story). I am just worrying that in a few years time I am going to read about him on the Relationships board.

So I am frantically trying to drum in respect for others and work ethic. The rest of the report was glowing, but charmers get that anyway.

tbh, I think most mums who care worry anyway, even if there isn't the need to, because we want to make sure that our dcs are the best they can be and that we do our best for them.

Shagmundfreud Fri 16-Nov-12 14:33:03

akaemmafrost - ditto with my DS.

With DD and DS1 I used to come out of parents evenings aglow with pleasure. Now I want to cry.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 16-Nov-12 14:30:55

Mrs that is just like DS1. He has always been OK but slightly behind. He is now catching up and doing really well. He is certainly a 'late bloomer', but then his learing has always been like that. He won't attempt anything until he knows that he can do it properly first go.

And yes aka you are right. I should be very pleased with his progress and I am of course. I stop being silly now and go and buy him some lego!

3b1g Fri 16-Nov-12 14:29:14

I got told by DS1's English teacher (first parents' evening of secondary school) that he was too 'badass'. If you knew him (total goody-goody, no detentions, polite and respectful) you would realise quite how speechless we were. Fortunately every other teacher seemed to be talking about the right child and he got an award at the end of the year for consistently great behaviour and attitude. It's now a family joke to call him 'badass'! grin

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 16-Nov-12 14:26:24

no he's not disruptive or unkind at all, if anything on the quiet side in class, a bit of a perfectionist and slightly anxious. He also loves play fighting and wrestling and got a yellow card the other week for playing too roughly. In fact as I type this I can see exactly why she thinks he is an enigma!

3littlefrogs Fri 16-Nov-12 14:26:19

I remember a friend of DS1 (in the sixth form) saying to me:

"We all love (ds1) but he lives on his own little planet. No-one else knows what goes on there."

akaemmafrost Fri 16-Nov-12 14:26:14

My child has ASD. I never had a chance to go to a parents evening for him because I was called in tri weekly to discuss his "issues".

This is in no way a lecture OP, it's all relative isn't it? But I'd love to hear MY child described that way. I would be dancing on air as I left and filled with happiness for days after.

Just a thought smile.

MrsCantSayAnything Fri 16-Nov-12 14:24:19

Just like my DD Funnys she has taken ages to become more "normal" and more capable generally. Her teacher this year says it's like a different child...she's been a "late bloomer" academically according to the teacher but has gone from being 2 levels behind in maths and literacy to 2 levels ahead of expected for her year.

Teacher actually asked "Has anything changed in her life?" All I could think of was "Erm...she's joined Brownies...could that be it?"

grin

3littlefrogs Fri 16-Nov-12 14:23:14

I think quirky is good. As long as he is not disruptive or unkind to other kids.

Not everyone is the same. Ds1 was always a bit of a square peg in a round hole, but he seems to be finding his place in the world now.

Once out of school, there is room for talented, clever people, even if they are a bit "individual".

saythatagain Fri 16-Nov-12 14:22:57

My dd (aged 8) is quirky; I positively embrace that!
I shall hold out for enigmatic - that would be the icing on the cake as far as Im concerned. (Not being sarcastic here either.)

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 16-Nov-12 14:22:07

DS1 is nearly 7 Mrs

PandaNot Fri 16-Nov-12 14:21:51

I'd settle for a teacher who could actually describe my ds. He's in year 4 now and it's happened once, in year 2. I'd be happy with quirky.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 16-Nov-12 14:21:30

I think it's also because he is now in Yr2 and every first parents evening has followed this pattern.

I do like Beers analysis though, so thanks for that grin

3little it's just so difficult isn't it. To me he is a happy little soul with lots of friends.

Ragwort Fri 16-Nov-12 14:19:07

I feel the same - the teachers seem to go round in circles and how many different ways can they say 'your DS is lively' grin - I almost wish they would just say 'he's a b*****y pain in the backside' because I am sure that's what they are thinking sad. I asked the last teacher exactly what she would recommend to improve his behaviour, told her not to worry about being 'blunt' with me but she couldn't really think of anything. Doesn't help that I am old enough to be most teachers' mother grin. Fortunately things seem to be getting better now ...........

MaryPoppinsBag Fri 16-Nov-12 14:18:33

Funnys
DS1 (7) teacher described him as an 'interesting character'

I worried about this too. Even though he's doing great - I just wondered what do they mean?

I need to get a life. grin

MrsCantSayAnything Fri 16-Nov-12 14:17:05

How old is DS?

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 16-Nov-12 14:15:26

thank you for talking some sense into me. It's true, I do appriciate the fact that the teacher is trying to work out DS1 and I do think she is a very good teacher.

DH is a teacher and has had parents evenings all week and said he described a child as quirky this week too, so I was able to ask whether that was a good thing. He said yes, but I detected a hint of uncertainty in his voice..............I have a feeling this is all down to my own insecurity grin

3littlefrogs Fri 16-Nov-12 14:14:29

Yes - I meant to say that I always make a point of asking the teacher what we can do to support/help/encourage at home.

amck5700 Fri 16-Nov-12 14:13:48

I'm with redsky - always great reports - we are in and out in a couple of minutes allowing the teacher to catch up with his appointments!! I always wonder what the others are talking about wehn they are in there for 15 minutes and wonder if there is something wrong with my child that they have so little to say, but at the end of the day once they have told you they are perfect there is not much else to say grin

Goofus Fri 16-Nov-12 14:12:53

redsky I get that too with my eldest.
This year though her teacher made the exact same comments as previous teachers but also advised me on some things she could work on even more. It felt less of a waste of time, actually.

3littlefrogs Fri 16-Nov-12 14:11:17

I don't think that is a negative comment at all.

I do understand all about parental guilt though. You are not alone.

Ds1 was described as an "oddball" by more than one teacher.

Many times DH and I had to stop for a drink (or 2) on the way home from parents' evening.

Your DS sounds like a bright, interesting person. Try not to worry. smile

MrsCantSayAnything Fri 16-Nov-12 14:11:09

Yanbu BUT....my DD is 8 and in year 4 and this year I had the first ever good report of her that didn't set me into a mad worry. Every year since she was 3 the teachers have been worried or dissatisfied in some way. So hang on in there...my DD is also quirky.

BeerTricksPott3r Fri 16-Nov-12 14:10:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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