to wonder whose fault this was

(72 Posts)
lingle Tue 09-Oct-12 18:10:53

Family A has a nanny but she can't drive just now.

Family B mum down the road says she's happy to pick up Family A's kids on Tuesdays.

Family B mum starts to pick up regularly. Nanny sends regular text on Tuesdsays "ok to pick up?" etc.

Family B takes their holiday abroad one week so family B mum doesn't respond to text - is at a wedding abroad. Family B has made vague reference to wedding to mum of Family A over coffee previous week but not in a "so you realise I won't be picking up Tuesday don't you?" kind of way.

No-one picks up kids, school call Family A dad who is very cross with Family B and sends nanny down to school in a taxi.

Jury, verdict please....

<nervous>

Quadrangle Tue 09-Oct-12 18:47:07

I don't blame you for not thinking to notify family B that you wouldn't be able to do the school pick up. You probably had enough to think about with going abroad to a wedding.

lingle Tue 09-Oct-12 18:49:05

"He probably had a bit of a moan in the heat of the moment as he had been called away from work, but probably realised when he had calmed down that it was just a misunderstanding and that you were actually doing them a big favour. Has the nanny broken her leg or something? "

that's probably right - he thought it was private.

chronic health issue has arisen for nanny. pickup is not a problem. have child on SEN register and regular car ride with trusted other children plus sometimes tea together is absolutely perfect for him - it's mutually beneficial.

bloody dad A!

lingle Tue 09-Oct-12 18:50:31

that's the thing Quad - I'm more than happy to pick up whenever they want me to.

But I'm not happy for it to become my job to plan the pickups. That is their job, delegated to the nanny.

I confess I did moan to the nanny that I don't work for Dad A.

KenLeeeeeee Tue 09-Oct-12 18:52:21

Dad A is totally U to blame Family B.

Responsibility for the children has been delegated to the Nanny (why hire a Nanny who can't drive if the school is too far to walk...?), who has in turn accepted an offer of help from someone else. It's the Nanny's responsibility to check that this still stands on a weekly basis and given that she got no reply on this occasion, she shouldn't have just left the children at school!

Ultimately though, I think it all lies with Family A for hiring a Nanny who clearly can't meet the needs of their children without calling in favours from elsewhere. They would be better off replacing Nanny with who one can drive and not relying on Family B at all.

tanteclaire Tue 09-Oct-12 18:55:49

Dad A has a cheek to be cross with family B who are doing him a favour - but he has every right to be cross with the nanny who, not receiving a confirmatory text, should have gone to pick up - that's her job.

Mum A should have cottoned on when you mentioned the wedding, the nanny should have done something when you didn't reply to her text.

lingle Tue 09-Oct-12 18:56:43

<hotly defends nanny who was one of the small band of people who kept lingle sane and didn't speculate aloud about lingle's son's SNs back in the difficult old days>

thank you jury - I am at peace.

tanteclaire Tue 09-Oct-12 18:57:45

you could have been clearer, mind... but he has no right to be cross smile

NovackNGood Tue 09-Oct-12 18:58:25

Nannys fault for not knowing what was happening at all times with the children she is paid to be in charge of. She should know exactly who is picking them up and what time the will arrive leave etc. If not then fire her.

AgentZigzag Tue 09-Oct-12 19:52:04

He's not so angry as to stop the pick ups though.

I agree it was probably just a passing frustration vent rather than really angry, if you heard through the DC it could have been exaggerated or they didn't see the significance of using 'really angry' instead of the more accurate 'a bit miffed on top of everything else he's got going on'.

Clawdy Tue 09-Oct-12 20:44:18

Still think you could have mentioned that you would not be around the next week..it did seem a fairly regular arrangement. But agree Nanny should have worried when you didn't reply to text.

CaliforniaLeaving Tue 09-Oct-12 21:29:16

Dad A owes you an apology for thinking it was your fault. He's a knob. When you see him next tell him I said so. grin
If it was a set pick up day then Nanny wouldn't need to text and make sure you are available, so family A should have had another plan for pick up on days you aren't available. I think you should be busy at least twice month to make the point.

fairyfriend Tue 09-Oct-12 21:56:54

Ah, I think you should let it go. If he'd actually ranted at you, I'd say he was a dickhead. But I imagine he was stressed and blaming everyone and anyone.

The conversation probably went something like:
Dad: what's she doing going on hols without telling us, the feckin eejit?!!
Mum: well she never said she'd tell us, she said to check. It's the nanny's fault.
Dad; yeah, she's a feckin eejit too.
Mum: maybe a bit, but she sorted it out. Kids are fine. Tea?
Dad: yeah, fair enough. Best not have a go at anyone, no harm done.

Small child having only focused in on 'feckin eejit'.

marbleslost Tue 09-Oct-12 22:03:47

Family B were doing a massive favour for which they received no reward.

They forgot.

Yes they should have said. But as it wasn't their job, maybe they forgot.

But I don't think family A should be angry about it. It's not a business arrangement - it's a favour. Just because they've done it for ages, doesn't mean they have a duty to. I feel family B has been taken for granted.

lingle Tue 09-Oct-12 22:14:19

smile smile at idea of posh barrister neighbour calling me a feckin eejit in Boris Johnson voice.

fairyfriend Tue 09-Oct-12 22:24:28

LOL! Well you didn't say he was a pompous twat posh barrister!
I can't help it OP, people I don't know are always Iris in my head. grin

fairyfriend Tue 09-Oct-12 22:25:51

*no offence intended to any posh barristers- or indeed pompous twats- who are reading this thread.

lingle Tue 09-Oct-12 22:34:27

I suppose people have to get a free pass for anything they say in their own home

<reluctant>

marbleslost Tue 09-Oct-12 22:39:57

I do a favour for another family once a week. But they always ask on the morning - is it ok. If they didn't I'd feel what a bloody cheek. Unless you are paying somebody, you can't expect them to be available for you whenever you need them.

A few years ago I offered to help a mum who was going back to work "if ever her childcare didn't work" i.e. if childminder off sick. She took this to mean I was her free childcare. I had never offered that. She took huge offence when I went on holiday for a week only giving her a week's notice. I just think unless you are paying someone, you have no rights and they have no obligation.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan Tue 09-Oct-12 23:21:01

oh thanks a bunch lingle.

I was just going to bed and now I am angry because dad a is bbu.

however, in mitigating circumstances, he may have been crross at the hassle.. and on cooling down did not really think that. (deep breaths!)

lingle Wed 10-Oct-12 10:43:33

what's a bbu?

<naive>

lingle Wed 10-Oct-12 10:51:54

ah sorry!
being bloody unreasonable.

hope you slept well smile

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