Mumsnet Talk

My 7 year old ds went to his friend's party at a local hall today after school. I know his mum well - we go to playgroups together, have coffee and generally meet up after school so the dcs can play (she also has a 1 year old dd). Party started at 3.30 so took ds straight to the hall after school with 1 year old dd. DD started crying pretty much as soon as we arrived, she has a bit of a cold at the moment so obviously felt unwell. I stuck it out for 20 mins but dd getting more and more upset so made my apologies to friend and said we'd have to go home, thanks for inviting us etc etc

Friend said my ds could stay and she would bring him home (we live very near each other). I asked twice if she was sure. Her DH then said he had a spare booster seat and would bring my ds home. I said that would be great if they didn't mind bringing ds home. They said no problem. I was pleased - didnt want ds to miss out because his sister not well.

Walked home, dd still not well and fell asleep around 6ish. Literally minutes after I put dd in her cot my phone rang it was my friend asking me if I could come and collect my ds. I said 'oh I thought you were bringing him home' she said all the children were going home and she had to tidy up the hall.

I had to get and wake up dd and walk in the dark to pick up ds, only a 20 min walk but dd crying the whole way. Got there and her dh looks at me and says 'oh you decided to pick up your ds early then?' I said 'no your wife rang me to come and get him!' Cue lots of apologising from him and a confused 'I said I'd take nantuckets ds home' to his wife.

I said 'thanks for inviting ds' to friend and stormed off.

So angry. If I'd known friend wouldn't/couldn't bring ds I wouldn't have let him stay.

That does sound very weird. I'd be cheesed off, too.

I'd be pissed off too although I would have said something when she rang and reminded her DD was poorly.

so for some reason she didn't want her husband to come to your house?

Is she the jealous type?

That sounds really odd tbh. Do you think she just forgot? Surely she would have known when she offered to bring your DS home that she was going to have to tidy up the hall afterwards?

I think I would have said 'oh dear dd is poorly and asleep' when she rang. She sounds a bit off. Do you think she forgot dd was poorly and was just in a grump? Parties are very stressful!

It does sound peculiar. Did your DS do something to upset her at the party maybe or did she just get stressed out by the whole thing and genuinely forgot she'd offered?

That sounds really weird, and I'd have had to say something there and then. Dragging poorly ones out unnecessarily isn't funny.

I agree with northernlurker parties are v stressful & she probably didn't think of your daughter.

C'estla vie. It's not worth losing a friend over

Wierd. I think she got jealous because her dh was doing you a favour and she didn't like it. She really won't have done herself any favours.

That is really odd. I have no idea why someone would do that. Do you have any idea? It's very weird behaviour, especially from someone you consider a friend

But it didn't even matter that she was tidying the hall - because her husband had offered to bring the child home.

So she could tidy anyway!

So why cancel?

It's odd and something else is going on with her, imo.

Didn't she offer in the first place??? What a weirdo.

Sounds like she's playing you for some reason. Shame about your poor dd having to walk all that way. Give your 'friend' a wide berth in the future.

How strange. Rude of her to offer and then not to do her very best to follow through, especially as her DH could have done it.

Weird. Sounds like she was annoyed at her husband offering a lift for some reason.

Are you a good looking gal and is she a bit of a frump by any chance. I'd say she didn't want him to go round to your house. Could be jealousy. Or perhaps he's been 'up to no good' recently and she has him on a short leash

I'd be pissed off about that. There must be some reason why she behaved so antisocially.

I would have said something when she phoned tbh. Butvi can why you may have been too taken aback to.

Annoying for you but maybe you are just reading too much in to it. She might have been distracted and stressed with organizing the party and forgot what had been agreed. Maybe she hadn't realised her DH was offering to drop him off and he obviously hadn't realised she hadn't realised. All fairly easy to imaging if you have a large hall full of kids to supervise.

Also, as someone else said, maybe she hadn't grasped your DD was poorly and just thought you didn't want to be hanging about. Thinking about it, isn't it a bit unusual to stay at parties with your DC when they get to that age anyway? Perhaps she assumed you were staying to help out seeing as you are friends and then felt a bit miffed when you said you had to go?

Anyway, just think you might be overthinking it.

No, definitely not reading too much into it. My dd was invited to the party as well as ds (my dd is the same age as friends dd and they often play together). We left the party after 20 mins because dd was ill. I clearly told my friend this (infact she asked after dd when I went to pick ds up). She said my ds should stay at the party and she would take him home.

Somehow I can't see how between 4pm when I left with the dc and 6pm, a grand total of 2 hours, she managed to forget that a) I'd left the party because dd was ill and b) she'd offered to bring ds home so he could stay at the party and c) her dh said he could always bring ds home if my friend couldn't because he also had a booster seat in the car.

I did say all this in my OP...

I'm tellin' ya, he's on a tight leash. He's been a naughty boy and she doesn't trust him to do any females a favour.

Maybe the tidying up looked horrendous and she wanted her DH to stay and help rather than getting out of it by dropping your DS home?

I'm not clear how your dd fell asleep at about 6pm, you got a call minutes later and walked for 20 mins to pick your ds up, conversation whilst there, say 5 mins, presumably 20 mins walk back again..... so a total of about 50 mins after 6pm, then in through the door of your home, sort out dd and ds, a few more mins.....then typing up this AIBU post

But you're on MN posting about all of this at 18:23:02...... which is 23 minutes past 6.

Doesn't add up to me.

Give her a wide berth - she's messing you about.