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To only want to collect and ferry my own kids around

(73 Posts)
fruitninja Mon 12-Nov-12 16:30:50

I have a good friend. She's always on standby for an emergency and I have only had to use her once or twice. I probably help her out more, because she works and I don't, so I tend to pick her little one up from school maybe once a week and I don't mind at all because she is a very kind and good person.

So much so that her other good friend often puts on her (although the friend does return the favours, so I guess they both benefit).

Trouble is, the friend, who I know a bit, has started asking me to help in non emergency situations and at first I kept saying yes and we have done at least one help for them once a week. Then I realised the favours weren't ever returned, no thank-yous, last minute requests by text for lifts or pick ups because she was stuck at the shops with her hubby etc.

Her kids are at junior and mine at infants. She has lots of friends in Junior whom she goes out with (we don't hang out) so I find it weird why she doesn't ask them, when she doesn't know me that well. She doesn't work, like me.

Her husband works away alot. She won't ask his (fit and healthy) MOm who lives opposite the school for help, either. She won't ask her husband to take the day off if it is something big (my husband has to book time off if necessary and I have had to call on the inlaws in the odd emergency).

Thing is, she just assumes I will help, maybe because our mutual friend is softer or maybe because she sees me helping our mutual friend - and I really don't want to anymore - unless it's an emergency, of course. I simply want to collect my kids and go home. Or, I wouldn't mind as much if the favours were returned.

By association of my kindhearted friend I feel I am now being put on by this other woman.
The one time she went on holiday with her hubby on term time and I was volunteered to help ferry the kids around etc. I wish somebody would help me out so I could go away.

Thing is how do I get out of it (at first, when I volunteered I didn't realise she would take advantage or not reciprocate the favours)? I've been told to say I am busy until she gets the message. But my kindhearted friend would know I am lying.

I have considered chatting to our mutual friend. But their friendship is much older than ours. Their families go out together. I don't think the mutual friend realises that I have never had any favours returned, and maybe if she did she would understand. I don't want to rock the boat.

Plus, I have some personal issues at the moment in my relationship, and I don't want the stress.

fruitninja Sun 18-Nov-12 22:15:26

So true! I will smile while saying no. And I won't feel bad..
Thanks all x

UsedToBeAContender Sun 18-Nov-12 20:39:41

Wow, have followed this thread with interest. I would never DREAM of taking the piss like that!
We all need a bit of a hand now and again if there are extenuating circumstances but you are definitely doing the right thing!

Saying no doesn't always have to be done in a nasty or stroppy way, you can smile apologetically and claim to have been "rushed off your feet" all day/week/months You shouldn't feel the need to scuttle in and out at drop off or pick up, SHE is the one being unreasonable!

Doing well OP!

fruitninja Sun 18-Nov-12 20:31:50

Yes , sticking to all yr advice thanks. Not answered texts and been keeping low profile at school gate so cheers!

DameEnidsOrange Wed 14-Nov-12 19:38:09

Yes musical, I tend to find users and piss-takers move on to other victims friends when you stop being available

musicalendorphins Wed 14-Nov-12 17:36:15

Ds's friends mom, not ds's moms. He only has one mom- me!

musicalendorphins Wed 14-Nov-12 17:34:17

My mom used to say things like "You give some people an inch and they take a mile"
One of my ds's moms asked me for a favour once, to pick us her 2 and keep them until 5. Then she asked again. Then left a voice mail, asking again.
First I fretted and stressed like you are doing, then decided to nip it in the bud. I didn't return her call, and stopped picking up the phone when I saw her number come up.
She seemed a bit frosty when I saw her occasionally, but whatever. She just happened to be someone I knew, and I had other kids whom I was being paid to look after. I didn't need or want 2 extras.

DameEnidsOrange Wed 14-Nov-12 16:11:41

Oh dear, hope we haven't frightened the OP off...

lunar1 Wed 14-Nov-12 13:02:33

hope you are sticking to your guns op!

expatinscotland Tue 13-Nov-12 15:43:50

Have you told her to get knotted, fruit?

fuzzpig Tue 13-Nov-12 15:10:12

shock always amazes me how brazen some people can be about demanding stuff like this. Crikey, I feel a bit nervous even asking for one school run favour (which I hardly ever do anyway) but then I do have issues with asking for help in general. But wow.

Nip it in the bud!

OTheHugeManatee Tue 13-Nov-12 14:53:49

OP, did you tell Terrible Cunt Mum II to do one yet?

<lives vicariously in hope>

fromparistoberlin Tue 13-Nov-12 14:15:43

sweet jesus

say NOOOOO

easy peasy!

whats stopping u?

Inertia Tue 13-Nov-12 14:12:00

I'd be tempted to text back saying you aren't available to help, and actually current family circumstances mean that you might need to call in some childcare favours yourself. Bet you don't see her for dust.

midseasonsale Tue 13-Nov-12 12:45:44

Text her back and say 'best to ask your Mum xx' and then avoid reading any more texts. If she fails to pick her DD up from school, the school will sort it out. If asked you could always say that you didn't agree to pick child up and suggested her mum did.

Expat - I think that the OP did say something earlier on in the thread about needing to be on call for her gran this week, so asking if the other person could help if needed wouldn't be made-up.

But I agree that the OP shouldn't have to make excuses - she should just say No. Particularly after 'I may need you later on this week' - that is beyond cheeky.

sue52 Tue 13-Nov-12 11:23:45

Why can't you just say "it's no longer convienient to help you out"? I would also have a word with your soft hearted friend before she volunteers your services again.

ioness Tue 13-Nov-12 11:08:32

What a cheek!

Chances are she's worn out any possible favours from her own family and friends.

You need to start saying no until she gets the message. She's treating you like an unpaid skivy at the moment.

DameEnidsOrange Tue 13-Nov-12 10:18:23

Have you told Ms Entitled to bog off yet OP?

Mrsjay Tue 13-Nov-12 09:33:01

try and say no sorry I cant you don't have to elaborate why you cant cos that is when you trip yourself up, just say No, or do what somebody else said oh ok then but could you do X for me that would really help me out, and see what happens, people who tend to take the piss dont like it turned back on them,

dysfunctionalme Tue 13-Nov-12 09:17:07

May need you later in the week

The cheek!

I probably wouldn't send a rude text but I would either ignore/delete etc.. she will get the message.

Don't let her put you off being nice though. You just need rid of this leech.

lamename Tue 13-Nov-12 09:03:34

Am wailing at I may need you later. Text back 'I definitely don't need you, ever'.

Idle greedy cow she is, hehehh.

Helltotheno Tue 13-Nov-12 09:02:12

'I may need you later on in the week'...
Sorry but grin . Some people just have such a nerve! See if you responded to that now OP ('Sorry but I'm not available later in the week'), you wouldn't have to deal with the later in the week scenario.

I had that with someone i know, our boys did various sports together and we got into fairly casual lift arrangements but I found that any time we did, she'd take advantage and start asking for her kid minded at times it suited her, so each time, I'd back off. I tried again recently with lifts to a sport and the next thing, I was being asked to mind her kid while she was at work!!! So I just said it to her straight up that I thought it was unfair of her to ask people to mind her child during her work hours when everyone else was paying childcare. Prob solved... she hasn't asked again. I know she was doing that to others too and has apparently backed off so poss got the message.

Best nip it now op...

Chubfuddler Tue 13-Nov-12 08:57:29

Don't do a rota for gods sake, just tell the woman to do one. Not that it matters if she is, but she won't be in the least bit offended, she must have the hide of a rhino to be such a freeloader.

2rebecca Tue 13-Nov-12 08:43:02

I would only suggest a rota if the OP wants a rota. If she doesn't I'd just tell her that she'll need to sort out someone else to give her kids lifts as it's not convenient for you to keep doing them and maybe she needs to pay a childminder or sort out an after school club if she regularly can't pick up her kids.
If this upsets the kindhearted friend then she isn't a kindhearted friend and just another Mrs Judgeypants.
You could start walking to the school to pick up your kids, primary schools are usually fairly local.

exoticfruits Tue 13-Nov-12 08:09:19

I would do the same as ClippedPhoenix, just say - 'we seem to be sharing lifts a lot- I think we need a rota - which week do you want?'She will either do a rota( and if started make sure it is fair e.g. she misses a week she does two.) or she will fade away.

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