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To think if you dated someone whilst they smoked you can't give ultimatums based on it?(long).

(54 Posts)
YerMaw1989 Fri 05-Oct-12 15:45:09

okay I started from being a very young teen (12ish) (not uncommon when& where I grew up so I;m not trolling/shock factor etc).

I met my DP at 18 , still smoked not heavily I add and I was courteous to not smoke a lot around him. I fell pregnant not long after I quit smoking cold turkey at 19.

its been 3 years now with the odd lapse fag I have never bought a packet etc , because I was told 'if you ever smoke again its over!' it sort of scared me (not sure if its the right word) into not smoking again but tbh (controversial) I wish I had on some level.
I was very ill for the first few years of my DC's life PND, Faulty contraception made me bleed constantly to the point of anaemia, I have anxiety due to a v. volatile childhood. plus contending with a SN toddler alone mostly. I wish I could go back and give myself permission to 'have a fag woman give yourself some sanity' I know its v. unhealthy I'm not negating that.
I'm not smoking/drinking atm (prego)
But I made it very clear the other day that,
a) If I have a bad day and I want a fag, I will have one.
b) if you dated me whilst smoking then you can't really hoik your bosom about it.
To add I would never smoke in the house/inflict it on my kids in that way I feel quite strongly about that.

WIBU?AIBU?

YerMaw1989 Sat 06-Oct-12 11:32:23

I quit because I fell pregnant, that's when I got the ultimatum and that was 3 years ago. But I feel I made too much of a black and white thing , like another poster said people lapse, and he knows I've had odd relapses and has never gone crazy etc just more of a 'When was this?'
I can understand him having a 'Where has this come from' thought, I've having more of a backbone recently in many ways.

I would never smoke in the home etc I wonder if that makes any difference? he knows this too.

GoldenSeptember Sat 06-Oct-12 17:05:22

"I would never smoke in the home etc I wonder if that makes any difference? he knows this too."

It doesn't make much difference - you'll still reek of it. I have a dear friend who gave up smoking then started again, but didn't tell his wife. When they come to stay we have a running joke about what excuse he's going to dream up to get out of the house so he can have a fag - it's amazing how he always manages to forget something so he 'has to go to the co-op'. When he comes back he stinks of fags and chewing gum. hmm grin Either his DW has no sense of smell (or suspicion) at all, or she is ignoring the elephant in the room. Even if you smoke outside, your clothes and hair stink of it.

Bunbaker Sat 06-Oct-12 18:07:39

"I would never smoke in the home etc I wonder if that makes any difference? he knows this too."

The thing is that smokers aren't aware of how much they stink of cigarettes. A non smoker can smell a smoker even if it is quite a while since they last had a cigarette. You are kidding yourself if you think your partner can't smell it.

YerMaw1989 Sat 06-Oct-12 22:17:35

I'm not saying he won't smell it but at least I wouldn't inflict him with a smoky home etc.

I dunno, I'll just have to see how it pans out.

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