to wonder if the concept of a 'yummy mummy' is a feminist issue, a class issue or just my issue

(135 Posts)
IveNoIntentionOfMakingCupcakes Sat 13-Oct-12 20:24:51

Yesterday, I met a father who made a comment about me being a 'yummy mummy'. At the time I smiled, was slightly embarrassed and also slightly irritated but I wasn't all that sure why?

Maybe it was just because he was a smarmy git but maybe it was something more. I have only ever heard the term used to imply that a woman is attractive and/or that a woman is middle class. It seems to me that the whole concept of 'yummy mummies' implies that there is also a group that are not 'yummy' and that's quite insulting really. AIBU?

LittleTyga Sat 13-Oct-12 23:35:52

FILF - grin

Mrsjay Sat 13-Oct-12 23:37:25

what about a Dishy daddy sounds just as eww as yummy mummy though

McHappyPants2012 Sat 13-Oct-12 23:37:34

Sugar daddy I would say was the same as a yummy mummy

WinkySlink Sat 13-Oct-12 23:40:12

Different in that Sugar Daddy is generally used to criticise the women he is involved with, rather than the man himself.

SheppySheepdog Sat 13-Oct-12 23:42:25

Have seen bibs, babygrows etc with "My mummy is yummy" on around here hmm

If anything "yummy mummy" is a term the mothers in tracksuits and hair extensions would use to describe themselves so possibly a class thing but not in the way you are thinking.

Me, I'm just an attractive woman who happens to now be a mother too... grin

Mrsjay Sat 13-Oct-12 23:43:23

SUgar daddy is an older rich man who loves to spoil his princess it is a bit different

Viviennemary Sat 13-Oct-12 23:44:46

I've never actually heard the expression spoken. Only read it. A lot! I don't think it's a class thing but it is a bit sexist. Is there an equal expression for a man. I always think it's somebody who is attractive and always wears up-to-the minute fashionable clothes and make up and hair always done.

achillea Sat 13-Oct-12 23:57:52

Sheppy trouble with those bibs and things is they are made in China by people that have vaguely heard the term and have no concept of its meaning on any other level than that it's what people say in the UK. Same way you get 'Sugar Babe' emblazoned on the rear of kids tracksuit bottoms and such.

So people do actually use the term about themselves - in general conversation or just in an online dating kind of way to describe themselves?

UltraBOF Sat 13-Oct-12 23:59:32

I think it's a feminist issue, yes. It's about being judged as a woman on your shag-worthiness, the implication being that most mothers automatically become asexual. Further to that, there's the offensiveness of perfect strangers feeling quite entitled to pronounce on your attractiveness to them. Newsflash: women don't exist just to be graded (degraded?) into categories based on whether you'd shag them or not. It's rude and belittling, I think.

WinkySlink Sun 14-Oct-12 00:03:16

In my understanding a Sugar Daddy is an older man who spoils his young girlfriend, not his daughter..not sure if that was wht you meant by princess, MrsJ?

LittleTyga Sun 14-Oct-12 00:14:25

UltraBof you put it much more eloquently than me - Why does how I look have any bearing on being a mum? We don't judge men on their looks as to what type of parent they are.

LittleTyga Sun 14-Oct-12 00:16:54

Achillea - TBH its usually the Daily Wail reporting on the latest model/actress who had a baby 5 mins ago and then struts about in her bikini showing us her curves (bones to the rest of us!)

WorraLiberty Sun 14-Oct-12 00:18:21

It doesn't have any bearing on you being a Mum

It's just stating the fact that you're attractive and a Mum.

WorraLiberty Sun 14-Oct-12 00:20:30

And I have to say (well I don't really but I will...LOL) that whenever I've heard the phrase 'Yummy Mummy' said by a man, it's always been meant as a compliment.

But when ever (without exception) I've heard it from a woman, it's been meant as a catty comment.

Strange but true confused

ravenAK Sun 14-Oct-12 00:26:51

I think it's inherently condescending - whenever I've heard it, it's been in a mildly pejorative tone, to refer to someone who has too much time on their hands in the speaker's opinion, & is perhaps conceited about/overly concerned with their own attractiveness.

Actually, I've mostly heard it used of SAHMs, by WOHMs, I think. Which is depressing.

In our house dh does the school run & he's certainly aware of which of the mothers he thinks are attractive (ie. he'll say to me 'Oh you know Ella's mum - she's the smiley redhead who wears biker boots' or whatever) but he wouldn't use that term - it's belittling, as BOF said.

UltraBOF Sun 14-Oct-12 00:28:03

Yes, that is probably true. I still think its one of those 'compliments' that is double-edged though: it kind of presumes that the sender feels that it's completely reasonable to assess whether they'd "do you". I find that arrogant and rude.

Quadrangle Sun 14-Oct-12 00:51:24

I think of it as pretty much the same as saying "You look good/are good looking."

Quadrangle Sun 14-Oct-12 00:52:20

When said by a man I mean.

LucieMay Sun 14-Oct-12 01:12:44

I prefer just to be judged as a woman and not a mother. My role as a mother is not linked to my attractiveness or sexiness, the two are quite separate. I've dated since ds was very young and younger men have called me a milf, made me wanna puke. Never come across an older man, ie 30 odd and above, calling it me.

FreudiansGoldSlipper Sun 14-Oct-12 01:27:23

I do not think of it as being a middle class thing at all well not round here. I think it started that way when about the time I was pregnant I am sure I was given a book how to be a yummy mummy

Maybe it depends where you live. I do not like it never have though have been called a few times I think they were being nice

If anything I find it a little creepy and those that have to tell others they are a little sad

Proudnscary Sun 14-Oct-12 07:56:58

Of course there are similar compliments for dads. David Beckham is often referred to us a 'hot dad'. At the dc's old school there was a man only known as Sexy Dad by the mums - so shoot us! It wasn't sexist, or sex pesty, or disrespectful.

People are waaaay overthinking this one.

I'm a feminist but I just can't see why I would be anything than a bit chuffed if referred to as yummy mummy or seen as 'a mum but still attractive' - yes okay if you overthink it 'why the hell shouldn't I be a mum and sexy blah blah' but it's a harmless, lighthearted observation.

Maybe that's because I am confident in myself and my choices - I feel so much more than just a mother. I've never felt like 'just a mum' - I'm a woman with a fulfilling, successful career, a wife etc...so it wouldn't cross my mind to me offended.

TandB Sun 14-Oct-12 08:28:43

I've only ever heard it used in a class/derogatory way to refer to middle class/wealthy women who are obsessed with designer baby clothes, posh prams and are always dressed up to the nines about 5 minutes after having a baby. I've never heard it used as a compliment.

When I lived in SW London people would generally say things like "that cafe is where all the yummy mummy types hang out" or "I went to that baby class but it was all yummy mummy sorts."

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sun 14-Oct-12 08:42:37

I see it as a feminist issue. It comments on women and how they look after having had kids. Saying one mummy is "yummy" implies that others are lesser mothers.

snooter Sun 14-Oct-12 08:52:36

At the school gate my friend & I refer to the mums who don't work but spend all day beautifying themselves, having tennis lessons, driving badly in huge unnecessary cars etc etc as the yummy mummies. We both go to work part-time, scrub up nicely when required & are happy to look normal in jeans & flat footwear most of the time.

LolaDontCryOverSpiltBleach Sun 14-Oct-12 09:08:55

Well go you snooter , your properly impressive you are.

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